


Sheets of Shattered Memory

by Phxreign



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Jon and the Starks Are Not Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-18 05:26:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 61,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13093341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phxreign/pseuds/Phxreign
Summary: Years of misunderstandings have kept Jon and Sansa apart. Robb's wedding to Margaery provides the back drop for them to reconnect and overcome the past.Story shifts back and forth between past and present timelines.Originally published on another fan fiction site - but I think this version is better.





	1. High Garden

**Author's Note:**

> So I originally published this work on another fan site but I figured it might also be enjoyed by some people here. I'm doing some minor reworking as I publish here but probably not anything drastic in terms of major plot points from the original version, but it is slightly enhanced. I'm hoping this will also help break through some writer's block I've developed on my new story. *sigh*
> 
> Things to know:  
> I have changed the ages and age differences of some of the characters  
> Since it AU the characters will react or act OOC to some  
> It's gonna be a long burn and there is some traumatic stuff that occurs so be prepared
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Prologue

She groaned. She struggled to open her eyes, to breathe. The air felt warm and heavy, the smell of smoke and iron hung in the air. She finally forced her eyes open and found she was surrounded by twisted and broken metal, moonlight caught and played on the glass that covered everything. Her head hurt, her leg hurt, she raised her hand to her face and felt something warm and sticky, she pulled her hand back and it was covered in a dark substance.

Her head lolled to her right, her eyes falling on him. She couldn't tell if he was breathing or not, he was covered in blood, his arm was at an unnatural angle. She looked away, searching for a way out.

He moaned and coughed. She looked back at him, catching his piercing gaze. His face was covered in blood, his mouth in a hideous leering smile, he looked triumphant, despite the blood poured from his mouth.

"Not quite as planned I suppose," he murmured. She stared at him as he began to cough, blood spraying on her as he kept eyes transfixed on her, he kept smiling, smirking at her with his bloody leering mouth.

She said nothing and started to pull on the door but it would not give. He started laughing, more and more blood pouring from his mouth. She felt her desperation growing, she starting pulling at the door more frantically. It was getting hard to breathe. The smoke was getting thicker, the smell of blood was choking her, his laughter the only sound filling her ears.

She felt the heat of her tears as they began to run down her face. It was hopeless. With resignation she closed her eyes and let the darkness consume her.  
—  
Present

Sansa Stark ran her fingers over the flowers of the lai around her neck as she stared out the window of the shuttle bus and sighed. She looked around at the other passengers in the bus, most were happy smiling couples, likely on their honeymoons, or families with excited, over stimulated children. She sighed again and frowned. "You have to be one of the only people this annoyed to be in paradise…." she thought to herself.

The girl in the seat across from her caught her eye and smiled at her. "Are you here all alone?" she asked noticing the empty seat next to Sansa.

"Not exactly, I flew in alone but I'm meeting my family at High Garden Resort, my brother is getting married," she replied.

"Ohh! That is the really fancy one! How exciting!" the girl exclaimed, "We are here for our honeymoon. Don't you just think it's the most beautiful and romantic place you've ever seen?"

"Well congratulations, and yes, it is lovely here," Sansa said. She didn't really want to talk to anyone, especially about romance, but her long trained manners won't allow her to say so. Sansa glanced across the girl to her husband who was sleeping against the window, the girl seemed slightly desperate to share in her excitement with someone and clearly at the moment that was not going to be her husband. It almost made her feel sad for the girl, almost. So Sansa continued to make polite small talk with the girl, while hoping she was staying at another resort on the bus's route. She was hoping to have a few more moments to compose herself before she was with her whole family for the chaos of the next several days.

"… well hopefully there are some super cute groomsmen that you can get some "beach time" with," the girl laughed as Sansa tuned back into what she was saying.  
Sansa shrugged. "If you only knew….." she thought.

The girl noticed her slight frown. "Oh no, that looks tells me maybe you've been there done that, well maybe try for a cabana boy then," she winked.

Before Sansa could say anything further the bus bumped to a stop and the girl stood up and shook her husband. "Thanks for the chat! I hope you have fun and enjoy your trip, I'm sure the wedding will be amazing!" And with that she departed.

Sansa watched her go, she felt a pang of jealously towards the girl, that she was so carefree and in love and enjoying this beautiful place, she knew that would not be her experience here. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back and began to steel herself for what came next.  
—  
Sansa had not been with her entire family in one place since she left for college two years ago, she had refused to come back home to Winterfell even on school breaks. She loved her family but there had been tension, mostly with her mother, and there were other people in town that she wanted to avoid at all costs. But now here she was, in paradise, and everyone would be together again. She supposed there was no way to get out of her older brother's wedding without it causing a major blow up. Her hope was that everyone would be far too focused on Robb and Margaery's big day for any of the past tensions and issues to make it to the surface.

She was thankful Arya's boyfriend Gendry had been able to come. Even though the sisters were to share a suite she knew she'd actually get her own space since Arya would stay with Gendry, though everyone would pretend not to notice. Arya and she had joked about her parents' sense of propriety and about keeping up appearances.

"Everyone is always watching, watching and judging, so we have a duty to present our best always" she thought bitterly of a past conversation with her mother.

Despite that she knew her real distress would be with seeing Robb's best friend and best man, Jon. Honorable Jon, who always did the right thing, even when that had meant betraying her.  
—  
Sansa stepped off the bus and into the lobby of High Garden Resort. It was breathtaking, the fanciest of all the resorts on the island based on what she had seen out the window on the trip here. She looked around taking in the view, breathing in the salt sweet air; she could faintly hear the ocean.

"Sansa!" she heard Jeyne exclaim from off to her left.

She turned and was greeted by a hug from her childhood friend. She had not seen Jeyne in several months. Jeyne's father worked for Sansa's. They were best friends growing up but the distance had grown between them since late high school. Sansa knew a lot of that was her doing, she had kept so much to herself while Jeyne had always been so open with her. When high school ended Sansa had escaped and gone out of state to school, Jeyne stayed in town, went to the local community college and was working part time. The physical distance didn't help the friendship but Sansa knew she had started the emotional distance long before that, it was something that she still felt guilty about when she thought about it.

However, standing there in paradise Sansa felt her heart swell with joy at seeing her old friend. "Maybe it won't be so bad. I can make good things come from this trip." She thought to herself.

"How have you been? How was your flight?" Jeyne inquired as she released her.

"You know, busy with school, trying to decide on internships for next year. The flight wasn't bad, I mean who can complain about 1st class, though I slept through most of it."

"We got in this morning since we took the red eye, let me show you to reception so you can get checked in. I mean, I'm kinda dying to see what a suite looks like here."

Sansa smiled, appreciating Jeyne's sweetness. She knew it would be nice to have her by her side. She felt a pang of guilt as well knowing she was using her as a buffer. Her parents had always liked Jeyne and her father's relationship with Jeyne's father would also insure things would remain civil. She shook of thought and looped her arm into Jeyne's and headed to the check in desk.  
—  
Arya laid sprawled across the bed in Sansa's room of their shared suite. Jeyne sat in the chair and they both watched as Sansa unpacked.

"If I had known that the suites had their own separate rooms and bathrooms I would've told Gendry to save his money and we would've shacked up here," Arya sighed.

"Yeah that would've worked until he opened the door for room service and then mom, dad or Rickon spotted him in a robe, or less. You are better off in his room a couple buildings over," Sansa reminded her.

Jeyne giggled, "Yes, no one can know that the Stark girls are not proper ladies. Think of the scandal on Page Six if word got out."

Sansa and Arya rolled their eyes. The joys of going up in a small-ish town where everyone was in everyone's business. And being one of the wealthiest families in town had only fueled gossip and speculation all their lives. In fact, both girls knew that people still whispered in dark corners years later about the time Robb had promised to take one of the Frey girls to prom only to change his mind when a new girl had started school and stole his attention. Old Man Frey and his sons still crossed the street and gave dirty looks whenever they crossed a Stark. It didn't help that their parents bought into all the nonsense and had constantly held their children to such a high standard. In fact, their mother had been quite angry with Robb's decision at the time, saying that such a slight could hurt father's business. It seemed like that had always been Catelyn's main concern in Sansa's opinion.

There was a knock at the door just then and Arya went to answer it. A loud commotion ensued, Jeyne and Sansa left the bedroom to be greeted by an entourage of men. Robb, Theon, Bran and Rickon were taking turns hugging Arya. Jeyne joined in but Sansa hung back. 

"Well look at this! All five Starks in the room at once, oh and Jeyne, wow, it's like high school glory days all over again," Theon exclaimed.

"Not exactly," Sansa thought relieved, "Jon's not here."

She let Robb pull her into an embrace and then she saw him, standing just outside the doorframe, brooding. His grey eyes met hers and they stared intensely at each other. Sansa felt her heart clench, he still looked amazing, even after all this time. And then the gaze was broken as Robb released her.

"I just wanted to come down and say hello, we are headed down to the beach for volleyball. Also, I am to remind you about family dinner tonight," Robb told her.

"Like I could forget," her words coming out with more an edge then she intended. Robb looked at her with resignation. She immediately smiled, brightening her words, "I'm so glad to see you, all of you, but is Margaery really ok with a Stark family only dinner on the first night of the wedding festivities?"

"The Tyrells' flights were delayed so they will not be in till the morning so no, she doesn't mind."

"Mom says now that you landed there is no way for you to worm out of it. Then she complained to Dad about the fact that she had to trap us all on an island just to get a family meal." Rickon informed her.

Sansa sighed and looked at Robb, he smiled at her and tilted his head, his expression said, "What can you do?"

"If you want to come to the beach for drinks we can wait on you to change," Theon said as he eyed Jeyne up and down. Jeyne met his eyes and smirked. Robb shot him a cold look and Theon glanced at Sansa and flushed.

"I'm going to finish unpacking and then maybe nap before dinner, but you all have fun," Sansa said glancing out of the corner of her eye at Jon.

"Well suit yourself, I'm going to go wake Gendry up, we'll head down in a few,” Arya said.

"I'm going to go as well, I just need to go back to my room and change." Jeyne stated glancing at Theon.

"Alright Sansa, I guess we'll all see you at dinner, don't forget and don't be late," Robb said.

With that everyone turned and left the room and Sansa turned to head back to her bedroom, however she caught sight of Jon in the mirror and whirled around.

"Maybe we should talk, clear the air before we are going to be forced to be together for the next several days?" he stated. He still stood inside the door frame, he seemed unsure if it was ok to come in the room.

Sansa just looked at him, she could feel tears wanting to form behind her eyes, she couldn't do this with him, not now, not here. Seeing him for the first time, even after all the time that had passed, it was more overwhelming than she had expected.

"Honestly, I'm not sure I ever want to talk with you again, I think our lack of contact for the last few years made that clear but if you feel the need to talk maybe you should go find my parents, just like you did the last time," she bit out.

"Sansa, that's not fair. I did what I thought was best, I never meant for you to get hurt, to betray you."

"I know Jon, you always do what you think is right, even when it's none of your concern."

"None of my concern?! You were my main concern, always my main concern. Please let me explain, I want you to understand."

"The time to make me understand has passed. If you wanted me to understand you should've tried long before now."

"But I did."

"If that were true…." she was cut off by sound of a phone ringing. Thankful for the interruption she walked over and answered it.

Once the call ended she turned to him, "You should go to the beach with the others, I need to get ready, my parents have summoned me to a private meeting."

Jon stared at her, he knew what that meant, he knew Catelyn especially had not gotten over what had happened. If Sansa had healed at all, which he doubted from her rage at him, they were going to tear open her old wounds. He wanted to tell her he would go with her, that he would try and help explain, defend her if needed, do what he had failed to do before, but he could tell by the set of her blue eyes she would not hear of it.

"Ok, I'll go, but Sansa I want to give you the explanation you are owed, and if you want to listen I am staying in room 437, building B, just across the courtyard."

"I'm pretty sure I already know what I need to Jon, but if my curiosity piques I'll let you know. Close the door when you leave." And with that she turned and left the room.


	2. Back to the Beginning

Past

  
Everything started changing the summer Robb graduated high school. Robb had been the golden boy of the family. Great grades, stand out athlete, and other than the one scandal with the Frey girl, he had always represented the family well. Robb, Jon and Theon had been best friends since grade school; they had grown up and spent most of their time at the Stark house. Bran and Rickon tried to follow them everywhere, hero worshipping them at every turn. Theon found it annoying, Robb tolerated them but Jon, who was an only child and loved being part of a big family, was always the kindest to them, indulging them whenever he could.

  
She had grown up with a crush on Jon. The sweet demeanor paired with the dark curls and storm grey eyes were impossible to resist. She could barely remember a time before she dreamed of Jon, at least not since she started to notice boys in her preteen years. She pined over him but she told herself that he thought of her as nothing more than Robb's kid sister, or worse HIS kid sister.

  
The summer was just beginning. She had just turned 16, Robb and his crew were all 18 now, in the fall they would be headed off to college. Robb was going out of state, Jon would be remaining closer at the state school up north and Theon was going to the local community college to get his grades up.

  
While her dreams belong to Jon she knew she had to be more realistic in her romantic pursuits. Her mother had made her a match with Joffrey, the son of her father's business partner. They had been seeing each other since the winter formal. Joffrey ruled their class, some argued by fear and bullying, but he hosted the best parties, and involvement with him had elevated her social status, though there were times she found him less than enticing. It was an early summer day and she, her siblings and their friends were all lounging by the pool. The boys playing basketball and she and Jeyne working on their summer tans. Jeyne sighed as she caught Theon leering at them. "Of course he's the one that will be sticking around in town."

  
"Oh please, you are not disappointed, you make every attempt to flirt with Theon when you are here,” Sansa replied.

  
"Do not! And even if I did it's not like he notices…."

"Oh he notices, trust me, but he likes the attention and wants to see how far you will go….."  
Jeyne turned to her and grinned wickedly, "Hmm, well good thing the summer just started then.”

  
Sansa giggled and glanced up to see Jon watching them. Her heart skipped a beat and she smiled softly at him. Despite her involvement with Joffrey a majority of her heart would always be reserved for Jon. A moment later Rickon jumped in the pool near him, causing a major splash, breaking the look and causing Sansa and Jeyne to squeal, upset with being splashed on.

  
"Sansa, Joffrey is here!" Catelyn called from the patio doors.

  
Bran and Rickon started to make kissing noises. Sansa shot them a quelling look and they stopped just as Joffrey walked onto the deck.

  
Robb eyed him, he did not like the blonde little prick. The Starks might be wealthy but they didn’t flaunt it or act entitled, Ned had not raised them that way. The Baratheons were wealthy and acted like it and wanted everyone to know it. Joffrey walked around the school like it belonged to him. He had been good friends with Gregor Clegane who had been in Robb's class, Gregor was an asshole and intimidated everyone. It brought Robb a sense of joy that Joffrey would be on his own next year, now that Gregor had graduated. "Let's see the prick lord over the school now," he thought to himself. He could not for the life of him understand why his parents had encouraged Sansa to date him, although he knew that when Ned and Cat were near Joffrey was typically a polite guy, but Robb knew it was a front, he had seen the way the kid bullied others at school. He did what he could but given Ned and Robert's relationship and Robert's temper it was always a delicate situation.

  
"Hey Joff, did you bring your suit? You should hop in so we can play some 2 on 2," Theon called.

  
Joffrey regarded him without answering. Sansa sighed to herself, apparently he was in one of his moods and it was going to be one of those days.

  
Joffrey had certain expectations about how Sansa should dress and act. He had told her on many occasions that given his standing in the school, appearance was very important and she needed to behave as such. She knew her parents were also concerned with public image, so while Joffrey's behavior bothered her she didn't find it that far out of the ordinary. It did bother her though that the longer they were together the more direct she found him being. Sometimes the bluntness of his comments hurt her feelings. But he was king of their class and she hoped in the fall to be junior homecoming princess and she knew status as his girlfriend would make it a lock, so maybe this was the price she had to pay for popularity.

  
Just then Ned appeared on the patio. "Well it looks like a full house today! I wish summer vacation was still a thing for adults."

  
"Are you working from home today dad?" Bran asked. They all knew that meant that Robert had done something at the office to annoy Ned. While they were old friends and in business a long time they did have a lot of disagreements on business practices. Ned found it simplest to leave the office on days like that and work from home. Luckily their father was easy natured and a house full of teenagers and children did not bother or disrupt him.

  
Joffrey smiled then, "Putting on an act for my father," Robb thought darkly.

  
"I sadly did not bring a suit," he said finally answering Theon, "I guess I didn't realize I would be sharing my lady with the whole house today."

  
"Well have no fear, the Starks keep extra suits in the pool house. Sansa you can show him," Ned stated, "Have fun kids, maybe I'll join you later this afternoon." And with that he went back into the house.

  
Sansa stood to show Joffrey into the pool house so he could get a suit. As soon as the door shut he whirled on her. "Do you think it's appropriate for a girlfriend of mine to be lounging poolside dressed in next to nothing with a bunch of other guys?"

  
Sansa gapped at him. Sure she was in a bikini, but it was not that tiny, and could he really be that upset at her being in proximity to Theon and Jon? They were always there and there was no way he could know about her crush on Jon.

  
"I can't believe you'd embarrass me like this, you didn't even tell me to bring a suit or that there would be so many people here. Now I am supposed to wear some borrowed suit while I spend “bro time” with your brother and his fanboys. This is ridiculous. I'll be out back by my car, you say whatever it is you need to, change into appropriate clothes and we will go to lunch and a movie. Don't make me wait too long, and please put on something that will not make you look like a whore."

  
With that he exited out of the front of the pool house towards the driveway. Sansa watched him go and tears pricked at her eyes. Joffery was prone to saying rude things to her when they were all alone, but he had never really done it in such close proximity to her family and friends. She wasn’t even sure what she would say to them about the change in plans.

  
She saw the bathroom door open in the corner of her eye and spun to face it. "You should not let him speak to you like that!" Jon growled, "I should get your brother and fanboy #2 and go kick that prick's ass."

  
She looked at him swallowing her tears. "I don't know what you think you heard…" she started.

  
"No," he said holding up his hand, "Sansa I was just about to exit the bathroom when you came in, so I heard everything. Does he always talk to you like that? Because it's wrong."

  
"It's normally not like that Jon, I think he's having a bad day and I think I gave him the wrong impression about our plans today, so I think he was just frustrated. Plus, if dad's home that means Robert is probably being…."

  
"I don't care about the reasons, you are beautiful and sweet and no one should speak to you like that, especially someone that’s your boyfriend. I would never talk to you like that. I don't want to tell you what to do, but you should not put up with that. Joffrey is not right for you."

  
Sansa looked at him, was he jealous? What did he mean her boyfriend should not talk to her like that; that he would not talk to her like that?

  
She started to open her mouth just as Rickon crashed into the room. "Robb sent me in to make sure there was nothing funny going on while Joffrey changed!" he announced.

  
Sansa blushed and looked at Jon pleadingly. He knew what she was asking, that he would keep her secret. He nodded slightly, "Just don't let it continue."

  
She nodded at him gratefully and headed to the main house to change.


	3. A Family Affair

Present

  
Sansa stood outside her parents' door waiting to be let in. She pasted a smile on her face readying herself for what was to come. Her mother opened the door and smiled at her but it didn’t fully read in her eyes. They hugged and greeted each other and she entered the room. Her father sat on the couch and rose to greet her. Afterwards he suggested she sit in the chair to his right.

  
"How was the flight? How are summer classes going?" he asked.

  
"Classes have been fine but I’m taking the back half of the summer off due to the wedding,” she began, “The flight was fine, at least I was on time. Poor Marg, good things they built in all these buffer days prior to the real festivities.”

  
"Yes, the festivities, that's what we wanted to discuss Sansa. We want to make sure we all have a clear understanding," her mother said, impatience coloring her voice.

  
Sansa sighed and closed her eyes, she knew this was coming. Even after three years with no further issues her parents, well mainly her mother, could not move past it, and they did not even know the whole story. If they did maybe they would know nothing like that would ever happen again. She opened her eyes then to see both her parents looking at her intently. She knew if she was ever going to tell them the truth now was not the time, she couldn’t do that to them or her brother.

  
"I think I know how to behave and would never do anything to embarrass or upset Robb, not at his own wedding. You both have to know that," she said looking at them for understanding.

  
Cat opened her mouth. "We know," her father said before her mother could jump in, "we just want to make sure that we are on the same page. We want to trust you to make the right decisions, but this is an all-inclusive resort and the alcohol is easy to come by, hell it's free in the room, so we just want you to know you can come talk to us if it gets to be overwhelming for you."

  
"Fair enough, but I'll be fine. I won't over indulge or make a drunken mess of things. I think I’ve shown that over the last couple years,” Sansa responded.

  
"Just remember everyone is watching Sansa, the Tyrells, the other guests, the society papers. You know this is the social event of the year, so do your best to avoid embarrassing the family," her mother said ignoring her words.

  
Sansa gritted her teeth and nodded. Her father looked at her hopefully, her mother with trepidation. Would the truth make them understand? She wanted so badly for them to not always assume the worse, but then she wondered if her mother would even believe her after all this time. She realized for now it was probably better to let them continue to think she had spent some time exploring a life as a girl gone wild, to tell the truth now would rock the foundation of the last three years. 

  
"What time are we meeting for dinner?" she asked to break the silence.

  
"7 pm," her mother answered.

  
"Well I will see you then, I would like to rest before," she said rising from her chair.

  
"Of course, dear girl. We will see you then," her father said kissing her forehead.

  
She let herself out and leaned against the hallway wall. She felt so tired. Being here with her parents reminded her of all that had gone wrong, of their disappointment and their failure to hear her side. She had kept the truth to protect them but had it really protected anyone? They had been so angry based on what they thought was the truth, they had forcibly committed her to rehab based on that truth, would it fix anything to tell them now? Her mother was never going to forgive her for the "scandal" but would it serve any purpose to tell her the truth now, to essentially shame her for thinking of the worse, for not seeing the real pain her child was going through? Would they even believe her after all this time? And what of Jon, what of the part he had played? If she broke the dam and told her parents anything she would need to tell Jon as well, and she did not want to see any pity in his eyes for her, or worse guilt. And if she was being honest, deep down her greatest fear was he won't believe her now either.

  
—

  
Much to her surprise dinner had actually been pleasant. While things had been tense with her parents earlier she still found comfort with her siblings at dinner and being with all of them together for the first time in a long time had felt good. The conversation was light and she realized her distance had caused her to miss so many things in Bran and Rickon's lives. To hear them laugh and tease was refreshing and she regretted that she had lost sight of them while she had been hiding in her own grief and shame.

  
Despite her positive feelings towards her siblings she couldn’t resist pushing her mother’s buttons, she ordered one glass of wine. Cat had watched her intently with every sip, her lips pursed in disapproval, but she also knew Cat would not chastise her publicly or in front of the younger Starks.

  
The elder Starks said goodnight to the eldest three children and headed back to their suite with Bran and Rickon who were grumbling that they missed all the fun.

  
"Well I promised Gendry we could walk the beach later, so I'm off. I'll see you two tomorrow," Arya announced and took off down the path. Sansa watched her go, wishing she could've stayed for a bit longer.

  
Sansa turned to Robb and he smiled at her. "Let's take a walk, I want to talk to you before Marg gets in tomorrow and all the real fun begins."

  
They turned and headed down towards the beach. They walked in silence for few moments, the soft waves sounding in the background, music tinkling over the sands from the beach bar down the way, the breeze gently caressing her back. It was truly beautiful here but Sansa felt apprehension building in her core nonetheless.

  
"I'm so glad you seem to be doing so well, though I wish you didn't feel the need to keep such distance from home," Robb said breaking the quiet. "I mean I saw the way mom eyed you after you ordered that wine, and I know you push each other's buttons, but I hate to think that look alone keeps you from coming home."

  
"Can I just be honest with you Robb?"

  
"Of course."

  
"It's exhausting to me to be around mom, to be in that town, to see the judgment in people's eyes. Dad seems to have forgiven me for what happened but not mom, she just waits for me to screw up again, I see it every time she looks at me. I feel like she will never forgive me for the mistake I made that year. I know I showed poor judgment and caused a scandal for the family, that it costs them both money and reputation, but I'm her daughter and I feel like she cared more about the optics than what happened to me and when I'm around her I feel so much guilt. Being home reminds me of all that pain and it makes it hard to breathe. That’s how it feels, I can’t breathe.”

  
"Do you really think mom only thinks about how you embarrassed her? How you cost them money? Do you really think that is all it is Sansa? Because it's not, you could have died, you almost died. None of us had any idea you were so out of control, I'm sure mom feels guilty for missing the signs, I feel guilty for missing the signs, for failing you. You were not the only one hurt Sansa. It wrecked all of us and your distance just reminds us of how we failed you and we fear failing you again. If it had not been for Jon who knows what would've happened. Mom is scared you could relapse and then you'll be lost to her, so it's not just about appearances. You should know that, and you should try and come around more, we all miss you."

  
Sansa stared at him, the moon catching the tears he was fighting back and her heart broke. Until that moment she had never realized how her brother had been affected and she felt a stab of guilt, would the truth have saved him all the years of pain? Why had she not just come clean from the start, at least to him or Jon or even Jeyne? At the time she had been young, ashamed and confused, but what had stopped her in the years that followed? Had she really stayed away because of her mother's judgment or was it in fact a self-imposed penance?

  
"Oh Robb! I never knew you felt that way. You were away at school and there were no signs for you to miss, please do not blame yourself. It was never the problem that everyone seems to think it was and I am fine now, nothing like that will ever happen again, I was young and made a mistake, that's not who I am," she soothed him, choking back tears.

  
"I know, we all know that, but we still worry, and you stay away so much, we just get scared that you stay away so you can hide, we wonder if you have relapsed and that is why you stay away…"

  
Sansa took his hand and met his eyes, "I swear to you there is no problem now, it was a circumstance of the time, I'm not that girl anymore and never will be again. There has never been another incident since the 1st and only time, so please stop worrying and do not blame yourself."

  
Robb regarded her intently and seemed to weigh her words. After a long moment he smiled and seemed to believe her. "That is all I, it’s all everyone has ever wanted for you, to be happy and safe, to know that you will be ok."

  
Sansa opened her mouth but no words would come out. She wanted to tell him everything, it was time, but then she realized that if he felt guilt over the perceived truth he would feel worse over the real truth and there would be so much anger. It was best to leave it in the past for now, this was not the place or time to come clean, not to her family, not yet. Instead she smiled at him, assured him she would be ok and now it was time to focus on his happiness. Just then a soft breeze blew through their hair, she turned, took his arm and led them further down the path into the moonlight.


	4. I Saw You Late Last Night Come to Harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a line from Mumford and Sons “Monster”

Past

  
It was 4th of July Weekend and they had all headed to the lake. The Starks and Baratheons had neighboring lake houses. Jeyne, Theon and Jon were also en tow, which was typical for their summers adventures. Sansa had realized at one point in the weekend that this might be one of the last such adventures since the boys were headed off to college in a few weeks. She couldn't imagine they would continue to spend all their future holidays together, the thought had made her sad.

  
The weekend had been full of BBQs and boating. They had made great memories however when the holiday ended Ned and Robert needed to be back home for work, and Cat needed to be back for a fundraiser and to get Bran and Rickon ready for a trip out to see Lysa. The elder children had conspired to get additional time at the lake house unsupervised, they knew it was possibly the last time they would all have the chance. Ned had been easier to agree, the boys selling the fact they were now adults and would be on their own soon enough. Cat had resisted, she recalled what it was like to be young, she did not like the idea of Joffrey and Sansa being unsupervised, and she didn’t trust the boys to be the best chaperones. However, they told her Joffrey's uncle would be coming up the following day so she need not worry. They just failed to mention that Tyrion’s idea of vacationing meant spending most of his days drinking heavily, and chasing women. Lucky for them Ned had been on their side and convinced her to agree, mostly because he knew he could get rare alone time with his wife once the younger boys were off to their Aunt’s.

  
Their parents had departed that morning; as planned Tyrion was nowhere to be found so they were left to their own devices, which of course meant time to host a party. Theon had invited any girl he came across in town, and then looked defeated when they mentioned brothers or boyfriends. Regardless of that they expected a good turnout.

  
Sansa’s relationship with Joffrey had become more strained since the incident in the pool house. Jon had kept her secret but he stared daggers at Joffrey whenever they were in the same room. She had felt on more than one occasion that Joffrey noticed the way Jon could make her smile and that she was at ease in Jon's presence, unlike how she felt in his. Sansa felt the tension and tried to keep them separated, however it had been impossible this weekend. To add to that tension Joffrey had decided they needed to move beyond kissing and the occasional groping, and while Sansa did not feel ready, he constantly pressured her. She knew it was a risk staying on with him this week but she figured with the others there it might not be that much of an issue; she knew Robb and Jon would watch out for her.

  
They had spent the afternoon cleaning and setting up for the party. Joffrey was not one for manual labor and had seemed annoyed he was expected to help. He tried at several different points to get Sansa to leave with him, to go over to his empty house. Jon had overheard one such attempt and had interrupted, asking Sansa to come help him with something up on the deck. She had agreed and left Joffrey stewing.

  
"I don't like the way he keeps trying to pressure you to leave and be alone with him," Jon stated once they were on the deck.

  
"Oh Jon, are you jealous?" she teased in an attempt to lighten the mood and possibly harmlessly flirt just a bit.

  
"If I said yes would you promise not to be alone with him the rest of the week?" His voice sounded so earnest that Sansa let out a tiny gasp and met his eyes. Jon wasn't smiling, he seemed like he might mean it, but was it because that was what he felt or was he just trying to act the part of protector.

  
Before she could respond she heard Joffrey curse and turned to see Arya spraying him with the hose. She had been using it to spray off the dock earlier.

  
"You little beast! You did that on purpose!" Joffrey shrieked.

  
"Did not, I was trying to spray that seagull before he made a mess on the dock!" she protested.

  
Robb and Theon laughed. "Oh Joff, don't worry, it's just water, it's not like she pushed you into shit or something," Theon called.

  
Joffrey seethed, he hated to be laughed at. "Sansa! I need to change and I do not plan to continue assisting with this set up while your beast of a sister goes uncontrolled. We need to leave."

  
"Joffrey, it's just water, there is no reason to be so nasty," Robb warned him.

  
"You Starks might be ok doing the work of hired help, but it is beneath me and I will not continue," he shot at Robb and then turned back to the deck, "Sansa! I said let's go!"

  
Sansa's face burned, he never actually spoke to her like this in front of anyone, especially not her family. She could see Robb clenching his fist, becoming more agitated with Joffrey's escalating tone and demands.

  
"Sansa does not have to chase after you like a puppy Joffrey, if she wants to stay her with us she has every right," Jon called out to him.

  
Joffrey stared at Jon, as if he was seeing him for the first time. "Is that so? Is that your choice Sansa, to stay here with these strays your family insists on dragging around, with these charity cases? You would pick their company over mine?"

  
"Hey!" Jeyne shouted, looking at Sansa. Sansa glanced at her, she knew Jeyne was sensitive about her family's financial standing and she found it cruel he would go after her best friend like that.

  
"I think you should go," she bit out, "We peasants will somehow manage without you."

  
Joffrey gaped at her and then turned bright red, she had never defied him before, and here there were witnesses.

  
"You ungrateful bitch!" he screamed.

  
"That is enough!" Robb yelled and took a step towards him. Arya choose that moment to turn the hose on him again, he shrieked and fled up the hill towards his house. When he was out of range he turned and stared at Sansa with such a hard look that it sent a chill up her spine, then without another word he turned and went inside his house.

  
She let out a breath she did not know she was holding and felt Jon's hand on her back. "Are you alright?"

  
"I'll be fine, you were right all along, no one should talk to me like that."

  
Jon smiled at her then and for a moment she forgot everything around her.

  
xxxxx

  
The sun set over the lake and the party had begun in earnest. Jeyne had told her she planned to flirt with some boys from town in any attempt to make Theon jealous. Sansa had rolled her eyes at her friend but promised to play wing woman the best she could.

  
She and Jeyne drank their vodka and sodas standing on the patio watching the party below. The bonfire was going, beer pong and flip cup were being played. Sansa felt a slight buzz and happy for the first time in a while. It confirmed to her she had done the right thing by standing up for herself. She felt a thrill knowing she could enjoy the night free of criticism or worrying if Joffrey was happy. They had not seen Joffrey since he had stormed off that afternoon. She felt relieved, she knew she would need to tell her parents before they heard it from Robert or Cersi, but she knew it for the best to no longer be involved with him; however as she looked out upon the party she decided that was a problem for another day.

  
Jayne spotted a group of local boys and nudged Sansa, "Time for action," she announced.

  
"You head down, I'm going to freshen my drink and then I'll be along." Jeyne fake pouted but then winked and headed down the stairs.

  
Sansa headed back inside to make a new drink and encountered Jon alone in the kitchen. He took a long pull off his beer and regarded her carefully. She could tell he was buzzed by the slight flush on his cheeks.

  
"Why are you hiding out in here?" she asked as she opened the freezer.

  
"Not sure, just needed a break from all the noise I guess. Are you ok given what happened earlier? You haven't made peace with the little prick have you?"

  
She turned to face him, "He's not here, and I'm glad. It needed to end, maybe not in such a public way, but I'm glad it's done all the same."

  
Jon looked at her, his expression challenged her, it seemed to say, "And you won't go back to him?" but he said nothing. She felt the need to answer him anyways.

  
"I realized I am much happier when he's not around, he wasn’t good for me. It's really over."

  
"Not to embarrass you, but did it have anything to do with what I heard him complaining to Gregor about this weekend? That you won't put out?"

  
She gapped at him, was Joffrey honestly complaining about that to people? She felt humiliated that Jon would know such a thing about her.

  
"I don't think that is anyone's business…. But yes, he wants something I didn't want to give him. I'm glad it ended before it escalated any further."

  
He moved around the island and came to stand right in front of her, his eyes dark and very serious. He smelled of the outdoors, sunshine and summer. Sansa's breath hitched, she wasn't sure if he'd ever stood so close to her, they had never been so alone.

  
"Has he…. Did he….." His voice trailed off.

  
"Oh god no, Jon don't even worry about it. I can handle myself, like I said I glad it ended it before it could escalate."

  
"That's good, because if he ever hurt you or made you do something you were not ready for I would make him pay dearly."

  
"Thanks Jon, but remember I already have a big brother."

  
"I don't mean that as your 'brother,' I mean that as someone that cares about you and wants the best for you."

  
Their gazes locked, Sansa wanted nothing more in that moment then for Jon to kiss her. She wondered if she could say the perfect line that would let him know it was ok to kiss her. How could he not be feeling this same tension?

  
She sighed then and in a voice barely above a whisper asked him, "And what would you say is best for me?"

  
He eyes flicked to her lips, Sansa felt the air shift around them and then the door banged open and Theon bounded into the kitchen. Jon stepped back quickly and they looked to Theon.

  
"What's going on in here?" he asked.

  
"Vodka," Sansa said shaking her glass making the ice cubes sing as her heart pounded against her ribs.

  
"Perfect," Theon said with a grin.

  
"I'm going to go find Jeyne, see you guys later, and Theon, try to leave me some vodka."

  
She left the kitchen without a glance back at Jon, she was too embarrassed and was not sure if she had read the situation correctly. She shook her head to herself and realized the vodka and summer heat had probably gone to her head. She saw Jeyne in the yard surrounded by a group of local boys and headed down to join them.

  
The party lasted late into the night, finally around 3 or 4 am most people had passed out or gone in the house to turn in for the night. Sansa sat alone in the gazebo out on the lake finishing the last of her cocktail. She knew she should turn in soon but she also found her time alone there in the dark soothing after everything that had happened today.

  
Her mind had wandered off, dreaming about Jon and what might have happened if Theon had not barged into the kitchen. She heard a noise on the dock behind her and her heart skipped a beat, she hoped it was Jon. She turned and felt disappointment wash over her when she saw Joffrey. His face was twisted in a cruel sneer.

  
"Did you enjoy your night? Too busy talking to the townies to even realize I was not there? I take it you didn't miss me?" he accused her.

  
She stood and faced him. "I was relieved you were not there, for once I could enjoy my night."

  
He disregarded her statement. “I thought at some point you would get a clue and come over to apologize for your behavior from earlier."

  
"My behavior? My behavior!? You stormed off to go sulk because of some water. You insulted my brother and sister, my friends. I clearly am not what you are looking for in a girlfriend. Furthermore I have had enough of you trying to pressure me into something I don't want to do," she bit out. She had not planned to be so bold in her words to him and had she not been buzzed she was sure she would've held back more.

  
Joffrey stared at her dismissively. "That's not how this works, no girl leaves me, not unless I am ready to be done with her. And I am not done with you yet."

  
"Well I am done with you," she announced and moved to pass him, she just wanted to get to the house, that way if he followed her and did anything her brother or Jon would be there to protect her. She was nearly around him when he slapped her. Sansa reeled back, tears springing to her eyes from the shock. He had never struck her before, and despite all this cruel words she never thought he would lay his hands on her.

  
"You stupid bitch, you think you can just walk away like that, that I am not owed something for the past months I have wasted on you? You are gonna give me something, refuse and I'll destroy you at school. You'll be nothing come the fall unless you do what I tell you right now." He snarled and grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her back, she fell to the dock, her glass shattering. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to her knees. She had never really feared him before, but in that moment she did. How had she not seen him for the cruel boy he was? She had heard the rumors about what he had done to other girls but she had not believed he would treat her like that, she was a Stark after all.

  
She looked up and saw he was fumbling with his belt and she understood what was about to happen, she needed to do something and quick. And then in a blur he was no longer in front of her and heard a loud splash. She heard him thrashing about and cursing and she looked up to see Jon helping her to her feet.

  
"You are going to pay for this!" Joffrey screamed.

  
"Unless you want to wake the whole house and explain to everyone why you are in the lake I recommend that you swim back to your house and go to bed. Also do not ever come near Sansa again, ever. Do you hear me? If you do anything to try and even the score with her I will tell everyone what happened here, and that is after I kick your ass. And don't think for one minute that Robb and Theon won't help me. I have no issue calling Ned and Robert either and explaining what happened here." He stared at Joffrey waiting on him to react.

  
He stared at them both through silted eyes, waves of anger pouring off him. "I suggest you go now before I decide to alert the house anyways," Jon hissed.

  
Joffrey opened his mouth but then thought better and headed towards shore. He knew he would have to wait to get the upper hand at a later time.

  
Jon led her to the bench and sat her down. "Are you alright?" he implored.

  
"I am now, how did you find me?"

  
"Voices carry over water pretty clearly and Joffrey was making no attempt to be quiet. I came out on the patio before heading to bed when I heard the glass shatter, figured I should investigate. I'm sorry I did not get down here sooner."

  
"It's ok, you were here when it mattered," and then she began to cry.

  
She was shaking and crying. Jon sat next to her wrapping her in a hug and trying to soothe her. When she finally calmed down enough he looked her straight in the face and said, "Do you want to go to the police? We can, maybe we should."

  
"No, no, we can't, everyone will be in trouble for this party, and I've been drinking. You know Robert will have an attorney that will get him cleared of any charges. I'll just end up humiliated and mom and dad will be so angry with all of us."

  
"Sansa I think they will be more concerned about what was happening to you."

  
"It's over Jon, let's just move beyond it. It's over with Joffrey, I promise, please don't do anything that will make it worse."

  
He sighed and looked at her tear stained face, "Ok, but you have to swear to me it's truly over with him, no going back."

  
"I promise, it's done."

  
"Alright, I'll keep it between us, I don't like it but I'll respect your wishes this time," he agreed and brushed a tear from her right cheek.

  
"Thank you Jon, thank you for everything."

  
He leaned in and kissed her forehead gently.

  
"Are you ready to go back in the house?" he asked.

  
"Not just yet. The sun will be up soon, can we stay here and watch it?"

  
He looked at her and then to the horizon. He nodded in agreement and they sat back on the bench, his arm around her shoulder and watched the sun rise on a new day.


	5. Morning Memories

Present

  
Sansa awoke early the following morning and rolled towards the window. She could tell the sun was not up yet but knew she would not be able to go back to sleep. She could hear the surf calling to her. She thought about Robb's words last night, that her distance from the family was only causing them all more pain. Maybe it was time to let everything go, to move forward, maybe she had wrong to keep her distance. She nearly laughed at herself, the therapist she had been required to see while at school would be proud of her for finally having a break through.

  
She got out of bed, dressed, pulled her hair back and decided to head down to the beach. There was no one out save for a few resort workers who were readying things for the day. She followed the path to the beach. She made her away across the sand, heading to the row of chairs closest to the water and sat down in one of the lounge chairs. There were hints of pink just starting to peek over the sky behind the resort, the sky over the water was still a blueish purple, it was serene. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the waves, the faint cry of sea birds and the breeze in the nearby palm trees. For the first time in a long time she felt a sense peace wash over her.

  
"Beautiful." She heard from behind her.

  
Her eyes popped open and she saw Jon standing beside her. He was looking directly at her and she wasn't sure if his comment was directed at her or their surroundings.

  
"Yes, it is," she agreed as her eyes slide to the horizon and then back to him.

  
He looked unsure and nervous standing there, the breeze blowing his curls and in that moment she felt a pang of longing for him, for the way they once were. Against her better judgement she sighed, "Would you like to sit down?"

  
A look of relief crossed over his face and he nodded slightly and sat in the chair next to her. They said nothing as they sat side by side, listening to the waves and watching the sky brighten. A memory from a morning several summers ago when they had also watched a sunrise together crept into her mind, she remember the feeling of hope she had that morning, how she hoped that maybe something would grow between her and Jon. She glanced out of the corner of her eye and wondered if Jon might be thinking the same thing. She scoffed at herself and her naiveté. Jon turned and looked at her then and she realized to her horror that her scoff had been out loud. She felt embarrassed and cross with herself.

  
“Guess you couldn't sleep either, huh? Something on your mind? Guilt perhaps?" She somehow couldn't resist taking a swipe at him to ease her embarrassment.

  
"Sansa," he began.

  
She hated the way her name on his lips sounded like a prayer, how it still thrilled her. She needed to neutralize him and fast. "Do you regret things you've done Jon?"

  
He stared at her, maybe he hoped she would clarify what she was asking, did she mean with her or life in general. He feared saying the wrong thing and frightening her off or making her more angry with him.

  
"I regret ever causing you any pain."

  
"So you don't regret the action, just the outcome?"

  
"I did what I thought was right."

  
She met his gaze and held it. She knew he meant it; it was in his eyes, on his face, he truly believed he had done the right thing, the noble thing, because that is how Jon is. It melted some of the ice around her heart. He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to turn her face into his hand and to pretend that they could go back. The first rays of pure morning sun fell on them in that moment and it seemed like a sign to her, a new day was dawning, and new beginnings might be possible. And yet she felt terrified, would he still look at her like that if he knew what really happened that day, if he knew she had kept quiet and had essentially protected Ramsay at such a cost to herself? Would he feel sorry for her? She didn't want his pity, but she didn't want to lose his respect. How was it he still cared so much after all this time, after she had worked so hard to push him away?

  
"I should probably head back to my room," she whispered hoping to get away from him before nostalgia totally made her lose all reason.

  
"Can we get breakfast? I really want to talk to you, I want us to move pass what happened."

  
"I can't," she started and he looked crest fallen, "I mean I promised mom I would make sure all the welcome baskets were ready….." she finished lamely.

  
"Right, the Tyrells and their guest are arriving today. Well, I suppose duty calls, I'm sure I have best man duties to attend to anyways," he said and rose from the chair, "I'm sure we'll be crossing paths again later today. Have a good morning."

  
He turned, shoulders hunched and began to walk away. It reminded her of a time when she had been the one to walk away, how she’d wanted nothing more than for him to have called out to her, to have stopped her. The memories of that feeling crushed the last of her resolve. "Jon!" she called and he turned back to face her, "I do want to talk at some point, try to reach an understanding, maybe."

  
He glanced up as gull flew by and smiled softly. "I suppose that's the best I can hope for," he said, "you let me know when you're ready."

  
She gave a slight smile back and gave a slight nod and with that he turned and headed back up the beach glancing back at her one more time as he turned unto the path. She had watched him go. Despite her fear she thought to herself, "Maybe it is time to move forward, maybe it will be ok.” 


	6. Just a Kiss

Past

  
They ended up staying on the lake another 10 days. Joffrey had left the day following the incident at the party. Sansa had felt free and happy for the first time in months. The incident seemed to have bonded her and Jon. As the days went on she realized that there were more and more moments that they were alone together, some that he seemed to be creating. It had become easy to talk to him, he knew her biggest secret after all, a secret that she had not even shared with Jeyne. Initially she thought he was spending time with her due to his sense of duty, that he wanted to make sure she was ok after what had had happened, but sometimes she would catch him looking at her and the look in his eyes did not speak solely of brotherly love and responsibility. She could barely hope to believe it, but it seemed all her girlhood wishes might be coming true.

  
On one particular evening, near the end of their time there, Robb and Theon had gone to town to pick up dinner, Jeyne and Arya had tagged along, leaving them alone at the house. They found themselves sitting out on the end of dock, toes hanging in the water talking about the end of summer and his plans for school in the fall.

  
"It'll be a big change, I almost can't picture going through each day for weeks and months without Robb and Theon. I mean I guess I knew at some point we would all get lives that would take us in different directions, but now that it's actually here it's just hard to imagine."

  
"I know, the thought of the three musketeers not hanging around our house eating all the food every other day, what will the rest of us do?" she teased him. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he looked out over the lake, he seemed far away in that moment. She wanted to tell him she couldn't imagine not seeing him nearly every day, that the thought tore at her heart but she suddenly felt shy, plus she still wasn't sure he felt anywhere close to the same. She mirrored his gaze out on to the lake.

  
"And what about you? Are you going to be ok in the fall or do you think Joffrey will cause problems?" he asked breaking the silence.

  
"I'm sure he'll try but I don't want to focus on that now, plus with any luck by then he'll have moved on to someone else, maybe he'll find someone that actually pleases him," she mused.

  
"With any luck," he echoed, and then turned to look at her profile, "Though how any guy would not be pleased with you is beyond me." He looked at her stricken as soon as the words left his mouth.

  
Sansa turned to face him and blushed, "You know I'm fine right? You don't have to say such sweet things to make me feel better Jon."

  
He seemed to decide something in that moment, his eyes seemed to clear as he looked at her. "What if I meant them? Would that be so terrible?" he asked. He fidgeted uncomfortably as he waited for her to respond.

  
"It won't be terrible if you truly meant them but if you are saying them to soothe Robb's little sister…."

  
"I'm not saying them to…. I mean I don't want to think of you as Robb's little sister, I haven't thought of you as just that in a while actually. But then you were with that idiot and all I could do was watch, I hated every moment you were with him, but I told myself it was what you wanted. I was furious when I found out he treated you so terribly, these last few weeks have been a new form of torture… I can't help but think I should've said something sooner, stopped us both from wasting the year…." His voice trailed off as Sansa became very aware of her heart beating in her chest.

  
They sat looking at each other, time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. Jon reached out and trailed his fingers down the length of her arm and Sansa shivered, it felt like fireworks were going to burst from her skin where he had touched her.

  
"What are you saying?" she asked him. He looked so nervous and uncomfortable and she found it endearing. She reached out and smoothed back the curls from his face, he caught her hand and kissed her palm, his eyes locking with hers, suddenly all the nervousness was gone from him and he seemed determined. He pulled her closer, his eyes never leaving hers, he was looking for permission, he did not want to remind her of Joffrey. She nodded ever so slightly and sighed and Jon's lips were on hers. He tasted of smoke and salt, of promise and warmth. If time had seemed slow before, now it had come to a halt. Her hands wound into his hair and he clung to her in return, his hand winding up her back. In all the years she had longed for him she never dreamed it would be this amazing.

  
They parted slightly to breathe, their foreheads tipped together, their breathes mingling from the continued proximity. She could almost feel tears forming from happiness. They kissed again, soft and slow. Sansa was sure her heart would burst from her chest at any moment and knock them both into the lake. They separated again, this time just enough so they could look at each other's face, they were both smiling. Jon took her hands in his.

  
"I never knew you…" she began before being startled by voices and the sound of car doors slamming. They looked at each other with a sense of panic, while she was thrilled with the turn of events she wasn't sure how Robb or Arya would react. She was sure Jon wondered the same, she was still his best friend's little sister. They both attempted to scrambled to their feet but in her haste she slipped and reach for Jon, pulling them both into the lake. She cried out in dismay; he started to laugh. Sansa glared at him for a moment before starting to laugh as well.

  
Arya bounded out on to the deck calling for them and announced that pizza had arrived. Upon seeing them in the lake she rolled her eyes and huffed, "You two are ridiculous! I want to eat, I'm not waiting for you to get out, shower and do your hair Sansa." She turned then and stalked back in the house.

  
Jon laughed, "Yeah Sansa, don't make people wait."

She smirked and then splashed him. "I could say the same to you Jon Snow."

  
Jon glanced at the house and then pulled her against him, "I guess we better hurry then."

  
Before she could answer Robb came out on the deck, Jon quickly released her. Robb called to them, "I think you might've forgot house rules; if you want dinner I recommend getting in here, I'm not sure how long I can hold Arya and Theon off."

  
"We're getting out now!" Jon called back. Robb shook his head in amusement as he turned and walked back inside, they heard him shout something at Arya as he went.

  
Sansa and Jon smiled at each other, sealing their shared secret, and swam towards the dock.


	7. A Constant Reminder

Present

  
The Tyrells and their guests had arrived like a force of nature. Margaery was clearly in her element as the center of attention; she commanded any room she entered. She was sweet but fierce and Sansa admired that about her. Her parents found her to be a good match for Robb, but Sansa found herself laughing at the showdowns that her soon to be sister in law would likely face with Cat in the future.

  
The day itself had been a whirlwind, running around the resort, greeting guests, making sure welcome baskets were in each room. While the staff at the hotel was top notch, Cat refused to leave anything to chance. Plus, Sansa got the feeling Cat wanted her kept busy for her own peace of mind, she wanted to insure that Sansa would not be tempted by the mini bar in her room.

  
It was late afternoon before Sansa was able to make it back to her room for a break. She finally had a couple of hours to herself in which to shower, change and get ready for tonight's welcome dinner. She realized for the first time that she was actually looking forward to spending time with her family and her friends. It helped that she knew that Margaery would command most of the attention and she could go unnoticed, but also for the first time she thought it might be time to let go of all the hurt and anger she had been keeping in these last couple years.

  
She walked out on the balcony and breathed in the salty humid air. She was grateful for this reset, for this chance to change course. It actually felt like a weight had been lifted off her, that she could take a full breath for the first time in years. She looked out on the resort and caught sight of Jon walking along one of the paths. He seemed to be off in his own world, muttering to himself thoughtful. She had almost forgotten how easily he took her breath away. For a brief moment she let herself get lost in memory, recalling how his lips and his hands had felt on her, how she had been so hopeful for what had been building between them so long ago, how she felt she had belonged with him and he with her.

  
He clearly still cared for her, but she doubted it was in the way she had once hoped. He didn't choose you when you needed him most, she suddenly reminded herself, recalling the bitter memory of running away from his dorm room rejected and ashamed. He probably felt guilty because of what had happened next, that was all this was now, he was just trying to make up for failing her back then; maybe she wasn’t as ready to let go of the past as she’d hoped.

  
She was too lost in her own thoughts to notice he had seen her from the path below and had stopped to take her in. She was so beautiful, her hair the same warm copper you'd find in the setting sun. He regretted telling her parents about his concerns that she had been drinking too much prior to the accident. In the aftermath he had always questioned if what he had perceived had actually been the truth. He had tried to give her space initially, to allow her to heal, but when Robb had told him that Cat and Ned had decided to force her into rehab out of state once she was released from the hospital, that she would spend her senior year with their aunt; he had wondered if he had actually done the right thing when he has gone to them. He had attempted to get in contact with her before she was packed off to rehab, to apologize, to explain, but Cat had told him to back off, that she needed to focus on her recovery.

  
When she had been allowed to come home for Thanksgiving several months later he had found her changed. She had barely spoken to him, her eyes were so full of hurt and sadness, and there was an undercurrent of something harder as well, so he decided not to push. He figured he deserved some form of penance for the pain he had caused her. He had hoped that with a little more time she might soften to the point where she would hear him out.

  
He still regretted that he had realized too late that he loved her. He had ended things with Ygritte shortly after that, it wasn't fair to her to be with someone that wanted someone else, even if Sansa no longer wanted him. Ygritte had been angry with him, accused him of never caring for her, for trying to use her to fill the void Sansa had left. She had called him pathetic and told him that Sansa would never want him because he had failed her in ways he couldn't even understand. She had laughed at him then and had departed with a sneer, telling him he knew nothing.

  
When he saw Sansa again the following summer, the one before she left for college, the sadness and hurt seemed to have turned to distain and anger which almost bordered on hatred. The hard edge that he had hoped would soften had instead solidified.

  
He had still wanted to reach out to her then, despite how she seemed to feel towards him, but she made it clear she was only focused on heading off to college out of state and because of all that had happened her felt he owed her a fresh start. So he had kept his distance; his decision validated when Robb had shared with him that Sansa refused to come home from school for the holidays. To him it seemed she wanted to leave her old life behind, and that included him.

  
Looking at her now he longed for her, felt a physical ache to take her in his arms, to make her understand that he had only wanted to help her, save her, heal her. He had kept her secret about Joffrey's behavior in the pool house and that almost ended up costing her dearly. He had always wondered if he had acted sooner if he could've prevented the whole accident to begin with. With that in mind he had done what he thought was right at the time to prevent any future damage.

  
He realized she had noticed him looking at her. She raised her hand a gave a small wave before she turned and headed back into her room. If he was honest with himself, he still wanted her. He knew it was selfish, but he had to know if there was any chance she could forgive him, and a tiny piece of him dared to hope maybe she would want him in return. So he breathed in deeply, started down the path again and resolved to himself that he had the next week to make her understand.


	8. This Mirror Holds My Eyes too Bright

Past

  
They had returned from the lake deciding to keep their new relationship a secret. Sansa relished the long glances, stolen kisses and midnight meetings that had rounded out the last days at the lake. Jon had suggested they should at least tell Robb but Sansa had convinced him to keep it quiet for now, no point setting off an uproar just yet she figured. In some ways she did not believe this could be real and she wanted to see if they could last now that they were away from the magic of the lake.

  
Her parents had not been too upset she had ended things with Joffrey, and she had her suspicions that Robb might have shared with them what he had seen that final day, of Joffrey's harsh treatment of her and Arya. It was a relief she had not had to defend her decision.

  
They only had a little over a month before Jon would leave to head up state for school and Sansa could feel the clock ticking. They had yet to define exactly what was going on between them and she was scared to press the discussion, to break the spell they were currently under, but she did lie awake many nights wondering where it was headed.

  
Two weeks later they lay on Jon's bed in his house. Jon's mother travelled for work a lot so it was easy for them to spend time there together. They hadn't progressed too far beyond the point of kissing, but it was clear they both wanted more. She felt they were holding back though, just waiting for the other to be the one to push them just a little bit further.

  
He lay on his back, she lay on her side against him, head on his shoulder and his fingers lazily grazing up and down her arm. He hummed softly as she stroked his chest in return. It had been at least five minutes since either of them had spoke, Mumford and Sons' "Lover’s Eyes” played softly in the background filling the silence. Sansa could see them in his mirror, she could also see the boxes he had begun to pack. She knew they needed to discuss what was going to happen in a few short weeks. She hoped he would say they would go on as they were, but officially, sure it’d be from a distance, but they could call and text and email, they could take turns driving to see each other, then they could finally tell Robb. She just needed him to confirm he wanted those same things.

  
"Have you talked to your roommate yet?" She asked, hoping to segue way the conversation to their relationship at some point.

  
"Yes, it's some guy named Sam, he's from down state, seems nice enough, maybe a bit timid… guess I'll find out more in a couple of weeks," he said.

  
"Are you excited to go?" 'How do you feel about leaving me?' was what she had really wanted to ask.

  
"I suppose; school will be a new adventure, but it's odd to think about being away from home, away from my mom. I mean she travels but I'm always here to greet her when she returns, I hate thinking she'll be lonely without me. And like I've told you before, being away from Robb and Theon will be hard. I suppose I'll have to find a couple of new friends to keep out of trouble," he laughed.

  
Sansa noted with an internal wince that he had not mentioned being away from her. "I'm sure there will be plenty of clueless college males to pick from and steer in the right direction. If there aren't any in the dorms look at joining a frat."

  
"True enough," he agreed with laughter.

  
Silence settled back over them and Sansa bit her lip to hold back her tears of disappointment. She suddenly felt so stupid. They had only been more than friends for just over a month, why had she thought Jon would be interested in heading to college tied down to a high school girl from his hometown? He would be off on new adventures, probably reinventing himself, she had been naïve to think she would have a prominent place in his new world.

  
"I should go," she said suddenly sitting up.

  
"So soon?"

  
"Yeah, I promised Jeyne I would help her pick out a new hairstyle. She wants to make a statement for the first day," she lied.

  
"Ok then," Jon said and sat up, he looked at her carefully, he didn't believe her but he didn't want to call her a liar. "Do you want me to drop you off?"

  
"No, I can walk. And you should probably get to packing, you don't have much time left till the move." Her voice hitched over the last word as she rose from the bed and stepped towards the door.

  
Jon caught her hand. "Sansa."

  
She kept her back to him, pleading with herself not to cry. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her from behind and she felt her body melt into his. The warmth of his embrace endangered her resolve.

  
"Sansa," he repeated, his breathe lapping over her shoulder and along her neck. A single tear slid down her cheek and splashed on her collar bone, he reached his hand up and slid his finger tips over the tear and down the bone.

  
"Jon," she whimpered.

  
"Tell me," he implored.

  
"Will you miss me?"

  
"Every day, every damn day," he breathed. It wasn't a declaration of love, nor a promise of a future but it was something and it gave her hope.

  
She slowly turned around in his arms and pressed against him. She tilted her head up to him and leaned into the kiss. He was tentative at first but then responded more eagerly as she deepened the kiss. He groaned as she pressed her hips against him, causing him to take a step back and bump into the bed. She pressed forward and with nowhere to go he sat back on the bed. She crawled into his lap, straddling him and fisting his hair. His hands snaked up her back, pulling her down on him, increasing the pressure between them. He felt himself getting hard and he knew he needed to stop them soon before he crossed a line with her. She started to bob up and down ever so slightly on him, gaging his reaction. He groaned into her mouth and for a moment pulled her deeper. She moaned against his ear ever so quietly and he felt his pants strain further.

  
"Sansa, we need to st….." he tried to protest.

  
"Jon," she panted out ever so softly, her tone cautioning him not to overthink this moment. She shifted back slightly and pulled her tank top over her head, taking her bralette with it. She dropped it on the bed next to them. She now straddled him topless. His breath was ragged as he took her in. He had never seen her like this, they had made out plenty but they had always kept their clothes on. She smiled shyly at him and leaned forward to kiss him. His mind was screaming in protest but he could feel his resolve melting, his body straining towards her.

  
He raised his hand to touch her, to cup her breast. As his hand contacted her warm smooth flesh the phone rang, jolting them apart. Sansa had jumped back startled and stood before him crossing her arms over her chest. He grabbed the phone from the night stand, it was his mother.

  
"It's my mom, I should take this," he said, cleared his throat and pressed the button to answer.

  
Sansa nodded, suddenly embarrassed; she grabbed her top and excused herself to the bathroom to straighten herself up. In her absence Jon felt relieved and thankful his mother had called. If not for her interruption he doubted he would've been able to stop himself in time. He wanted Sansa more than he had ever wanted another girl, but he did not think it would be honorable to take her virginity and then move away, especially when he had no idea what they would be once he was at school. And if he was really being honest with himself he did not deserve to enjoy her like that. He often lay awake at night feeling guilty that he had started this with her despite the fact he was leaving so soon. It had been selfish but he had wanted her all year, ever since she had taken up with Joffrey and it had made him admit to himself that he had feelings for her. He had resisted for months but then the events at the lake had happened and he had let the want take over, to seize what he had so long denied himself. He wished he could promise her a long distance romance, but if he was being honest with himself he wasn't sure that it would be the best thing for either of them, they clearly were in different stages of their lives. He just wasn't sure how to tell her that in a way that she would understand.

  
He ended the call with his mother, she had wanted to let him know she had to push a meeting and would not be home until tomorrow evening. He turned and saw Sansa standing in the doorframe looking at him, waiting for him to answer the question that always hung between them now, but in that moment he had no answer for her.


	9. Take my Hand Help me on my Way

Present

Sansa stood near Arya and Gendry sipping slowly on her glass of champagne. She was still on her 1st glass but she could still feel her mother glancing at her disapprovingly every so often. She sighed and then join in laughing with her sister as Arya whispered sarcastic comments about several of the guests.

"That’s it; if, big if, I ever get married, I’m not having a wedding," she announced suddenly.

Sansa automatically looked at Gendry who just shrugged, apparently this was not news to him. Even if Arya was only eighteen Sansa knew she rarely changed her stances on things once she’d decided something. 

"And why is that?" Sansa asked. 

"Because I refuse to be the center of such a display. Can you imagine the type of show mom would put on if she was in charge? No thank you," Arya stated.

Sansa rolled her eyes at her sister. She thought the party was beautiful and tasteful. There were bright colors and delicious food and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Maybe the fire dancers were a bit much, but that was not something her mother had chosen, the Tyrells were running this show.

Robb and Margaery were ever the gracious hosts, smiling, mingling, greeting all the guest. Sansa admired her near sister in law, Margaery seemed to have the power to make anyone feel like the most important person in the room when she smiled at them.

She drained the last of her champagne and walked away to set her glass on a nearby table. Jeyne strolled over to her then.

"This is amazing! Everything is so beautiful, I'm so glad I'm here for this!" she gushed, snatching a shrimp from the tray that passed by them.

"It is amazing, and I am so glad you are here. It's made me realize how much I missed you and that I have not been a very good friend," Sansa said turning to face her.

Jeyne blinked at her and looked a bit stunned. "Sorry, I didn't mean to just blurt that out," Sansa said stiffly.

Jeyne pulled her into an embrace. "I've missed you too. I didn't really know what to say after it happened, and then you got sent away. And then when you came back, well, time had passed and you were different… and I got busy with my own life, and so maybe you weren't the only one that wasn't a good friend."

Sansa blinked back tears and hugged her again. A waiter happened by as they pulled apart, offering them champagne. Sansa took another glass, she wanted to celebrate the rekindling of their friendship, to do something normal. They toasted each other and began to catch up on the recent events of their lives.

Cat looked across the room at the two girls and felt anxious. Was Sansa actually taking a second glass? She took a step forward to intervene but felt Ned's hand on her arm. "Leave her be Cat," he whispered, "She promised us she would not embarrass herself or Robb, give her a chance to keep her word."

Cat sighed and looked at him, he could tell by the set of his expression it was not merely a suggestion. She gave the tiniest nod and headed in the other direction. Ned looked across the room observing his daughter. She seemed perfectly in control of herself and she looked happy, happier than he had seen her in a long time. His chest tightened, he could only hope that this wedding might lead to a greater reconciliation within the family.

Jon and Theon strolled up to the girls as they stood giggling over a story Jeyne was telling. "Enjoying yourselves I see," Theon observed.

"How could anyone not? This place is magical," Jeyne answered him.

Jon's eyes roamed over Sansa, taking in her short but tasteful purple gown, her hair falling in loose waves down her back. Her eyes had some of the old spark he recalled from their youth, before all the ugliness. She noticed him regarding her, it made her stomach flutter, she flushed, suddenly feeling self conscious. He bit his lip to keep from smiling at the slight flush that colored her cheeks, it pleased him that he could still have an effect on her.

She drained the last of her glass and set it aside. Robb and Margaery strolled over, joining the group. The boys shook hands and Margaery hugged Sansa and Jeyne.

"You look absolutely stunning, my brother has done quite well for himself," Sansa complimented her.

"Oh I'm the lucky one here," Margaery demurred. Robb looked at her and beamed. Sansa smiled to see her brother so happy.

Margaery looked around the group and sighed. "So many empty hands and glasses, this cannot stand," she announced and waved a waiter over.

"Marg," Robb began.

"My father's toast is coming up, you can't have people toasting empty handed Robb, it's bad form," she said battling her eyelashes.

The waiter handed everyone a fresh glass. Robb and Jon glanced at each other and then at Sansa. She looked at each of them pleadingly, she did not want them to ruin the festive mood or embarrass Margaery, who it seemed did not know the family secret. Robb gave her a tight smile seeming to acquiesce to her unspoken plea.

The sound of tinkling glasses rose through the air and their attention was drawn to Margaery's father who was preparing to say his toast.

When he concluded they all raised their glasses and drank to the happy couple. Sansa drained her's down, hoping it would settle her nerves a bit.

"You both should join me and the other girls at the spa tomorrow," Margaery announced turning back to Jeyne and Sansa. "I need to unwind and I imagine you might too. My treat of course." She glanced at Jon and then gave Sansa a wicked wink.

Sansa gapped a bit, what had she been told? Had Jon said something to her? Or was she just that perceptive? Any nerves she had hoped to calm with champagne were now completely on edge.

A waiter walked by then and Margaery plucked two flutes from the tray, thrusting one into Sansa's hand. "We would love to," Jenye squealed.

"I'd love to, I'll need to make sure mom doesn't need me for some other duty of course," Sansa smiled and took a drink.

"Of course, though maybe remind your mother that no one should deny a request of the bride the week of her wedding. Now regrettably we must go mingle, but enjoy the night, enjoy the drinks," she said sweetly and hugged Sansa again and then took Robb's arm leading him off. Sansa saw Robb glance back over his shoulder, concern clearly on his face.

Sansa sighed and took another drink, she relished the warmth that was spreading through her body, the slight weightlessness the buzz was bringing, it made her care a little less that Robb looked so distressed as he left. Whatever buzz she was developing was cut short by Jon's pointed look at her. She locked eyes with him and downed the rest of the glass, challenging him as she swallowed. He shook his head slightly and looked exasperated.

Sansa felt her face grow warm under his gaze, what had gotten into her? She didn't really drink anymore, and if she did it was never more than one drink, and she knew the four glasses of champagne was going to hit her hard and soon. She felt a slight panic bubbling up in her stomach, she couldn't let on she was moving towards drunk. She couldn’t allow her mother’s concerns be validated. She was not going to give anyone that satisfaction.

"Excuse me please," she said to Jeyne and Theon, avoiding looking at Jon. She turned and headed towards where her parents were standing. Jon felt a surge of concern, he started to move in that direction, preparing to intervene if needed.

"Mom," she began causing Cat to turn and look at her daughter, "Let me take Rickon back to his room, he looks dead on his feet." Cat looked down at her youngest son who was standing near her, swaying sleepily on his feet.

"I'm not tired," Rickon pouted and then rubbed his eyes.

"Of course you aren't my boy, but maybe your sister is. Can you see her back to the room like a gentleman?" Ned piped in.

Sansa smiled sweetly, tamping down a bubble of laughter building in her throat.

"Ok," Rickon relented taking his sister's hand.

"Thank you dear girl," Cat said and kissed her daughter's forehead and then turned back to greet some more guests. Sansa guided her brother across the room and out the side door.  
Jon let out a long breath he had been holding as he watched the Starks interact. He turned and headed towards the same doors that Sansa had just exited from with Rickon. When they were both a little ways down the path he called out to her and quickened his pace to pull up alongside of them.

"Can I walk with you?" He asked as he fell in step beside her.

"I'm a gentleman escorting Sansa because she's tired. Are you tired too Jon?" Rickon asked innocently.

Jon laughed, "Escorting is it? How very proper of you." He raised an eyebrow at Sansa, amused with the youngest Stark's assessment of the situation. Sansa turned her head to catch his eye, to share in the joke when she suddenly stumbled, falling into his arms. Rickon giggled, "See! She is very tired!"

This caused Sansa to giggle as well. Jon steadied her and then whispered in her ear, "Are you drunk?"

Sansa stopped giggling and pushed back from him, her face now closed to him, the spark in her eyes he'd seen earlier now gone.

"You don't need to bother yourself, you should go back to the party. I think we can manage just fine on our own," she said coldly, "Right, Rickon?”

"No Sansa," Rickon pouted, "I want Jon to come too."

Sansa breathed deeply, she did not want to cause her brother to throw a fit. He was tired and it wasn't much further to the room. She relented, "Ok Jon. You can walk us back."

Rickon clapped and took each of their hands and headed forward along the path.


	10. In the Middle of the Night I May Watch You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I choose for this chapter was not actually released until 2016 but I like it too much for this chapter so forgive me for that.

Past

  
The day had finally come, Jon was leaving tomorrow. They had all gathered at his house for a final goodbye. His mother had ordered pizza and let them have run of the backyard. They sat eating pizza and sipping on beers that Theon had smuggled over. Lyanna was pretty laid back, but they weren't sure she would be ok with 6 teenagers drinking in her yard, especially since Arya was barely 14.

  
"I have to say I'm jealous Snow, you're gonna have access to all those co-eds and I'll just be stuck here, in night classes, with a bunch of working "nontraditional" student moms," Theon lamented.

  
"That's your own fault," Robb teased him, "With your grades you're lucky to even have that option, you barely made it out of high school."

  
"And that was mainly just the administration having mercy on the teachers so they didn't have to put up with you for another year," Jon added on.

  
Theon scoffed, "I was not that bad! But at least if I'd stayed back I would've still had easy access to high school girls."

  
"Oh, because access was the issue!" Jenye said, it was meant to be a tease but then she blushed. Jeyne's crush on Theon had long been an open secret so she knew everyone thought she was speaking about herself.

  
"Well some high school girls are just too good for the likes of Theon," Jon laughed, his eyes locked with Sansa as he took a long drink of beer.

  
Sansa felt a shiver run through her, long looks from Jon always sent electricity through her. They still had not talked about what would happen now that he was leaving. The only time they had even come close was the afternoon in his room when his mother had called and interrupted them, but in the end they had just agreed to enjoy the time they had remaining and worry about it later. So they had continued on with stolen moments and kisses but Jon held to his vow not to have sex with her, much to Sansa's frustration. She was still young enough to think that the act alone would somehow bind him to her forever, distance be damned.

  
"Well, it's an end of an era, the fellowship is broken," Robb declared, quoting one of his favorite movies.

  
"So it begins," Arya giggled.

  
Sansa rolled her eyes, here we go, she thought, always with that stupid movie.

  
"Are you frightened?" Theon asked.

  
"Yes," Jon said in his best frightened rasp.

  
"Not nearly frightened enough," Theon replied.

  
"One does not simply walk…" Robb trailed off as Lyanna appeared in the yard and they all scrambled to hide their beers.

  
"Do you kids need anything else?" she asked, eyeing them suspiciously, their scurrying was not lost on her.

  
"I think we're fine mom," Jon told her.

  
"Ok but don't stay up too late, we need to get an early start and we still have to pack the car in the morning. I can't believe it's already time for my baby boy to leave me," Lyanna stated.

  
"Mom," Jon groaned, "you'll have me all to yourself tomorrow, try to save your lamentations till then."

  
"I know, I know," Lyanna laughed. She tussled his hair and headed back into the house.

  
"I suppose that was our cue then," Robb said with resignation.

  
"I suppose so," Jon said rising to his feet.

  
They all began to hug and say goodbye. They promised to stay in touch, that they would be reunited at Thanksgiving. Sansa knew they all meant it now, but she also knew things would be different by then, there was no stopping the changes that came with time. She had the sad realization that the fellowship really might be over.

  
She was the last to say goodbye to him. Jon hugged her tightly, breathing in her scent. "Meet me at midnight, at Wintertown Park, I want to have a real goodbye with you," he breathed in her ear.

  
She nodded into his shoulder and pulled back.

  
"Until later," she whispered with a hint of a smile before she turned to follow Robb and Arya to the car.  
—  
Sansa snuck out of the house and made her way to the park. She spotted Jon's car in the parking lot and made her way over to him, opened the door and slid in the passenger seat. “Sleep on the Floor” was playing softly on the radio.

  
Jon turned to her and gave her a small sad smile, it caused her heart to skip a beat. "I thought we deserved a proper goodbye," he said reaching for her. He had wrestled with himself intensely for the last couple of weeks but he had finally reached a decision. He kissed her. It was tender and sweet, but Sansa tasted a hint of bitter finality she did not care for.

  
"I'm glad we had the summer," he whispered as they parted.

  
Sansa had learned to read Jon fairly well and could feel he was going to try and end it here. The logical part of her knew it made the most sense, they were not on the same path at the moment, but she did not want to hear it. She pulled his face to hers, kissing him desperately and swung over into his lap, she reached down and pulled the lever on the seat causing them to tumble back. He laughed into her lips and continued to kiss her.

  
She pulled her shirt over her head, revealing a tiny white lace bra. Jon hummed in approval and briefly wondered how she'd snuck something like that past her mother. She guided his hand to her breast and nibbled his ear. She had him pinned beneath and he wished more than anything that he could just let this happen. She felt amazing, warm and soft and real; he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in her and not come up for air, but he knew it would be wrong, he had made himself a promise he wouldn't.

  
He suddenly realized she had pulled his shirt off as well and her warm flesh against his was about to make him break that promise. Her hands were starting to travel down his stomach towards his pants. He took her face in his hands and slowly drew her back.

  
"This isn't right," he whispered in a low husk.

  
"Don't you want me?" She asked, her voice trembling.

  
He kissed her softly and drew her back again, "Dear god you have no idea how much I do, but it won't be right. I'm leaving tomorrow. And our… your 1st time should not be in a car in the park, it can't end with you walking home and me driving away. I can promise you this, if this were ever to happen, we are going wake up in each other's arms the following morning."

  
"I don't care about that," she whined.

  
"Well I do, this can't happen now, Sansa."

  
She pouted and rolled her hips. Jon shudder, his body betraying him. "Are you sure?" she asked wickedly, feeling the hardness under her.

  
"Regrettably sure."

  
Sansa huffed and rolled back into the passenger seat. Jon handed her her shirt. She took it and pulled it on with an angry flourish.

  
"I'm going to miss that angry pout," he teased.

  
"So where does this leave us then?" She blurted out.

  
He barked out an uncomfortable laugh. She shot him a serious look.

  
"I don't want to make any promises to you when I'm unsure if I can keep them. I've never been away from home like this. And you're headed back to school, there'll be dances, parties, things you'll want to share with someone….."

  
"I don't care about any of that stuff."

  
"That's a lie, and even if it was true you will at some point. You deserve to experience all those things, to have those memories, I can't hold you back from that, make you miss out."

  
"Don't be so noble Jon."

  
His mother had always told him he had an old soul and he realized in that moment Sansa was young; beautiful and strong but young. She didn't realize what she was wanting to give up to be with him. He treasured the memories he had of high school, of parties, dances, football games with Robb and Theon. If she skipped those things she would only come to resent him later and he hated the thought of that. And if he was truly being honest with himself he wanted the chanced to experience life in college, to be responsible for only himself, no worrying about his mom, about Theon, about a girlfriend back home. It might be selfish but he felt he owed it so himself to at least give himself the chance to have that experience.

  
"It's far from noble," he said bitterly.

  
"But none of that matters to me if I can be with you. I lo…." she started to argue. Jon panic, he couldn't let her say those words, not now, it would make everything too painful for both of them.

  
"But that's the thing Sansa, you won't have me, I won't be here," he interrupted her, he felt agitated and it come out in his voice.

  
Sansa narrowed her eyes at him. "Then why did you start this? Why did you kiss me at the lake? Tell me all those things when you knew you would be leaving? You just wanted a summer fling? Some story to share with your new college friends over a beer?"

  
Jon was taken aback by how angry she was, he had not wanted them to part like this.

  
"Was this some game? Were you using me?"

  
"Using you?! I have resisted every offer you have made of yourself!" He yelled in frustration. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Her expression registered as if he had slapped her. "Sansa….." he attempted to reach for her.

  
She pushed his hands back towards him and glared at him. "I guess we're both lucky you have such strong self-control, less to regret that way."

  
"Sansa, please, I didn't mean it like that. I just…. I was never using you, you can't really think that? I care about you, you know I do, it's just the timing… I'm sorry," he struggled to find the words. He wished he could explain to her how he had struggled and lost countless hours of sleep asking himself the same questions, why he had decided this summer was the time to make his move, why had he only allowed them such a short time to be together?

  
She stared at him, her face drawn and pained, it felt like a weight had been placed on his chest. He never wanted to hurt her, but won't it hurt worse if he promised her they could be together and then they never saw each other or grew apart? He wanted to save them both prolonged pain, why couldn't she see that? Who found their soul mate at 18 anyways? She was being naïve and Jon felt his frustration growing.

  
"I'm not trying to say never, this summer has been amazing, I wish it would never end. But…. I just…. Sansa I can't promise you something more right now, I won't lie to you like that."

  
Her expression remained unchanged but she realized there was no chance of changing Jon's mind when he thought he was doing the right thing. After a long pause she finally shrugged, "I should go before anyone figures out I'm gone."

  
He reached towards her and this time she did not push him away. He placed his palm on her cheek and kissed her softly one last time, trying to memorize the way she tasted, how the softness of her lips melded into his.

  
"I do care about you Sansa. I know we won't be together but if you ever need me…" he began.

  
"I'm sure I'll be fine, maybe I'll see you at Thanksgiving, enjoy college," she cut him off and opened the door. "Farwell Snow."

  
Before he could say another word she was out the door, closing it forcibly behind her and started back across the parking lot. He watched her go for a moment before he leaned his head forward unto the steering wheel trying to gather himself. He missed seeing her turn back and look at the car with one last hope that he would change his mind. She counted to five and when there was no movement in the car she turned and continued to walk away brushing away the tears that had started cascading down her cheeks.


	11. You Should Know

Present

  
They said few words to each other on the rest of the walk back, Rickon's lively chatter filled the silence between them. She was actually grateful for it since the champagne had really started to cloud her head and she feared what she might say in front of him anyways, she couldn't chance Rickon repeating anything to her parents. The further they walked the angrier she started to feel. She wasn't out of control, why did Jon feel the need to babysit her. It seemed they all just wanted to believe the worse of her, that she needed to be saved from herself. She knew that was why Jon was here now by her side, he didn't trust her or her judgement. She began to wonder if maybe her judgement was suspect, had she not earlier that same day thought it was time to forgive and move on from the past? Her own naivety only made her more angry.

  
They left Rickon with the nanny, each giving him a goodnight hug and headed back into the main room of her parents' suite. Sansa walked to the bar and poured herself a shot of rum, she turned to face Jon and downed it, staring at him, challenging him.

  
"Are you sure that's wise?" He asked her.

  
"When everyone expects the worse why bother fighting it?" She said darkly. She turned back to the bottle and poured another shot. He seemed to cross the room in two steps and caught her wrist.

  
"I don't expect the worse from you. Now stop this," he commanded.

  
Sansa shivered, she couldn't remember the last time he had been so close to her. The heat rolled off his body, his scent overwhelmed her. They stared into each other's eyes, searching each other for something. Sansa lowered her eyes to glance at where his hand was searing into her wrist and then looked back into his face. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she suddenly felt the urgent need to kiss him. She tilted her head ever so slightly and Jon jumped back as if burned.

  
"Just as I thought," she said and drank the shot. Honor, duty, loyalty, that was all that was holding him here.

  
“Sansa.”

  
“Jon.”

  
They were staring at each other. Her jaw set, her eyes sparking with anger. Jon realized he was going about this all wrong, he let out a long exhale.

  
"Maybe we could take a walk," he offered, his voice softer now. He figured he could walk the booze out of her before helping her back to her room, there was no way they would be returning to the party now.

  
Sansa's stomach had started to burned from the rum and she feared if she opened her mouth she might vomit, so she merely nodded her assent.

  
They left her parents' suite and headed for the beach. She stumbled a couple times before finally removing her heels, holding them out to him as an explanation. He had smiled at her and taken them without a word. Her stomach had stop burning but now the added alcohol was coursing through her veins, she was starting to feel a bit light headed. She kept sneaking glances at him, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to slap him or push him into the sand and crawl on top of him. God he looked good in the moonlight.

  
They were essentially alone on the beach save for a few other couples taking their own moonlight strolls, the waves and the wind carrying away their voices. She wasn't sure if the rum had made her brave or foolish but she felt like she would burst if she didn't say the words that were rushing into her throat.

  
"You should know I was never an alcoholic, not like you thought," she blurted out and then laughed, "I know, you probably don't want to believe me after what you just saw back there, but it's the truth, I wasn't."

  
Jon stopped and regarded her carefully, he hated to think he was taking advantage of her tipsy state but she never talked to him about the past and he longed to clear the air. He hated to pass up the opportunity now; he feared when she woke tomorrow she might feel ashamed of tonight and she'd throw her walls back up. He decided to press forward.

  
"Maybe you weren't," he conceded, "but it felt like you were drinking a lot that year and your blood alcohol the night of….."

  
"I know what it looked like, but things aren't ever what they appear." She seemed distant then, like she was thinking of something completely different then what they were discussing. "Anyways, you were away at school. And you lost perspective."

  
"What do you mean?"

  
"You didn't see me at those parties and honestly it's like you forgot how much everyone drank in high school. You, Robb and Theon spent nearly every Friday after games drinking. Did you forget Spring break, summers at the lake? We all drank Jon. I wasn't drinking anymore then you or Robb did at my age. I wasn't out of control."

  
Jon thought about that for a moment. She wasn't wrong, they did spend their fair amount of time at parties and had been known to pass some time drinking cheap malt liquor from the gas station down the road from Theon's, and they weren't addicted, just dumb teenagers.

  
"Maybe you have a point but you left me a lot of drunk messages that year, enough that I was concerned,” he conceded, but then added, “You never acted like that before.”

  
"It's not that strange for someone to call their ex after a few drinks," she countered. He flinched slightly at the word "ex," he didn't like to consider the way they parted that summer as being a contributing factor, though he'd thought that many times in the years since. "Also I had no need for drunk messages before, if I was buzzed and wanted to talk to you I use to be able to just walk in the other room."

  
Jon had never really considered that. He had just felt so terrible after her accident, questioning if he could've done anything to have prevented it, maybe it had skewed his perception.

  
"In case you're wondering I've forgiven you for rarely taking my calls," she smiled as if she'd told a joke, but the smile was cold.

  
"Sansa..."

  
"You know the thing that has always bothered me the most though is that you didn't come talk to me, after the accident, about your concerns. Why did you go to my parents before you came to me?"

  
"Would you have been honest?" She seemed hurt by his words but said nothing.

  
“Anyways, you were hurt so badly and I felt racked with guilt, I thought I should've known, should've been able to prevent it. And I didn't want to upset you further when you needed to focus on healing."

  
"And you thought telling my parents that I had been heavily drinking for months would speed my recovery?" She sneered.

  
"I knew if I came to you that you would beg me to keep your secret. And I knew I would not deny you, I always kept your secrets," he shot back. They both knew he was referring to Joffrey. They had discussed it numerous times that summer, Jon had felt guilty for what had happened to her, that he hadn't put a stop to it or told someone after the pool house incident. "I couldn't run that risk again, what if I had and then something worse had happened? I was scared that when they told you what you'd done that it'd only get worse. I just wanted to help you, keep you safe."

  
She whispered something then, it was barely audible but it sounded like, "Yes, what I had done."

  
"I just wish you had given me a chance to explain, no one ever gave me a chance to explain," she said. It came out much more whiny then she’d intended, it made her wince. ‘Shouldn’t have had that second shot,’ she thought.

  
"Do you want to explain it now?"

  
That made her stop. She turned to face him, a strange look on her face, it was almost as if she'd never considered the option before now. "Not tonight," she finally answered.

  
"If I had known they were going to send you away I would never have gone to them. I wanted them to help you, not exile you. I hope you know that."

  
She said nothing and started to walk again. She seemed distant now, Jon wasn't sure if she was tired or if the rum had finally taken hold of her. They walked for awhile in silence, he was no longer sure what to say to her.

  
"Maybe I earned it, the exile," she said breaking the silence.

  
Her words upset him deeply. He turned so he was in front of her, dropped her shoes and grabbed her by her upper arms, demanding she look in his eyes.

  
"No, no you did not. You deserved to heal and recover where people loved you, you never should have been sent away. I'm so sorry for the part I played in that, I've always regretted that, you have to believe me."

  
Her lip trembled, he was finally saying the apology she had waited on for so long. She almost believed him, she wanted to believe him, it would feel good to believe him. A tear fell from her eye.

  
"Thank you for that," she whispered wiping her eyes. He let her go and fell back into step beside her. A couple more minutes passed, they were nearing the end of the resort’s beach. "Let’s just be honest, maybe I got what I deserved."

  
"Why do you keep saying that? I don't understand. What do you mean?" He questioned her.

  
She looked up at the moon and then back to his face. "Maybe it was my penance Jon. I'd be foolish to think you can kill someone and not have to pay a price."


	12. A Brush With the Devil Can Clear Your Mind

Past

  
It was the first day of junior year and she stood in the hallway with Jeyne. "Does it feel weird to no longer be part of the in crowd?" Jeyne asked her surveying the hall.

  
They had discussed this previously leading up to the start of school. Sansa told her she didn't really care about social status anymore. Honestly, what did it really mean beyond eating at the popular table at lunch or walking the hall with Joffrey prior to school? Jenye had been skeptical, Sansa had seemed to enjoy being queen of the sophomore class last year and all she had talked about last spring was being a homecoming princess come the fall. Sansa had never told Jenye that the terrible events at the lake and the following weeks with Jon had changed her perspective. They had forced her to admit to herself that Joffrey was petty and cruel and she now knew it was not something she wanted to associate with anymore.

  
"No, and I never really felt totally comfortable with Joffrey's crew anyways, and it feels nice to be with my true friend," she said, earning a bright smile from Jeyne.

  
"Do you think he'll really just leave you alone? He was furious at the lake." Jeyne still felt skeptical of Sansa's brave face; as her best friend she had been spared most of Joffrey's cruel acts but she had seen the way he treated the people he deemed beneath him. She refrained from reminding her friend of that though, Sansa had seemed very distracted and sad in the last couple of weeks. Jeyne attributed it to nerves about starting school again.

  
"Like I told you before, I've heard nothing from him since the lake and that was weeks ago. I'm still hoping he's moved on to other concerns."

  
"Well I guess we'll know soon enough," Jeyne said as she nudged her. She looked down the hall and saw Joffrey, Meryn and a couple other boys strolling down the hallway, sizing everyone up. Sansa turned towards her locker trying to hide. She felt his eyes on her though and glanced up. He prodded Meryn and whispered something to him causing the other boy to snicker and look her up and down. They stared for another long moment and then finally continued on their way.

  
She let out a long breath. "Well that wasn't so terrible," Jeyne said, her uncomfortable smile giving away her real feelings.

  
"I don't think he's going to let me off that easy," Sansa shuttered.

  
The rest of the week passed with little incident but Sansa hardly relaxed, she knew Joffrey well enough to know that he likely was trying to lull her into a false sense of security.

  
The following week she sat in the lunch room with Jeyne when one of Joffrey's minions approached them. Jeyne glanced up but was unable to say anything before he swung into the chair next to Sansa. He set a cucumber on her tray and leered at her.

  
"What's that for?" Jeyne asked as Sansa just stared at it.

  
"Practice," the boy sneered, "Joffrey said you need practice putting large objects in your mouth." He laughed at them, grabbed the apple from Sansa's tray, took a bite, winked at her and strolled off.

  
Jeyne stared at his back in disbelief, Sansa just stared down at her tray and said nothing.

  
xxxx

  
Sansa lay on her bed staring out the window when she heard a knock on the door, she turned her head and saw Arya standing in the doorframe.

  
"Can I come in?" She asked.

  
Sansa nodded and sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. Arya sat on the edge of the bed looking nervous.

  
"What is it?" Sansa asked eyeing her.

  
"I heard something about you in school today," she said softly.

  
Sansa felt a wave of heat flash over her. "Oh?" She said trying to act nonplussed.

  
"Joffrey is telling everyone he broke up with you because you suck in bed and you are terrible at blow jobs," Arya blurted out. Sansa hopped from the bed and quickly shut the door. Her face was bright red when she turned to face her sister. Arya continued, "I told them it's not true and I would punch the next person to tell such lies."

  
Sansa felt her heart swell with love from the fact her little sister would have her back like that. But in the next beat it broke as she registered the anger and confusion on Arya's face.

  
"Why is he telling everyone that?"

  
"He's angry I broke it off with him. He can't let people think he got dumped so he's got to make it my fault."

  
"Boys are terrible, I never want to be with one."

  
"You won't feel like that when you meet the right one," she said, Jon flashing in her mind. She shook her head to clear it.

  
"Do you think we should tell mom and dad? Dad could talk to Robert, make that little shit stop."

  
"No!" Sansa cried.

  
"But why not, it's not fair what he is doing to you."

  
"If we try to get him in trouble it'll just get worse, best to ignore it, let it pass. I'm sure once the first big party of the year hits someone will do some stupid enough to take the attention off me." Sansa assured her sister.

  
Arya looked at her for a long moment, there was a question in her eyes.

  
"It's not true Arya, I never did anything with him other than kiss."

  
"I didn't ask."

  
"I know, but I still want you to know that."

  
"Ok, I won't say anything for now but if it keeps up I'm telling, after I beat his ass of course."

  
It made Sansa smile slightly. "Of course. But please just promise me you'll wait, and talk to me before you do either of those things."

  
"Ok," Arya agreed eyeing her sister warily.

  
Sansa hugged her and Arya left the room. Sansa closed the door behind her and laid back down on her bed and cried.

  
xxxx

  
The rumor wasn't dying down the way she hoped. No one said anything to her face but she could see the judgment in her classmates' eyes. She wasn't sure which was worse, the girls that whispered about her being a whore or the boys who stared at her or made lewd suggestions. On more than one occasion she had been groped in the crowded hallways between bells. She started to wonder if her parents would let her switch schools.

  
She and Jeyne had volunteered to clean out some of the gym storage closets for extra credit. Sansa hated gym, getting sweaty in the middle of the day was not high on her priority list, so she had jumped at the opportunity to pad her grade a little.

  
It was after school and they were deep in one of the closets. The closet smelled of old sweat and mildew and contained in her estimation 20 years of old discarded uniforms.

  
"I'm going to go get us some water," Jeyne announced bouncing up and heading for the door.

  
Sansa sighed and turned back to the box she was sorting. She was starting to question if this was really worth the grade. She found an old jock strap in the box and groaned in disgust; using a hanger she picked it up as she heard the door open. She turned to show her find to Jeyne but instead was greeted by the sight of Meryn and Joffrey.

  
She dropped the hanger and backed towards the wall as they pulled the door closed behind them.

  
"I told you I was not done with you yet. No one just walks away from me," Joffrey sneered, his eyes were hard and piercing.

  
Sansa said nothing, but she felt herself trembling. They were both moving towards her and she knew the only way out was behind them.

  
"Jeyne will be back soon," she said trying to sound unafraid but the shaking in her voice gave her away.

  
"So we'll deal with her then," Meryn said dismissively.

  
"Leave or I'll scream, you'll get caught,” she warned.

  
"It's after hours, who's gonna hear you?" Joffrey laughed.

  
Her back was now against the wall, there was nowhere else to go. Meryn was upon her now, hands on either side of her head, his body nearly pressed against her, his breath hot on her face. He slid a finger under the strap of her tank top, Sansa cringed. He released it and let it snap against her.

  
"I suppose you get to go first?" He said to Joffrey, disappointment clear in his voice.

  
"Well of course you moron," he snapped back.

  
Meryn took his eyes from her in that moment and Sansa saw her chance. She smashed her knee into his crotch, dropping him like a sack of rocks. He howled and called her a bitch.

She darted past him and tried to get around Joffrey who grabbed her by the hair and snapped her head back. She screamed and swiped at him, catching his face, he howled and shoved her, sending her to the floor with a bin of hangers that overturned and clattered down around her.

  
She stumbled to her feet, turning to get to the door, Meryn was attempting to get up, Joffrey was holding the side of his face, swearing at her furiously.

  
The door flew opened and a dark haired boy charged into the room. Sansa had never seen him before. He looked at her, took in her wild eyes, tears spilling down her cheeks, her hair disheveled, Joffrey's bloodied face.

  
"What's going on here?" He demanded.

  
"Fuck off," Joffrey roared.

  
"That seems very unlikely," the boy responded and he turned his attention to Sansa, "Come here." He said reaching a hand towards her.

  
"We said fuck off," Meryn said, finally on his feet.

  
"Sansa!" Jeyne cried from the door, the bottle of water dropping from her hand and rolling away. The dark haired boy turned, distracted for the moment and a Meryn lunged toward him swinging. He caught his jaw and the other boy's head snapped back, blood seeping from the corner of his mouth. He seemed almost to smile at that, licking the blood from his lips. Sansa ran to Jeyne, clinging to her and sobbing. She heard grunting and flesh hitting bone, someone hitting the ground and Joffrey shrieking he surrendered.

  
"If I ever see either of you harassing that girl, or any girl, again I'll make you pay worse than this," he warned before kicking Meryn one more time in the stomach.

  
He turned and walked towards the girls. "Come with me," he said directing them out into the hallway.

  
Sansa had stopped crying but she couldn't stop shaking, she was still clinging to Jeyne. "Thank you," she managed to whisper.

  
"Come on, let's go find Mr Baelish," he told the girls herding them along.

  
"I don't think we know you. Who are you?" Jeyne asked as they made their way down the hall.

  
"You won't, I'm a senior but I'm new here," he introduced himself, "Ramsay Bolton."


	13. You're telling me you really don't notice?

Present

Sansa and Jeyne left the locker room and headed out in the main spa area. They spotted Margaery holding court with several other girls. She spotted them and ran across the length of the room to meet them. She hugged Jeyne exclaiming, "I'm so glad you could make it!"

"Thank you for including us," Jeyne said with a smile.

Margaery hugged Sansa and looped her arm through hers.

"Jeyne, can you give me a moment with my dear soon to be sister?" Margaery asked sweetly.

"Of course," Jeyne said and headed off towards the other girls.

Margaery led her into a small alcove with fruit and sweets and water. She popped a grape in her mouth and smiled at her wickedly. Sansa met her eyes and raised an eyebrow in question.

"So…." She began in a sing song voice, "I couldn't help but notice you and Jon left the party together last night."

Sansa's expression changed to a weary one. "I won't really call it together exactly."

"Oh?"

"I went to take Rickon back to his room, he decided to walk Rickon and I back. You know Jon, he was just being nice. Sorry to disappoint you but there was nothing scandalous about it.”

"And why ever not? Don't get me wrong, I love your brother, but anyone with eyes knows Jon is gorgeous. He's broody sure but that hair, the eyes, those lips…. Well one can overlook broodiness for all that."

Sansa laughed at that. "That may be true, but he's just Jon to me," she said evenly. She wanted to keep it light, she didn't want to explain their past history to Margaery, especially since as far as she knew Robb still knew nothing of it.

"And do you think you are ‘just Sansa’ to him?"

"What does that mean?"

"It's just that in the whole time I've been with Robb, and known Jon, there's never been another girl. He's never brought one around, he never even mentions them. And every time we see Jon you are basically the 1st thing he asks about. And you're the only one he always asks about. And I see the way he looks at you, you're telling me you really don't notice the way he looks at you? I watched him last night watching you... He's Robb's best friend and you're his sister, I just want to see you both happy. So when I saw you had both disappeared last night…" she trailed off.

Sansa blinked at her, attempting to process her words. Jon asks about her? There’s been no other girls? She didn’t want to admit it but hearing that pleased her but did it matter? Did it really change anything? Margaery looked at her expectantly. Sansa busied herself pouring a glass of spa water as she finished processing her words.

"You are too sweet, but maybe a bit wedding crazy? I'm sure it's nothing, or Jon just being caring thoughtful Jon. He's always felt a responsibility towards me, I’m his best friend’s sister, that's all you're seeing," she began regaining her composure.

"He does not look at you like you’re a kid sister, far from it. I'm telling you, if you wanted, Jon Snow could be putty in your hands. The way he looks at you does not speak of responsibility to me, not even close. In fact if I had to guess it speaks of several dirty thoughts maybe…."

Sansa laughed hoping she came across as merely amused and hoping it would cover the tremor she felt in her hands.

"Ok, you know what, this is your wedding week and I should not be hogging the bride. I think it's time we distracted you with some pampering," Sansa said guiding Margaery back towards the group.

XXXXXXX

Despite the initial semi interrogation about Jon, Sansa found the spa day relaxing. She found Margaery's friends pleasant for the most part, though they were a few awkward moments when someone would make a comment about Jon and his 'fine ass' and Margaery would toss her a knowing glance, smirking with satisfaction. They had parted with Margaery encouraging her once again to seize her chance.

She was relieved that tonight there were no official planned wedding activities. She hoped to grab dinner with Arya and Jeyne and then walk the beach or take in one of the resorts shows. However, the lateness of last night seemed to be catching up with her, by the way she was yawning she wasn't sure if she would actually do any of it.

Just then there was a knock at the door. She made her way over and opened it and was greeted by a bellhop with a large bouquet of flowers. He handed her the flowers, smiled and departed.

Sansa set the flowers on the table and grabbed the card. "The only thing you have ever deserved is to be happy,” the card stated. It wasn't signed but she knew they were from Jon, he had told her something similar last night. The main flowers in the bouquet were pale blue winter roses, her favorite, and he must've paid a hefty price to get that many on a tropical island. She couldn't help but smile at them. He was making it very hard to stay angry with him, and she was tired of being angry, maybe it was time to try something different.

She admired them a few moments longer and then headed out the door. After she made her way down the stairs and across the courtyard that separated the buildings, she stood in front of Jon's door and knocked. He opened the door and seemed surprised to see her.

"I just wanted to come say thank you in person, the flowers are beautiful Jon, thank you so much," she said him with a smile.

"I'm glad you liked them," he responded with a shy smile. "Do you want to come in for a moment?"

She nodded and entered. She noticed Jon was dressed up, his hair tied back in a knot, he looked good, really good. She realized he noticed her looking at him and his smile widened.

"Am I keeping you from something?" she asked blushing softly, embarrassed he had caught her admiring him.

"Not at all. Well, I'm getting drinks with Robb and Theon tonight, but I'm waiting on them to get ready, so I have time."

"Pretty dressed up for drinks on the beach."

"Theon has insisted we go to a dance club as well."

"You don't like to dance. Wait, do you dance now?"

Jon laughed. "Still don't like to dance, I haven't changed that much."

There was suddenly an awkward silence, their words reminding them of all the time that had passed since they had really known each other.

"How's your toast coming?" She asked to end the silence.

"It's coming….. It'll be ready by the wedding."

"Well I would hope so," she laughed, the awkwardness of a moment ago seemed to be forgotten.

Jon loved the sound of her laughter, it'd been a long time since he had heard a genuine one from her. He noticed she seemed much more at ease tonight, in fact it was the most relaxed he'd seen her since they'd been here. He hoped at least in part it was due to him. They had sat on the beach for a little a while after their walk last night, after she had told him she thought she had to be punished for the accident. He had sworn to her that she did not, and she needed to stop thinking she did. After he had walked her back to her room and they had shared a slightly awkward hug before wishing each other goodnight. Now she caught his eye and smiled, Jon flushed realizing she had now caught him staring.

"Will you be at dinner tomorrow night?" He asked, "Robb's calling it the 'No Old People Allowed Dinner,' Margaery doesn't appreciate his attempted humor, that girl loves her grandmother fiercely."

"Well Robb's humor can be an acquired taste I suppose, but I'm looking forward to it, dinner and drinks on the beach without my mother staring me down the whole time sounds perfect. Jeyne and I actually spent the day at the spa with Marg and her friends today, they were all quite lovely."

Jon nodded, he didn't want to contradict her or mention a couple of those friends were quite flirty with him, actual borderline aggressive if he was being honest.

His phone chirped then and he pulled it from his pocket. "Appears they're finally ready. I'll walk you out."

They walked out of his room and into the hallway. "Well thanks again, I truly love the flowers," she said again.

She unexpectedly stepped forward and hugged him. He froze for a moment and then closed his arms around her, pulling her a little tighter to him, burying his face into her hair. Sansa almost swore he might be smelling her hair, the thought pleased her. It felt amazing to be in his arms again like this, their bodies just fit so perfectly. She sighed and pulled back, they were face to face, it would be easy to lean in and kiss him. Time seemed to slow just a bit as they looked at each other, the air filling with electricity. His eyes seemed focused on her lips, she licked the bottom one before she could stop herself. His gazed moved back up to her eyes. She felt her breath stutter slightly.

"Jon! Tequila awaits!" They heard Theon call from around the bend in the hall. They quickly stepped back from each other with tight smiles, the moment lost.

"Well, have fun, enjoy dancing…. Oh, and don't let Theon kill Robb with shots please," she said with a laugh and turned and walked back across the courtyard.


	14. Justice Denied

Past

As Sansa feared Joffrey had essentially escaped punishment for what he had done to her.

Ramsay had taken her and Jeyne directly to the gym teacher, Mr. Baelish, to report what happened. Jeyne and Ramsay had relayed their stories, Sansa mostly sat in quiet shock, crying on and off. Baelish had left them in his office, telling them he was going to go see about Joffrey and Meryn; he returned alone about 15 minutes later.

"I'll report this to the principal, but since it's after school hours you all might as well go home. The school will contact you tomorrow to investigate further," he told them.

"Aren't you going to call the cops? What they were doing is criminal!" Jeyne cried.

"I'm going to leave that up to the school. I suggest you do too," he warned.

Sansa had stopped crying and knew what that meant. No one wanted to cross Robert, or they wanted to at least give him time to buy Joffrey's way out of this. She realized Mr. Baelish had left the room not to track down the boys but to call whoever he needed to so a cover up could start.

Jeyne began to protest but Sansa took her hand and shook her head. Jeyne closed her mouth and glared at the teacher. "I just want to go home," she whispered to her friend.

Ramsay had remained quiet and followed the girls into the hallway.

"Thank you again," Sansa told him quietly, a couple of tears escaping her eyes.

"I'm just glad I was there in time, I wish I could do more. Is there some reason you didn't insist he call the cops?" Sansa wasn’t sure if she was just being hypersensitive but she thought she sensed some annoyance in his question.

Sansa sighed and tried to control her breathing, she didn’t want to cry again.

"You're new here so you don't know, but the blonde kid is her ex, and he's the son of Robert Baratheon, and that guy basically runs the town. He's also in business with Sansa dad," Jeyne answered for him.

Ramsay's eyes hardened on Sansa, "So you want to protect him?" This time there was no question, she flinched at the disgust in his voice.

"Protect him? Not at all," she whimpered, "but he's basically untouchable, you'll see soon enough."

Jeyne drove her home, her parents were inside waiting for her, she could tell by the look on their faces they already knew.

Her father hugged her and smoothed her hair, her mother had a hard look set on her face. Her father kept his arm around her as they walked silently into her father's study.

"Cersei called, she said there was some unpleasantness at the school involving you and Joffrey. She said Joffrey came home with a black eye and scratches," Cat announced as soon as the door closed.

"He attacked me," Sansa cried, the tears beginning to fall again. How could her mother be so cold, how could she not even be waiting to hear her side?

"Cersi said you scratched him and then had another boy beat him and his friend. He told his mother they were just teasing you, that you misunderstood or were being to sensitive and you didn't even try to explain it to the boy that intervened, you just let him beat the boys."

"That's a lie!"

"She said Joffrey has been very hurt from your break up, he hasn't taken it well and he was just acting out."

"He's been tormenting me! He attacked me! If Ramsay had not come along…."

"Sansa, what are you saying? This is a very serious accusation; the ramifications would be big and long lasting" her father said gently.

"Sansa, the bad press this could bring to your father's firm could be dire. So if you are going to accuse his partner's son of a serious crime you need to be certain and it better be the truth," Cat warned.

"You know he is horrid! I know Robb told you about how he acted at the lake, what he called me and Arya! Why are you taking his side? You aren't even listening!" Sansa cried.

"We aren't taking his side, But name calling is a far cry from what you are accusing him of. Joffrey's spoiled but children fight and you did dump him, I'm sure there are some hard feelings. We just don't want this to escalate into more than it is and create a needless scandal. If this becomes news you know everyone in town will be talking about it, the bad press will linger," her mother informed her.

Her father looked at her carefully and hugged her again, "Cersi wants to have charges pressed against you and this other boy for assault, but Robert tells me that if you and Joffrey promise to leave each other alone then he will let the whole thing go, it’ll be like it never happened,” he informed her. He could see the pain on his daughter’s face and it gave him pause. He took her hand and looked at her, his face very serious. “Sansa, you are my daughter, and if you tell me that it was that serious, I'll call the police myself right now," he told her.

Sansa glanced at her mother and took in the hard set of Cat's mouth and looked back to her father. She wanted to tell him it was that serious, but she also realized there was no good way out of this. Her mother was right, there would be lawyers and press and no guarantee justice would be served.

"Ok, maybe I just misunderstood," she finally agreed.

xxxx

The school didn't even interview them. Meryn and Ramsay were each suspended 5 days for fighting. Joffrey didn't even get one day, and Robert bought the school new basketball uniforms. The only positive was Joffrey and his minions now kept their distance from her.

She spent Friday night at Jeyne's. Sansa had snuck over a couple bottles of wine, they drank and cried together, and Sansa told her everything that had happened with Joffrey, why it had ended. She told her the things she'd only shared with Jon, how Joffrey had treated her poorly, what he'd done at the lake. There was no point in hiding it from Jeyne now that she seen him at his worse anyways. Jeyne had been livid, and hurt Sansa hadn't confided in her till now. She apologized, explaining that at first she couldn't admit it to anyone because then she couldn't ignore it and then later she'd been ashamed she had allowed it to go on. Jeyne told her there was nothing to forgive but to never keep anything like this from her again.

At some point Jeyne left the room and Sansa picked up her phone and placed a call to Jon. It was the first time she had attempted to contact him since he had left. He didn't answer, his voicemail picked up. "Hi Jon, it’s Sansa, just in case you forgot my voice. Anyways, I hope school is going well, I can't wait to get away to college, high school is the worst. I guess I was hoping to hear your voice. My mom's been terrible this week, like the worst. I'm at Jeyne's, we're drinking wine because we are classy like that…... Do you ever miss me? I mis…." She hung up mid-sentence when Jeyne came back in the room.

"Who were you talking to? It's like one thirty in the morning," Jeyne laughed.

"Myself," Sansa lied. Jeyne just laughed harder.

They talked a little more about Joffrey. "Really my only regret is getting that new guy suspended, I can only imagine how his parents took that. I bet he's sorry he even got involved," Sansa sighed, "I bet he hates me like everyone else."

"No one hates you, and if they do fuck them. Nothing even happened to Joffrey and no one is upset about that asshole, Meryn, being out for a week, trust me. And that Ramsay guy seemed nice, I doubt he regrets doing the right thing."

"I hope you're right."

XXXXX

The following week they were at lunch sitting in the lunch room.

"Is Robb coming back next weekend?" Jeyne asked.

"No, why would he be?" Sansa said confused.

"Hello? Homecoming! I ran into Theon the other night, he said Jon was coming back into town for the game, but then I realized he didn't mention Robb, so I was just wondering."

Sansa frowned, her and Jon hadn't parted on the best of terms, but he had texted her last Saturday to ask if everything was ok with her. She had vaguely remembered calling him the night before. She didn't want to get into everything via text so she had answered him that everything was ok and they had left it at that, but why would he not mention he was coming back to town? Did he not want to see her if he was in town?

"I totally forgot about homecoming. And where did you 'run' into Theon exactly?"

"Oh, just around…"

Ramsay appeared at the table just then startling Sansa. It was the first she had seen him since the incident.

"Hello," he said.

"Ramsay! I'm so sorry about the suspension," Sansa cried. "I really hope you didn't get in too much trouble with your parents, I feel terrible. I mean you just started here and…"

He held up his hand and shook his head, "Well it's just my dad and I'm always in trouble with him anyways." A shadow passed over his features as he spoke, but then he laughed, his expression clearing. "I kid. Don't be sorry, I would do it again if given the choice. Can I sit?"

The girls nodded and he sat down next to Sansa.

"So, I wanted to know if you had a date to homecoming next week?" he asked looking at Sansa.

"Umm, no I don't," Sansa admitted. With everything going on she had forgotten about the dance and if she was being honest she wasn't sure was up to going. She also realized that no one likely would ask her for fear of provoking Joffrey.

Jenye seemed to sense her discomfort. "Sansa and I were talking about just going together, or maybe not at all, maybe just have a girls' night in instead," Jeyne stated.

"Well maybe we could all go as friends? I imagine you're not looking to date at the moment, you know considering everything, but no reason to miss all the fun. Plus do you really want to let that little asshole keep you away?" Ramsay said.

"We'll think about it," Jeyne answered for them.

"Well that's all I can ask. Here's my number. Just let me know when you decide, though try not to keep me waiting too long," he said with a wink before standing and walking away.

"So, what do you think? I'm sorry I stepped in, but I didn't like him putting you on the spot," Jeyne said when she sure he was out of earshot. "If you want to go with him I will back off."

"I never knew you were so protective," Sansa laughed.

"Well I never knew you needed protecting till recently," Jeyne replied.

Sansa thought about that. Jeyne was right, prior to Joffrey she would have called herself strong and confident. Now she wanted to get that feeling back, she wanted everyone to go back to thinking of her as the self-confident she-wolf she once was, and apparently, based on the recent information from Jeyne, she needed to start moving pass Jon.

"Then I say we find you a date, and we all go together," she said. "I'm not saying I want to date Ramsay, it would be as friends, but I think it would be fun to go," she quickly added when she saw the surprise on her face.

"Ok, I like it," Jeyne said with a smile, "so I guess we need to go shopping after school!"

xxxx

Jeyne ended up asking a boy in her Spanish class to go to the dance with her. Pyp was slightly shy and awkward, but he was Jeyne's partner for most conversation labs in class, so she had been comfortable with asking him. She told Sansa she found his shyness endearing, plus it wasn't a real date anyways since they were just going as friends.

They had all agreed to go to the game together and that night they stood in the parking lot sipping off a flask that Ramsey had brought along. Sansa was happy to be moving forward and did her best to ignore the twinge of disappointment she felt for not having met her goal of homecoming princess. But she also realized with all that had happened that wasn't really important anymore, but still the thought crossed her mind.

They started to make their way to the gates. Jeyne nudged Sansa as they walked along a couple steps behind the boys and flicked her chin to the left. Sansa followed with her eyes and saw Theon and Jon through the crowd walking in the same direction. Sansa was still hurt that Jon had not reached out to let her know he was going to be here. He had to know she would be here, so why the silence? Sansa shook her head at Jeyne and motioned towards Pyp and Ramsay. "Fine," she pouted.

They made their way inside and stood off to the side. The boys said they wanted to get concessions before going to find seats. Jeyne and Sansa agreed to wait against the fence for them. The boys headed off promising to bring them back hot chocolate.

They had been gone for a couple of minutes when Sansa heard Theon calling their names. Sansa closed her eyes and sighed, turning slightly to see Theon flash a big smile, Jon stood by looking uncomfortable and brooding. ‘Let him brood, this is his fault anyways,’ Sansa thought.

"Imagine running into you!" Theon cried, hugging Sansa, then Jeyne.

"Umm we actually still go to school here Theon," Sansa said slightly bitterly, making a point to not look at Jon.

"True, true. Sucks Robb's not here, otherwise it'd be like old times," Theon said.

"We don't need to be living in the past Theon,” Sansa said, it came out a bit harsher than she meant it to and this time she was looking at Jon as she spoke. ‘God why does he have to look so good?’ she though to herself.

Theon gave her an odd look, "No need to be a buzz kill Stark."

"Sansa is just worried about her hair for tomorrow, we couldn't get into the salon we wanted," Jeyne offered giving Sansa a sideways glance.

Sansa opened her mouth to say something just as Pyp and Ramsay strolled up. Pyp handed Jeyne a cup and smiled at her. Jeyne smiled politely, glancing nervously at Theon.

Ramsey stood next to Sansa, slightly closer than she would have expected and handed her a cup as well. "Ramsay Bolton," he said to both Theon and Jon. Theon had to look away for Jeyne and Pyp for a moment to greet him. "Theon," he introduced himself.

Jon eyed Ramsay intently, observing the lack of space between him and Sansa and his eyes narrowed. "Jon Snow," he finally said after a moment.

"They are my brother's best friends, they graduated last year," Sansa stated. She empathized "brother's friends" and stared at Jon, challenging him to disagree. Ramsay seemed to take note of the looks her and Jon were exchanging.

"How nice you could make it back for the game. Reliving your glory days?" Ramsay asked, he was staring at Jon, his jaw seemed to tighten a tick. “I suppose it’s hard to suddenly be a small fish in a big pond and unimportant.”

"Something like that," Jon answered, a clear edge in his voice. Even Theon spared him a glance.

"We need to find some seats, I don't want to miss kick off," Sansa said, interrupting their awkward staring contest.

"Of course," Ramsay said suddenly breaking in to a smile that did not reach his eyes.

"It was nice to see you both, I'm sure Robb wishes he was here. Guess we'll see you around," she said waving and headed off with Ramsay before Jon could answer. Sansa could feel Jon's gaze burning into her back as she walked away but she refused to spare him a backwards glance.

xxxx

The dance had actually been fun. Sansa found she enjoyed the pressure-free group dynamic immensely. She and Jeyne had pre-gamed as they had gotten ready in her room, though they were carefully not to drink too much for fear Cat would notice. The boys had picked them up and suffered through the obligatory picture session.

They were planning to spend the night at Jeyne's after, but Ramsay convinced them they should stop by one of the after parties at the river. Sansa agreed since she knew Joffrey was hosting a party out at the lake that weekend so there was no chance to running into him or any of his minions.

They all sat by the bonfire sipping beers, Pyp was telling a story but Sansa was not listening, she was lost in memories of past falls, of similar bonfires with her siblings and Jon and Theon. She excused herself quietly and made her way towards the edge of the river and out of the light of the fire.

When she was far enough away she pulled out her phone and dialed Jon, it went to voicemail after a couple rings. "Well I thought you'd be thrilled to know I'm out attending dances and making memories," she began, paraphrasing his words from their last night together. "I hope you had a nice trip home, weird you were here even though you basically told me you won't be available for these things. Sorry I wasn't able to talk longer yesterday, but then I didn't know you'd be here, right? Anyways I'm fine…. clearly you are too….” Her voice hitched then, “Do you even care anymore?" She hung up then and wiped away a tear. She swore at herself silently for even calling him, for missing him.

She was too lost in her own thoughts to notice Ramsay standing at the edge of the darkness studying her.


	15. Timing is Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is another chapter set in the past. I know, I'm breaking the format, but there is just a lot more past story to tell, so here we are......

Past

Thanksgiving week was upon them. Sansa was excited for Robb to finally be back home, even if it was just the weekend. Admittedly though her excitement was a bit tempered with the knowledge that Jon would also be in town. The Snows typically had Thanksgiving dinner with the Starks since it was only the two of them, so there was no avoiding him. She just hoped she won't feel too awkward. He had last texted her after her homecoming message to him. He told her he did care, but maybe 2am wasn't the best time to ask the question, she had sensed his annoyance. She had left him one additional message since then, on another weekend when she partied and had drank enough to override her better judgment. It had been angry and sloppy, she wasn't even sure now what she had said but she did know she had cried at the end. Jon had never even responded to it. She had hoped maybe she'd just imagined the call, though her call log told her otherwise.

She had spent some additional time with Ramsay as well, still just as a friend, and mostly just when they ran into each other at parties or other school events. Jeyne and Pyp had decided they wanted to give dating a try. As a result Sansa had started to feel a bit like a third wheel so it had become a relief to see Ramsay around.

Pyp's older brother Gren, who graduated with Robb, was also going to be home for the long weekend and was planning a party. He told Pyp it would be an informal class reunion but Pyp was welcomed to invite his friends or other people from the school. The buzz had already made it around the school, so a big turnout was expected, she knew Robb and Theon planned to attend so it was safe to assume Jon would as well.

The Snows had arrived for dinner around noon, Jon disappeared quickly into the den where all the males were gathered watching football. Sansa wasn't sure if she felt relief or disappointment. She kept herself busy in the kitchen helping Cat and Lyanna make dinner. Holidays were one of the rare times her mother actually cooked dinner for the family.

Dinner was pleasant enough, Robb carried most of the conversation with stories of college. She did catch Jon out of the corner of her eye watching her a couple of times, but as soon as she would turn towards him he would glance away.

After dinner she helped her mother and Arya clean up as the boys disappeared once again. Once they were finished she grabbed the trash to take it out back. She rounded the side of the house and came face to face with Jon. He looked surprised and dropped the cigarette he was holding. Then he looked embarrassed.

"Really?!" Sansa asked him, her disgust apparent.

"I know, I swear I'm quitting," he sighed.

"I guess college changes people," she said walking past him and dropping the bag in the trash can.

"It does, but it's not just college, time changes people." There was something in Jon's voice that caused her to pause, she wasn't sure what it was. Regret? Sadness? Longing?

"Is everything ok?"

"Nothing's exactly wrong. School's as expected, my roommate is actually a great guy, quite witty, money's a bit tighter than I'd hoped…" he trailed off.

"You aren't exactly answering my question."

"I guess I thought this would get easier with time, that I won't keep wondering if I made the right decision."

Sansa's heart began to pound. Could he be talking about her, his decision to end things between them? She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain, to say the words she sometimes heard him say in her dreams.

"Sansa, when you call me…" he began before they were startled.

"Snow!" they both heard Robb call just then.

"I want to be on your team Robb," she heard Bran pleading. She knew they were looking for Jon to play football.

They looked at each other for a moment. "Forget I brought it up and I promise, no more cigarettes," he gave her a small smile and went back into the yard calling out to Robb.

Sansa felt like she could barely breath and leaned against the side of the house. She felt angry with herself, angry that he could have such an effect on her with just a few words. He hadn't wanted her enough to try, why did she continue to allow herself to be so hung up on him? She took a deep breath, she needed to know what he felt, if there was really no way forward for them. She told herself she would lay it on the line at the party and if he didn't want her she would force herself to let him go.

XXXXX

The next night she had gone to Jeyne's to get ready for the party. She wanted to look as hot as possible and that meant she needed to get ready away from Cat's sight.

"Damn girl, I take it you're on the prowl tonight," Jeyne said, "Everyone better watch out!"

Sansa smiled at her wickedly, "Can't a girl just look good to feel good?"

"Then you must feel amazing, you look like a goddess. And now I know why you insisted we get ready here."

Sansa winked at her and looked in the mirror one last time. The black mini dress she had on had a low dipped cutout in the front and the back; aided by a new push up bra she was also showing far more cleavage than her mother would allow. She has kept her makeup simple since she didn't want to look she was trying too hard, and her hair a mass of soft red waves pulled to the left. She felt irresistible, she hoped it might spark the same feeling in Jon.

The party was just starting to pick up steam as they arrived, people seemed to be buzzed but no one was drunk or out of control, not yet anyways. Pyp looked relieved to see them, he didn't seem as comfortable with his brother's friends as she did with hers. He hugged both her and Jeyne as he greeted them.

"We are going to go get drinks, I'll bring you one back," Jeyne told her.

Sansa nodded and told her she was going to find Robb. She spotted him in the main room where he was playing beer pong with Theon and made her way over. Theon froze when he saw her and nearly dropped his beer. Robb turned, when he saw her his eyes widened.

"Hey Sansa," Theon leered. Robb shot him an angry look. "What? I'm just a mortal man," Theon laughed.

"Well I see why you didn't leave our house like that," Robb huffed.

"Don't be a bore Robb," she warned rolling her eyes.

She turned and realized Jon was at the other end of the table and he was staring at her, his mouth slightly opened. She met his eyes and smirked ever so slightly. He smiled back and then shook his head when he noticed Robb glaring at him.

"Who's winning?" Jeyne asked as she entered the room and handing Sansa a beer.

"Any guy looking at Sansa who's not related to her," Theon laughed.

The girls giggled and Robb looked at them all darkly. "Just make sure to stay out of trouble," he warned her before turning back to their game.

"Let's go dance," Jeyne suggested.

"Let's have a couple shots, then we'll dance," Sansa suggested tossing Jon a glance as they left the room and headed towards the kitchen.

They drank a bit and danced. Pyp was super shy about dancing but he found after a couple of beers he could no longer refuse the girls. Jeyne had asked her if Ramsay was coming but Sansa said she wasn't sure. He had told Sansa that his father was rather controlling, so sometimes it was hard to get away.

Sansa excused herself to go to the bathroom and get another drink, but she found a long line outside the downstairs bathroom. She had been over to Pyp's several times before, so she was sure he would not mind if she used the one upstairs, even though everyone had been warned to stay away from there. She hopped the rope Gren had tied off the stairwell with and headed up the stairs. She was too buzzed to realize Jon had been watching her from across the room. When she came out of the bathroom she gave out a small yelp, startled to see him standing in the hallway.

"What the hell Jon? What are you doing?!" she demanded.

"What am I doing? What about you? What are you trying to do to me?" he shot back, his eyes were darker than normal, he was staring at her intently. She could smell the beer on his breath and a hint of smoke.

Sansa sniffed loudly, "I thought you were quitting those things?"

"I smoke when I'm stressed, bad study habit." He looked her up and down then. She pushed her hair back over her shoulder and looked at him defiantly, daring him to keep looking at her. He didn’t disappoint, he matched the look right back at her, it made her shiver.

"And what exactly are you studying that is making you so stressed out Jon?" she took a step closer to him, her buzz making her feel brave. She had to push him, she had to know if he still felt anything for her.

He groaned softly, he seemed to be wrestling with himself.

"Don’t do this, don't make me say it."

"Say what Jon?" she goaded him, pressing herself closer still. She could feel the heat rolling off his body, she wanted to challenge him. If he truly didn't want her he could say it now, walk away, end it, but he was hesitating, and it thrilled her. She suddenly wondered if maybe the reason he never answered her calls was because he wanted her, maybe it wasn't that he didn't care, maybe he cared too much.

"You're being so unfair," he groaned, and she could see his resolve melting.

"How so?" she purred. 

"Maybe wicked is a better word."

Their eyes locked. "So, punish me then," she whispered. She immediately flushed, she couldn’t believe how bold she had become but she pressed forward none the less.

He reached for her then, one hand clutching her lower back, pulling her against him, the other on her neck, his fingers winding into her hair, pulling it gently so her face tipped up to his. His breath was warm on her face as he pulled her closer still, she could smell the beer and smoke strongly now and she found she didn’t hate it. His eyes looked like the sky during a summer storm, his pupils dilated, his stare intense. Sansa felt a wave of electricity pulse through her as he groaned her name. His lips were almost on hers, she closed her eyes.

"Hey no one on the 2nd floor!" she heard Gren yell from behind Jon. They pulled apart quickly, Sansa stumbled a bit. Jon turned towards him looking guilty. Gren laughed then, "Sorry to be a cock block man, but my mom will kill me if I let people mess up this floor or bang up here."

Jon narrowed his eyes at him and stalked off down the stairs. Gren eyed Sansa up and down and then called after Jon, "Like I said man, I'm really sorry."

Sansa sighed and headed downstairs. She grabbed a beer on the way through the kitchen and headed into the backyard. She needed to clear her head. The previous day she had been so determined to move pass Jon, but now this had happened, it seemed rather clear he still wanted her, but then he had still seemed to be resisting until she had made it impossible for him to not. She blew out a long breath and sighed. She couldn't believe he had just ran away from her after touching her like that. Why did he have to make things so complicated?

"Dammit Jon," she muttered out loud.

"Sansa," she heard from behind her and turned to see Ramsay.

"You made it after all!" she said sweetly, trying to mask her disappointment it wasn't Jon.

"I did, but I think I might be too late, everyone seems sufficiently wasted at this point. I was waiting on the old man to fall asleep."

"Well I'm still glad you made it," she said downing the rest of her beer, "Did you see Jeyne and Pyp?"

"Not yet, I was mainly looking for you."

He had moved closer to her while they had been speaking. She realized he was studying her dress and for the first time that night she felt slightly uncomfortable that she was so exposed. He seemed to pick up some of her uneasy.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"N-n-not really," she stuttered with a shiver. Her mind wondered for a moment, she wasn't sure if it was due to thinking about Jon or the alcohol in her system, but she suddenly realized Ramsay was kissing her, it was a rough kiss, demanding, one she wasn't really returning. It was nothing like kissing Jon but she didn't want to embarrass him by pushing him away.

At that moment Jon walked out the back door. He had pulled himself together and he had wanted to find her, they needed to talk about what was happening with them, how he regretted that he had ended it with her, how he had been attempting to avoid her, ducking her calls. But after seeing her yesterday and now again today he knew he needed her, that he had been a fool to think she wasn't in his blood. He wanted to make her any promise she wanted now. He stopped in the shadow of the door frame and stared. It was her, there was no mistaking her, and she was kissing the dark haired boy from Homecoming. It felt like a knife in his chest, he couldn't breathe, how had he been so wrong? He turned quickly and walked back in the house. His face burned, whether it was jealousy or shame he wasn't sure. How had he not seen it? How could he have been so foolish? She clearly just wanted to mess with him, a silly drunk flirt, maybe punishment for how he had ended it before school. He had never expected her to be so petty, but there it was, right in his face. He had to get out of there, he couldn't face her and that guy. He saw Robb as he headed for the front door, calling a lame excuse about Lyanna needing him early in the morning. Robb was drunk and distracted by a girl, he merely nodded and waved as Jon walked out the front door.

In the backyard Ramsay finally released her. "I want to be more than your friend," he stated.

"Ramsay, I, I," she struggled to get the words out, she didn't know how to tell him she wasn't sure she felt like that towards him, and she did not want to explain her situation with Jon.

"I'm not sure I am ready yet," she finally whispered. A hard looked flashed across his face, his jaw tightened and Sansa felt a sense of dread start to build.

"How stupid of me," he cried and a uncomfortable smile broke out on his face, "I shouldn't have just grabbed you liked that, forgive me."

He looked very apologetic and Sansa felt terrible for hurting him, for making him think he had harmed her in the exact same way he had once saved.

"It's ok, it just startled me. I never knew you felt that way," she said softly.

The dark look passed over his face again. "Well I do, so if you ever decide you're ready I hope you'll consider me. I would treat you like a queen. Until then I hope we are still friends?"

“Of course,” she smiled and nodded at him. He smiled back; the smile did not reach his eyes, but it was too dark for Sansa to notice.

"Let's go back in where it's warm, plus I need a drink," he said. She let him take her hand and they headed back inside.


	16. How could I forget?

Present

  
Sansa and Jeyne lay next to each other in the row of chaise lounges soaking in the warm sun. They chatted in between dozing off and reading magazines. Sansa was sure she had never felt more relaxed, the sound of the waves, the birds, the blue of the sky, she was sure this is what heaven must be like. Her thoughts drifted to Jon, to their near kiss in the hall last night. She couldn’t stop smiling, she couldn’t recall the last time she’d felt this happy or hopeful.

  
Several minutes later her beautiful peace was shattered when Theon flopped down next to them wearing the darkest sunglasses she had ever seen and let out a long overdramatic groan.

  
"Rough morning?" Jeyne giggled.

  
"Theon doesn't understand his limits," Jon answered walking up to them and taking a seat on the end of the chair Theon was laying on.

  
"Hey, I have no limits and I'm at least up, I doubt we even see Robb until dinner," Theon defended himself.

  
"Jon!" Sansa cried, "I told you to keep an eye on him!"

  
"I tried, but this one is crafty and relentless."

  
"Hey he's almost a married man, he was free to say no whenever he wanted to. I'm not a monster," Theon said. "Jeyne, I need some hair of the dog, come to the bar with me."

  
Sansa rolled her eyes as Theon made a show of getting up and following Jeyne up the beach to the bar stand.

  
"How bad was it? Is Robb going to be ok?" She asked Jon.

  
"He's fine, he told me he really just wanted to spend the day alone with Margaery, if he can convince her to stay in the room with him that is. That girl does not have an off switch. But it was easier to tell Theon he was dying, cause well you know how Theon is," he answered.

  
"Relentless but he respects a good hangover," she laughed.

  
"Yeah he keeps telling Robb how he has to live it up because in three days all his fun will be over forever. To Theon marriage is the death of fun, he made that very clear last night,” Jon seemed to be recalling a memory and laughed.

  
"I doubt that it’ll be the death of Robb’s fun, Margaery seems like she knows how to have a good time. Theon will have to grow up one day and realize being a relationship is not in fact the death of a good time," Sansa said rolling her eyes again.

  
"I'm not that bad!" Theon cried from behind her as he and Jeyne came back holding their cocktails, "I’ve had relationships. Just some of my best relationships happen to start and end within 24 hours.”

  
“That’s seriously your defense?” Jon laughed, shaking his head at Theon.

  
“You’re one to talk. When’s the last time you even went on a date?” Theon shot back. “Hell, I was trying to play Cupid for you just last night and it was like pulling teeth!"

  
"Oh? I gotta hear this story,” Jeyne prompted.

  
"Don't waste your time," Jon said quickly.

  
Theon ignored him and began his story. "Well I was trying to help Jon get some attention, there was this totally smoking red head, and we all know Jon loves his red heads.” Theon winked at Jon and grinned.

  
Sansa slowly turned her head towards Jon, his face had drained of color.

  
"And were you successful? Did you get any action Jon?” Sansa asked, the words tasting like ash in her mouth.

  
"I don't…" Jon began.

  
"Depends on what we’re going to qualify as action I suppose," Theon interrupted him, "So I had a plan as soon as I saw her. First I made sure to loosen our boy up with a couple drinks, then I made the intro. You acted all aloof at first, but we all know girls love that.” Now he was winking at Jeyne, Sansa wanted to claw his damn winking eye out. “So I buy us a couple more shots and tell her to ask Jon to dance because I sure as hell know Mr Brooding won’t initiate it. And bam! He finally got out there and danced with her. I forgot to ask, did you ever get her number?"

  
"Jon danced? How are you not hungover? Because we all know there had to be far more than just a couple drinks to make that happen," Jeyne joked. Jon was staring daggers at Theon.

  
"What? You needed the help, you've rejected all the bridesmaids, not that I am complaining so much about that. But come on man, I haven't seen you with anyone since that girl your freshman year, what was her name? The red head, Yvette?"

  
"Ygritte," Jon ground out through gritted teeth.

  
"Yeah that’s it, the crazy one, seems like she's scared you off girls for good, but it's a wedding, on an island and you're the best man, you basically have a duty to get la…."

  
"Theon! Shut up!" Jon snapped cutting him off.

  
Theon gawked at him. "Shit, maybe you do have a hangover."

  
Sansa stood up abruptly and grabbed her stuff. "I've had enough sun," she announced, "See everyone for dinner."

  
She didn't wait on a response and headed off up the beach. She could hear someone chasing behind her, she knew it would be Jon.

  
"Sansa! Wait!" he called.

  
She kept walking, she didn't want to see him right now. Everything was flooding back into her mind. She could picture Ygritte's smug face as she had closed the door on her, hear the noises she made as Jon fucked her, when he had chosen the other girl over her. He might not have known at the time how desperately she had needed him that day but thinking about it now, even though years had passed, she felt her heart shatter again. She was back in his dorm hallway, broken and alone. When she started to think about what had happened later that night she shuttered, bile rising in her throat. If he had been there that day, if he had just talked to her, helped her, how different would her life had turned out? She was having trouble breathing and everything seemed to be closing in. She needed to get away from him as soon as possible, too many feelings and memories were coming back.

  
She knew they were about halfway back to her room, no longer visible from the beach. She could hear him right behind her still and prepared to break into a run, she had to get away from here, away from him, but it seemed he could sense her intention, he was quicker than she was and he grabbed her and spun her around to face him.

  
"Sansa, please stop, it was nothing, Theon’s an idiot. I had some drinks and I danced with some stranger. It was just dancing, there was no kissing or anything like that, I didn't get her number, I didn't leave with her. I don't want to be with anyone else," he pleaded, "Please don't be upset."

  
"I don't care about that! Drink, dance, fuck whoever you like!" She spat at him trying to pull away.

  
"Sansa, what the hell?! Listen to me! Nothing happened! Nothing!"

  
"Let go of me! I don’t want to look at you! I can't do this with you!" she shrieked struggling in his grip, "Those flowers don't fix anything! I am so stupid to have forgotten what you did! You didn't even care that I needed you! You lied! You’re a liar!" Hot tears started streaming down her face and she was gasping for air.

  
"What are you talking about? Since that summer you're always been the one pushing me away! When did you ever need me?" Jon demanded. She was hysterically, struggling harder against him, he tightening his grip so she couldn't get away from him. She wasn't making any sense, he would never deny her help if she asked, never. He couldn’t think of anything he could have done to her to warrant this reaction.

  
"It doesn't matter anymore," she sobbed, something in her eyes told him she was far away now, he wasn’t even sure she knew she was talking to him anymore. "Why didn't you help me? Why weren't you there?"

  
"What are you talking about?! I've always been there! I've done nothing the last two years but wait for you!" Jon countered. He was so frustrated now he almost wanted to shake her. How could she not see it, how could she not know how he felt, that he’d been waiting? He’d given her space sure, now he realized maybe it had been too much space, but could she not see how he felt about her. Hell Margaery had even called him out on it and didn’t Sansa know him better? Jon suddenly realized people had stopped on the path and were staring at them.

  
"Hey man, maybe you should let her go," a guy in board-shorts said stepping towards them.

  
Jon released his grip and put his hands in the air. "We're alright, everything is fine."

  
A middle aged woman swooped in and put an arm around Sansa, pulling her a couple steps away and gave Jon a dirty look. "Are you ok dear? Do you want us to call security?"

  
"Oh no, no, everything is fine. Just too much sun and rum," she answered quickly swiping at her eyes. She seemed to have quickly regained her composure, the presence of strangers pulling her back into herself. The woman looked at her in disbelief and shook her head, glancing at Jon nervously.

  
"If you feel in danger…." She began.

  
"Truly, thank you for your concern, but I assure you I'm fine, we're fine. He's my brother's friend, he's just trying to help me. I’m just a little drunk, I'm think I was being a bit dramatic," Sansa soothed the woman.

  
"Ok then, but I suggest you go find your brother as quickly as possible,” the woman warned her. “And you should keep your hands to yourself young man.” The woman stared angrily at Jon before backing away from them.

  
The surfer guy and the woman walked off, they seemed to be muttering between them, it was unclear if they believed the story they were just told.

  
"Sansa," Jon began.

  
"No," she said and held up her hand. "I didn't want them calling security, that's all that was. I am going to go now, please do not follow me."

  
"This is ridiculous! Talk to me, please. I don't understand what…."

  
"I can't do this with you, not here, not now, probably not ever. You made a choice once Jon and we both need to live with that. I made a mistake thinking I had gotten over it,” she told him. “Stupid, stupid girl," she added, she seemed to be talking to herself now.

  
"Please, Sansa don't walk away. I don't understand what just happened here," Jon pleaded.

  
"Leave me alone. Don't follow me Jon," Sansa commanded before turning and walking away. Jon stood in the middle of the path and just stared after her dumbfounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I’ll apologize now for how you may feel at the end of this chapter but I do promise the chapter after next there will be a break in the clouds, so thanks for hanging in there.


	17. Our Choices Seal Our Fate

Past

Sansa sat at her vanity playing with her hair. Jeyne lay across the bed scrolling though Facebook aimlessly. It was the first day of winter break, Robb would be home tomorrow. The family was leaving for a ski vacation the day after.

"I can't believe you are going to be gone like all break," Jeyne whined.

"I know, but I'll be back in time for New Year's Eve. Do you think we'll still see Jon or Theon around town then?"

"Theon's always around, I have no idea about Jon," Jeyne shrugged.

Sansa went back to playing with her hair. She had really hoped that if Jon was back in town she could talk to him. She had not been in contact with him since Thanksgiving break. She had been very confused on why he had left the party abruptly, especially after what had happened between them upstairs, he had wanted to kiss her, she was sure of it. When he had not come by the house again to say goodbye to her younger brothers or Robb she had asked Robb about it, he said Jon told him he had to get back early for a job. Sansa had felt hurt given how they had left things in Pyp's hallway. She had tried to call him a couple times, but he hadn't answered or even texted back, and that had left her completely perplexed.

Jeyne suddenly shrieked and caused Sansa jump.

"Oh my god, what?!" Sansa cried.

"Have you seen this?" Jeyne asked thrusting her phone towards Sansa.

It was a tagged picture of Jon with some skinny red headed girl, his arm was around her, she was kissing his cheek and they were smiling. The caption underneath read, "Survived our first college finals #triedandtested"

"That is the dumbest hashtag I've ever seen," Sansa huffed.

“I can't believe Jon finally has a girlfriend, college really does open a world of possibilities. Though I guess it was only a matter of time before he found someone to put up with his broody ass," Jeyne joked, ignoring Sansa's prior comment. She actually sounded happy for him. " _Traitor_ ," Sansa thought to herself, though Jeyne had no way of knowing why.

"I guess there's someone for everybody," Sansa murmured. She was working to keep her breath even, she wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or scream. She couldn't help but wonder how long this had been going on. Was this the real reason he had avoided her calls? Were they together before he was last home? Was that why he fled after their near kiss, why he was now ignoring her? It all started to make sense, how could she have missed it. Why won’t he have just told her? ‘He wanted to spare your feelings. You’ve made it clear you are not over him,’ a voice hissed in the back of her mind.

She realized Jeyne was looking at her. "What?" She asked sounding more defensive than she intended.

"I just realized you might be sad since you always had that crush on him."

Sansa waved her off, "Oh please, that was the forever ago." Jeyne shot her a skeptical look. Sansa continued, "Seriously, it's not like I didn't know a long time ago that it's never going to happen for us. Come on, help me finish packing."

xxxx

Jon did not come back for winter break. Robb said he'd taken some night time security job on campus, so he was required to stay. Apparently, his roommate Sam had too and they called themselves “The Night's Watch.” Everyone but Sansa seemed to find that “so clever.” She couldn't help but wonder if he'd actually spent the holidays with his new girlfriend.

The Starks had returned from their ski holiday on December 30, just in time for New Year's Eve. Sansa had spent much of the trip coming to terms with the fact that it was really over for her and Jon. She had fought with herself almost daily as to whether she should confront him or just let it go. She had gone as far as typing up several texts or pulling up his number to call, but each time she had failed to press send or call; in the end she decided if he had moved on then she should too. Why she should she waste another moment on him when he had disregarded her so? Why allow him the satisfaction?

The New Year's party was going to be at Alys Karstark's house, her parents had gone out of town for the holiday. She had planned to attend with Jeyne and Pyp but over the last week she realized she really needed to stop being the third wheel. She finally admitted to herself that she had put her romantic life on hold for the hope and dream of Jon and clearly, she needed to stop that now.

She picked up her phone and texted Ramsay, "Are you going to Alys' party?"

She waited nervously for him to reply. They hadn't spoken a lot about what had happened between them over Thanksgiving weekend, but they had remained friends. She knew her refusal had caused some tension between them. While it wasn't overt, Sansa had felt it, had seen it in the set of Ramsay's jaw when they saw each other at school, but she dismissed it as some form of embarrassment, and now with this latest revelation about Jon she was completely empathetic to him. There was no worse feeling than knowing you had laid it on the line and been rejected.

Her phone lit up, "That's the plan. I'll see you there?"

"Do you want to go together?"

"Sure, pick you up 8:30?"

"K"

She realized that telling him she wanted this to be a date via text after he had put it out in person seemed lame, so she decided she would wait till tomorrow to announce her intentions. She just hoped she didn't lose her nerve before then.

xxxx

They had arrived at the party around 9 pm. On the drive over Sansa had felt distracted and nervous, but if Ramsay noticed he didn't say. However, Sansa had noticed him glancing at her a couple of times with a look she could only describe as intrigued. Jeyne had given her a questioning look when they walked in together, Sansa just shrugged at her in response.

They were now sitting on the couches in Alys' living room with Jeyne and Pyp. They were part of a group listening to a senior guy, Rast, she thought his name was, telling them all a story. Sansa only knew him by his reputation as a loud mouth, which he seemed to be living up to. She wasn't much interested in the story though since her nerves were on edge thinking of the best way to let Ramsay know she was interested in dating. She was worried though, what if she had waited too long and he rejected her as well? She wasn't sure she could handle that. She had accepted that Jon had moved on, but the rejection still felt raw. Her nerves felt completely on edge.

She suddenly saw Jeyne's hand waving in front of her face.

"Oh," she cried startled and spilled her drink.

"Be careful!" Alys cried.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I'll clean it up," she apologized and got to her feet. She headed to the kitchen to get a towel. Jeyne was at her heels. It was the first time they were alone since she arrived.

"What's up with you?" She asked as soon as the door swung shut.

"Nothing, tired from the trip I guess."

Jeyne eyed her. "You sure that’s it? You seem kinda jumpy. Also, can we discuss that you came with Ramsay? Whose idea was that exactly?" There was a question in her voice. Jeyne knew about the Thanksgiving kiss, she had actually encouraged her to pursue it but Sansa had given her the same lame excuse she had given Ramsay, that she just wasn’t ready.

"I think I'm gonna kiss him at midnight," she suddenly blurted out.

"Whoa! Really?" Jeyne squealed, then she clapped her hands softly. "I've been waiting all year for you to finally get over Joffrey and start dating again; maybe you can finally stop being so mopey."

"I have not been mopey!"

Jeyne quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Ok maybe occasionally, but it's not been ALL year." ‘ _And it's never actually been over Joffrey,’_  she thought to herself.

"Who cares as long as it's ending. This is great news! I'm so excited for you!"

"Hey, can you hurry up before this totally soaks in?" They heard Alys call from the other room in exasperation.

"Coming now!" Sansa called back grabbing a roll of paper towels and heading back.

xxxx

Sansa stared at herself in the bathroom mirror and realized she might be a couple drinks pass just taking the edge off, she cursed herself for her miscalculation. It was five minutes till midnight though, so it was now or never.

"Pull yourself together Stark," she told herself. Her mind wandered to Jon and she reached for her phone, she ached to call him, to hear him say this was all a mistake, that they should be together.

"Sansa?" she heard Jeyne's voice on the other side of the door.

She startled and nearly dropped the phone. "One minute," she answered and shoved the phone back in her pocket. ‘No, you need to leave Jon in the past, New year, new you,’ she told herself. She smoothed her hair and then turned to open the door. Jeyne gave her a nervous glance as she stepped into the hallway.

"It's almost time, are you gonna make it?" She whispered looping her arm through hers.

"Yes," she answered steeling her resolve.

They walked back into the main room where everyone was gathered around the tv, most standing in pairs. Jeyne gave her arm a quick squeeze and pointed her towards Ramsay. Sansa walked over, her heart speeding up. She was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. Was it really fair to either of them to try and start something when, despite her efforts otherwise, she still felt so much for Jon. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, she needed him out of her head and her heart. ‘Stop thinking about him! He’s over you and you are over him!’ she told herself. She suddenly realized that Ramsay was studying her intently.

"What?" She asked starting to feel heat rising in her face.

"Nothing, I'm just really pleased to be here with you, I'm glad you texted. Also, you're quite beautiful," he answered.

She blushed deeper and smiled shyly at him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I’m glad we’re here too.”

"Here we go!" someone yelled as everyone started to count down from ten.

"9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2" the room filled with voices and laughter. "1!" they all cried, "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year Sansa," Ramsay said looking at her expectantly. ‘Just do it,’ her mind called out to her. She said nothing but leaned in and kissed him. At first he didn't move but then his lips responded and his hand slid to her waist. It went on for a few more beats and they drew apart.

His eyes were intense, they surveyed her, a question building in them.

"Happy New Year," She giggled softly, "I've decided I'm ready."


	18. Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not?

Present

Sansa lay on her side on the bed staring out the open patio doors. She felt gutted and empty, like a strong breeze would blow her away like dried leaves. After leaving Jon on the path she had managed to make it back to her room before completely losing it. She had cried for nearly an hour, until her breath was ragged, her face swollen and numb and her eyes could no longer produce tears.

She was angry at herself for letting the sight of Jon Snow erase all rational thought. She had not seen him in two years and in that time, though she thought of him, she had been able to keep him in a box and any hopes and dreams she had that included him had stayed in that box. However now she realized the sight of him, the smell, the sensation, in just these few short days had destroyed the box completely. How had she let this happen? How had she forgotten his part in that horrible day? Sure, he had not been the direct cause, but he had played a role. How had she let flowers, his shy smile and a few kind words push all that from her mind?

‘Because you want to forgive him,’ her mind whispered.

“Does it ever exhaust you to stay so angry?” this time instead of her voice it was Robb’s. A memory of the fight they’d had last Christmas seeping in. She and Robb rarely fought but her refusal to come home for a second Christmas in a row had set him off.

“I don’t understand why you can’t at least concede Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Give me 36 hours, please. If you can’t do it for mom than do it for me and Margaery,” he pleaded, “it’s our first Christmas together with the family and I want you there.”

“I love you. I love Margaery. I can make a trip out to see you for Spring Break, but I can’t make it home right now Robb,” she had replied.

“You know you’re always welcomed, but that’s not the point here.”

“And what is the point?”

“You know the wedding is in like 6 months, won’t you rather have it out with everyone now as opposed to then?” He asked.

“About that –“ she began.

“No! No way! You will be there! This is my fucking wedding Sansa. You damn well better be there!” Robb snapped.

She heard the pain and frustration in his voice. He was right, she had to be there for that. “I know, I know. I will be, I promise.”

“I’m not the only one that misses you, the boys asked about you at Thanksgiving. Rickon doesn’t understand why you’re gone so much,” his voice softened as he spoke.

His appeal however only riled her back up. “Don’t use Rickon against me. It’s not like I never see him. He and Bran came out here for siblings weekend in October. And you know something, that actually reinforced why I can’t be there with mom. Do you know she sent me a detailed email about what I could and couldn’t do with them? That she instructed Bran to basically spy on me and report me to her if he saw anything alarming? Do you know how that felt? No, I’m not doing it, I can’t come home, I’m sorry.”

“Listen, I know you and mom have your differences. I get it. I’ve never agreed with how they handled you after -, after the accident. But we are still a family and it’s Christmas. Don’t you think at some point you’ll have to forgive her?”

“Do you think at some point she’ll apologize?”

Robb sighed heavily in to the phone. “Does it ever exhaust you to stay so angry?”

His words struck her hard. It was, it was so exhausting. He had no idea how much she wanted to be able to come home at some point, to see all of them. To be a family, to be normal, to be excited for his wedding. But she couldn’t concede on this, not unless her mother did first. She’d allowed herself to be run over and disrespected in the past, she could not fall back into her old patterns.

“I’m working on it, I am. But I can’t do Christmas, please try and understand.”

“Ok Sansa, ok. I just hope some day you’ll let us back in,” he said. His voice was full of disappointment and resignation. It had broke her heart.

She let out a long sigh as the memory receded from her mind. It was exhausting being angry but she still wasn't sure she could face Jon tonight, maybe she should feign an illness, skip dinner altogether. But then Robb or Margaery might worry and she didn't want to add to their stresses, not this close to their wedding.

She rolled over unto her back and stared at the ceiling fan. "You have survived much worse than a dinner, you can handle this," she whispered to herself. "I am Sansa Stark, I’m stronger than this." She repeated this to herself a couple more times and then rose from the bed to take a shower and prepare for dinner.

—

Dinner was on the beach. The setting was beautiful. The sky held the last hints of purple twilight and there were twinkling lights and tiki torches, a soft breeze blowing through the palm trees. Sansa closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the waves. At least the surroundings were peaceful, though it was in stark contrast to how she felt inside. Her head hurt and her palms were clammy with her nerves about seeing Jon.

"Sansa!" she heard Margaery from behind her. Sansa turned to face her and Robb with a smile. "I want you to meet my brother Loras and his boyfriend Renly. This is Robb's sister Sansa."

"Charmed," Loras said kissing her hand. Sansa smiled at him and nodded. He was very handsome, it must be a Tyrell family requirement to be beautiful.

"Sansa Stark? God it is a small world." Renly said to both her and Robb, "It totally just dawned on me that you dated my lovely nephew Joffrey."

Sansa instantly frowned, this was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of. "Lovely nephew!? You're A Baratheon?" She didn't even bother to hide the disgust in her voice. She looked at Robb in disbelief, he looked apologetic.

Renly shifted uncomfortably and looked slightly confused by her reaction. “He was far from lovely,” she added.

"Yes, unfortunately she did date him, but that was a long time ago," Robb answered for her, "she's become much wiser since then."

Sansa looked at Renly wondering if they might have offended him but he just laughed, "Indeed. He's actually quite unpleasant, just like his mother, just like my brute of an older brother who barely even speaks to me. I’m glad you lived and learned; you seem far too sweet and beautiful for him anyways."

She let out a slight laugh, relieved he wasn’t offended. “Like Robb said, it was a long time ago. Well I am parched. Does anyone need a drink?" she asked. She needed to get away from everyone for a moment and breathe.

"I think we're all set," Robb said gently looking at her with understanding.

Sansa turned and walked towards the bar, she could hear Robb murmuring to Margaery, she was sure her brother was informing her why Sansa was so rattled.

She grabbed a water from the bin and walked out pass the light of the torches towards the water. She just needed to gather herself. She had not thought about Joffrey in a long time, other events in her life had been much more traumatic, but the reminder out of nowhere shook her.

She stood staring out at the horizon for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts. "Sansa," she heard Robb softly behind her.

"It's ok Robb, just caught me by surprise. I just needed a couple minutes."

"I should've warned you, but originally Renly wasn't going to be able to get off work. So I thought it better to not even bring it up."

"It's really ok Robb, I'm ok, I promise."

"Well if it makes you feel better apparently Joffrey got tossed from his fancy college, breaking the honor code or something, imagine that…. I guess for once there was something even Robert couldn’t buy his way out of it. Renly said he's living with Tyrion now, working as a wedding cater waiter or something, Robert cut him off for the moment, said he's a shame to the family name."

"That actually does make me feel better, Tyrion never had an issue telling Joffrey off either, hopefully he's miserable working as, gasp, hired help," she mused with a small smile. "Let's get you back to this party."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said and grabbed his elbow to lead him back towards the party. "I'm starving anyways."

They walked back and Sansa saw Jon tracking them from across the way. Robb waved at him and Jon started over to them. She released Robb's arm and muttered something about finding Arya and went in the other direction.

She saw Jeyne, Gendry and Arya near the appetizer table and headed to them.

"How many more dinners do we have?" she heard Arya sigh to Jeyne.

"Rehearsal tomorrow and then the actual wedding, we're almost there, but what are you complaining about? You two only leave your room to eat anyways," Jeyne teased Arya.

Gendry nearly chocked, Arya merely smirked and shrugged.

"See, that is why it's better you stayed in Gendry's room," Sansa added.

Gendry's face turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Well I'll be sad when it's over, it's been amazing to be here with everyone again. I take it you're feeling better from earlier?" Jeyne said turning to Sansa.

"Yes, it was just too much sun I think," she demurred.

"Did you see the couple fighting on the way back to your room? Theon and I heard these people talking about it at the bar after you and Jon left, they were wondering if they should call security about it."

Sansa swallowed hard and looked at Jeyne careful, did she know it was her and Jon? "No, nothing I saw, but the resort is huge," she shrugged.

"That’s sad, who could fight in a place like this?" Gendry mused.

"Dinner is served, everyone please take your seats!" Margaery's voice rang out.

They headed to the tables that were arranged in a circle. Sansa suddenly noticed that the seats were assigned. She felt a sinking feeling, she knew if Margaery had made the seating arrangements who she would be sitting next to.

She reached her seat just as Jon reached his. "Let me," he said pulling out her chair.

She gave him a cold look and sat down. One of the bridesmaids was on her other side, she wasn't sure she could keep a conversation going with the girl all night but she would have to try. To the other side of Jon was Loras, who of course would spend his time talking to Renly. ‘ _Well played Marg_ ,’ she thought to herself with annoyance.

She and Jon ate without speaking to each other, luckily with a large group of people it was easier than she thought. She made a point to listen to other people and make every effort to not make eye contact with Jon. Every so often she would catch Jon glancing at her, he seemed anxious and she knew he wanted to talk. Sansa took comfort in knowing he would not push it and risk making a scene with so many people there. She caught Margaery's eye at one point, she looked so hopefully, Sansa just lifted her glass to her and smiled, she'd let Margaery be pleased with herself, she was the bride after all.

Dessert was served, by that time most of the people in attendance were several drinks in and the conversation had gotten louder and more animated. It seemed to embolden Jon.

"I want to talk to you after dinner, please," he pleaded softly.

She nodded slightly, she wasn't sure why she was agreeing, maybe it was that he seemed so wounded and earnest, maybe it was that she was just too exhausted to protest at this point.

The group slowly began to break apart, people were full and tired or drunk. She noticed that Jeyne and Theon kept glancing at each other and then around to see if anyone was paying attention to them. Sansa couldn't help but laugh softly, maybe Jeyne's high school fantasy would finally be fulfilled.

She noticed that Jon had been pulled into a conversation with Loras and Renly. She knew she had agreed to talk to him but he couldn't actually hold her to it. She thanked Marg and Robb for a wonderful evening and headed to the shoreline. She figured it was easier to slip away in the darkness than along the well-lighted path.

She walked down the beach at the edge of the water, it was dark, but the moon helped. She wished she could enjoy this place more. She wished she could enjoy her family more as well, but it seemed there were constant reminders of the past lurking everywhere. Perhaps she had been foolish to think one trip could change everything.

She gathered her skirt in her hand and waded out a little further into the water, till it reached just above her knees, and took a deep breath of the salty air, it felt good, cleansing. She closed her eyes, she felt safe here, the sound of the wind and the waves, the coolness of the water creating a protective bubble.

"I'm sorry."

She started just as a wave hit her legs, her eyes popped open and she crashed into Jon's arms sending them both tumbling into the shallow surf. He was beneath her, their eyes locked for a moment before another wave swept over them causing them to break apart so they could stand up, wet and sputtering. They made their way out of the water and stood on the beach a few feet apart.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Jon said.

"I didn't mean to try and drown you, not really anyways," she said.

"Well at least the water's warm," he said. He removed his shirt and rang it out. Sansa inhaled at the sight of him, his chest and arms were perfectly sculpted, he looked like a sea god rising from the tide. She realized he had noticed her staring, a smile tugging ever so slightly at the corners of his mouth.

She shook her head to clear it. ‘ _You're suppose to be furious with him, stop staring_ ,’ she chastised herself. Then she realized Jon was staring at her and the way her wet dress clung to her frame, he had to be taking notice of the way her nipples strained against the dress due to the cool breeze. She suddenly felt self conscious and crossed her arms across her chest. He moved his gaze away and she cursed herself for feeling disappointed.

"Are you cold? Maybe you want to change before we talk?" he asked.

"I don't plan for this to be a long conversation, so I'm fine as I am," she said.

He regarded her and decided to push forward. "I want to know why you freaked out on me earlier today. You said I wasn't there for you, I've been raking my brain all day to remember when that happened, and I can't. You need to tell me when."

She gave him a hard look. Had her request mattered so little to him? Could he really forget that she came to him the day of the accident?

"Are you serious?" she hissed.

"Yes, I need to know because I can't imagine how I've failed you so badly that you would hate me like this."

He seemed so earnest, he must really believe he was telling the truth. He honestly must've forgot. She wasn't sure if that made her feel better or worse.

"The day of the accident," she finally announced.

He looked at her, she could see his mind working, trying to recall what she might be talking about.

"I was at school when that happened, I didn't come back to town until Robb had called me the next day to tell me what had happened."

"You can't be serious right now."

"Sansa, I honestly have no idea…." He began.

"I was there, I came to your dorm, you didn't even bother to see me," she whispered, tears were starting to choke her.

Jon just stared at her opened mouth and started to shake his head in disbelief.

"I waited nearly half the day, I texted you, I told Ygritte to tell you, you never responded."

"I had no idea. I swear on my life Sansa, I had no idea you came to me. Ygritte never told me, and I can't say I'm shocked, she was crazy jealous of you, of us. If I had known…"

"And the text messages?"

"I don't know, I never got them. You have to believe me, I would never just ignore you if you needed me."

"You hardly answered any of my calls that year," she countered.

"Those were late night drunk calls and I was working most of the time, but I listened to every one of your messages. If you had said you needed me I would've dropped everything and come to you, no questions asked."

"Why would I believe that?"

"Because it's the truth. I loved you, I never said it then but you knew, that's why you would've come. You can't really believe that if I had known you needed me I would've just ignored you? Is that what you have thought all this time? That I just abandoned you? You think I abandoned you and then days later betrayed you to your parents? Is that why you have stayed away from me for 2 years? Why you hate me?"

"I never said I hated you," Sansa started to cry. Had all of her anger, these lost years, had it all been built on a misunderstanding? A lie?

"What can I do to make you believe me? I'll do anything. I'll swear on anything, my life, my mom's life, whatever you want. I'll track down Ygritte even, demand she tell you the truth…..."

She cried harder, she knew in her heart he was telling the truth. So much of her anger over the last three years had been built on a false foundation, she wasn't even sure what to do now.

"Sansa? What is it? Please, stop," he pleaded.

"You said you loved me," she managed to choke out. She was fighting to regain control of herself. He looked at her for a few breaths, he seemed confused, his brows knitted together.

"Loved? What do you mean?" he asked.

"Yeah, loved, past tense."

"You know it's not just in the past."

She realized he had come closer to her, but he was moving slow and deliberately, like she was a wounded animal that might spook. She realized that was probably closer to the truth than she wanted to admit.

"It's been too long, too much has happened," she whispered, shaking her head at him.

"No amount of time or distance could -, can change it. I thought when I went off to school it would fade, but it didn't. That was my mistake, and by the time I was ready to admit it at Thanksgiving, well you were with Ramsay and I thought you had moved on and I figured I owed you that. So I tried to do the same and asked Ygritte out when I got back to school, but it was never right, it was always you my heart came back to. That was why Ygritte was so jealous, she knew it before I was willing to admit it to myself."

A look of confusion crossed her face. "I wasn't with Ramsay at Thanksgiving." She backed away slightly.

"I saw you kissing him in the backyard, after I left you upstairs."

Things started to click in to place in Sansa's mind. Had that whole year just been a chain of cursed serendipitous events? She felt angry and relieved simultaneously.

"That wasn't….. we weren't….. I guess it doesn't matter now who was with who when, but you and I ended up apart. I don't want anymore misunderstandings. Do you still want me to believe you about that day?"

"Yes, just tell me what you want me to do."

"Say how you feel now, if you want me to believe you never knew I came to you that day, say the words now and make me believe you."

He took her in his arms then. One hand was on her waist, the other hand wound into her hair, making her look him straight in the eyes, much the same way he had held her the night in Pyp’s hallway. It was poetic really since both of these nights had and would alter the course of their lives. Their breathing fell into a matched rhythm. She waited for him to speak.

"I swear it by whatever gods can hear me, I love you, I loved you then, I love you now, I have always loved you, only ever you," Jon finally declared.

He waited, studying her expression, his eyes pleading and full of want.

"Sansa," he breathed, his nerves fraying as he waited on her to decide their fate.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" she whispered.

He didn't hesitate, he pulled her to him and kissed her like she had never been kissed. The air felt full of electricity, like a lightning storm was brewing on the horizon. Everything was magnified, the feel of his skin on hers, the grit from the sand, their body heat, the smell of sweat and salt, she felt weightless and yet more aware of her body than she thought possible.

They pulled back and tipped their foreheads together.

"So, you believe me then?"

"Yes, I believe you." He kissed her again, softly, sweetly.

"I’m sorry, I think I’m going to ruin this, but I need to ask you something," he said with resignation as they pulled apart.

"Ok," she said tentatively, his tone making her weary.

"Why did you come see me that day? What was so bad that it made you basically hate me for not being there?"

Sansa sighed heavily, tears stinging at her eyes again.

"I can’t, not yet," she forced out.

He wiped away the tear that had escaped her eye.

He kissed her again. "It’s ok, for now. I'm not going anywhere, but you need to tell me, when you're ready. Do you want to walk for a while?"

She nodded and took his hand and they turned and walked down the beach into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A miracle, some thing a bit happier for Christmas Eve. I'll probably leave it here for today since we are very close to starting our descent into the heart of darkness....... #teaser #sorrynotsorry Thanks for reading and hope everyone has a happy holiday!


	19. I Had the Strangest Feeling

Past

  
"Sooo….." Jeyne drawled out as they lay sprawled across Sansa's bed where they had been taking online quizzes on Buzzfeed. They had just finished one that purported to predict your animal sex style. Sansa clearly had not been as amused with it as Jeyne. 

“What?" Sansa sighed .

  
"Well you two have been dating a couple months now, so are you, you know?"

  
"No."

  
"Why not? Doesn't he want to? That's all Pyp wants to do now."

  
"You realize just because you lost your V card doesn't mean I have to. And of course that's all Pyp wants to do now that he knows what it feels like."

  
"You didn't answer my question."

  
"We couldn't even if we did want to. His dad's pretty strict on him, so it's not like we can go do it there, and my house is out of the question. And anyways, I'm not sure that I'm ready."

  
"Fine then, but it would be easier for me to talk about it with you if you actually knew what I was talking about."

  
"Jeyne, I took health class, I've seen movies, it's not like you are speaking a foreign language to me. And it's just sex, you didn't suddenly find out the meaning of life," Sansa signed rolling her eyes.

  
Jeyne and Pyp had done it for the first time about a month ago and ever since then Jeyne did in fact seem to think she knew the secrets of the universe. Sansa loved her but she was starting to find it annoying. Ramsay for his part seemed ready, he pushed slightly but he never made her feel uncomfortable about it. She liked Ramsay just fine but sometimes things felt a bit off and she had told herself she would not be with someone like that unless it felt completely right. She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't stop comparing her feelings to when she was with Jon. It had felt right with him, she had wanted it to happen with him, she hadn't felt that way yet with Ramsay and she refused to settle.

  
In some ways though she was also put off by Mr. Bolton's behavior, the few times she had met him she found him cold to both her and Ramsay. She found he looked at her with what she thought of as suspicious contempt and one time she thought she overheard them arguing about her. She had only caught snippets of the conversation but she had picked out phrases like "don't play your little games with this one," and "remember what happened last time." Sansa never asked Ramsay what all that meant but she felt unsettled by it. She also disliked the large dogs he and his father kept, she wasn't scared of dogs, but these ones were aggressive and only seemed to listen to Ramsay. So yeah, there was no way she was getting it on with him at his house.

  
"Are we going to the Umber party this weekend? Pyp's out of town but you and I can go," Jeyne stated.

  
"Well I'm supposed to go with Ramsay, so as long as you don't mind third wheeling it…."

  
"Better than sitting home."

  
xxxx

  
Ramsay was going to be late, apparently his father was in a mood about him going out, so she had Jeyne pick her up and they headed to the party.

  
They had been there for over an hour and Sansa was a shot and a couple beers in when he finally showed up. He seemed in a rather dark mood.

  
"Hey," he greeted her and kissed her on the cheek, "I'm gonna go grab a beer, I'll bring you one too." He had spied her near empty cup.

  
"Thanks," she called as he walked away.

  
"Why do you think his dad's so strict?" Jeyne asked.

  
"No idea, he's a rather cold man though. I don't think he cares for me."

  
"Do you think he's still mad because you got Ramsay suspended like his first week here?"

  
Sansa looked at Jeyne and felt hurt, she had not done anything to get him in trouble, that was all on Joffrey. Jeyne looked at her and flushed, clearly she had just realized what she had said.

  
"Sansa, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

  
Ramsay returned then, interrupting them and handed Sansa a plastic cup of beer which she took and downed a large gulp. His face still had an angry expression.

  
"Everything ok?" Sansa asked him.

  
"What? Yeah, fine I guess. Roose and I got into tonight, bastard was searching my room."

  
"For what?" Sansa asked concerned.

  
"Who knows, he's been all weird these last few days, he doesn't like that I told him I'd be out late with a girl."

  
"Maybe he's looking for condoms," Jeyne teased trying to lighten the mood.

  
"Sansa and I don't exactly fuck," Ramsay shot back at her. Someone behind Ramsay laughed.

  
Sansa felt her face burn with humiliation and just stared at Ramsay, her mouth slightly open, he had never been crude like that. Jeyne's face was a mask of uncomfortable shock.

  
"Excuse me," Sansa mumbled and pushed her way through the crowd towards the front door. She heard both Ramsay and Jeyne calling her name as she fled.

  
She made it out on to the porch and down the front stairs into the darkness of the yard.

"Sansa," she heard Ramsay call from the porch. She slowed down and waited for him to catch up.

  
She turned and looked at him, then pass him, her face clearly showing the pain she felt. She crossed her arms and sipped her beer expectantly.

  
"I'm an asshole," he declared. She continued to stare pass him, said nothing and waited for him to continue. He sighed heavily when she did not respond. "Hey, hey," he said tipping her chin up so she had to look at him. "I'm an asshole, I'm mad at my dad and I took it out on you, I'm sorry."

  
She took another long drink and regarded him carefully. "Why is he so terrible? I think he hates me," she finally responded.

  
"He thinks you're too good for me. Maybe he has a point though, I was a complete jerk back there."

  
"Are you pissed we don't have sex?" she asked quietly.

  
"Pissed no, frustrated, somewhat," he answered. He took in her expression, "Well would you rather I lie?"

  
She let out a huff and finished her beer.

  
"Oh don't be like that, I'm allowed to be frustrated... Anyway, I pretty much knew getting involved with you meant I was on your schedule anyways, you're the one with the power here," he conceded, "and the beauty." That made her smile.

  
"Well I suppose that is true…" she mused, “I’m sorry it’s frustrating but –,”

  
"Don’t worry about that now. It’s fine, really. Like I said we’re on your schedule. Come back inside, I'll get you another drink." He smiled sincerely. She really had no desire to be angry with him and he truly seemed apologetic, she decided she’d let it go.

  
She let out a sigh, "Ok, I guess I should find Jeyne anyways."

  
"She went off to talk to Alys. I'll get you a drink and then we can dance."

  
She agreed and went inside with him. She waited in the entry way until he returned with a new cup for her and then lead her to the dance floor. They danced for a while, she finished her drink and set the cup aside. She started to wonder where Jeyne was. The room had started to feel hot, to the point she thought it was making her nauseated.

  
"I need air," she told Ramsay and left the dance floor. The room suddenly shifted and she bumped into the wall. She was suddenly feeling very drunk.

  
She felt Ramsay put his arms around her, he was talking to her but he sounded like he was under water.

  
"Where are we going?" she asked.

  
"You said you needed air, I'm taking you out back," he soothed her. He was rubbing her back as he lead her towards the back of the house.

  
"Maybe I should call Jon?" she suggested, her voice slurred. Ramsay said nothing.

  
"Sansa!" she heard Jeyne off in the distance.

  
"Jeyne!" she cried, her mouth felt full of cotton, she started to feel scared, she could not recall feeling this drunk before.

  
She was leaning on the door frame that lead to the back porch, she could hear arguing near her but didn't fully understand what was going on.

  
"Where are you planning on taking her?" Jeyne inquired.

  
"Don’t worry about it. She's my girlfriend, I'll handle this Jeyne," Ramsay told her, “You can go back to the party."

  
"Don't worry?! Look at her! She's my best friend and I've never seen her get like this, I'm taking her home," Jeyne argued back.

  
"I said I’m handling it," he bit out.

  
Sansa slid down and was now sitting on the floor, her head resting on her knees. She just wanted to get out of here, her head was swimming, she just wanted to lay down.

  
Ramsay turned his back on Jeyne and pulled Sansa to her feet. “Come on, lets get you out of here,” he purred. Sansa stumbled and was leaning heavily against him.

  
Jeyne would not be dismissed so easily. “Sansa, who do you want to go with?" she asked her.

  
Ramsay attempted to pull her out the door but Sansa's head rolled back and to the side and Jeyne came into focus.

  
"You, you take me home," she slurred pulling away from Ramsay and reaching towards Jeyne who stepped forward.

  
Ramsay half turned and looked back. Jeyne shot him a look of triumph and looped her arm around Sansa pulling her towards her. Jeyne found herself nearly face to face with him, his look was hard, she swore he seemed to be shaking with rage. "You shouldn't interfere," he hissed, his voice barely audible.

  
Sansa shook him off then, stumbling forward and fully hugged Jeyne. "I want to go," she whined. Jeyne took them a couple steps back, she suddenly felt unsettled by Ramsay and wanted out of his gaze.

  
"I'll have her call you tomorrow," she called back over her shoulder as she lead Sansa off to her car. "Girl you owe me, if you left with him you were just gonna throw up on him and embarrass yourself. What the hell did you drink? It's like I can't leave you unsupervised for one moment."

  
xxxx

  
Sansa groaned as she woke up on Jeyne's trundle bed. "Bloody hell," she winced and covered her eyes with her arm. She felt completely disoriented and sick.

  
"Think you'll live?" she heard Jeyne ask.

  
"Jury's still out," she groaned.

  
"Here, coffee." She heard Jeyne set the cup next to her on the floor. "What the hell did you drink last night? Were you doing shots with Ramsay?"

  
"No, no more shots. I think it was like four beers total, I have no idea why it hit me so hard. What time is it?"

  
"7:30, you know you threw up like 3 times on the ride home. I was barely able to get you in the house. And you should be grateful I didn't let you go with Ramsay, because that was not something you'd want him to see. God you were sloppy, definitely not sexy."

  
"I don't even remember leaving."

  
"Well that hangover's gonna be a bitch then. Probably call your man at some point though, he seemed kinda pissed you choose to leave with me over him. Honestly it was kinda weird."

  
Sansa groaned again, the last thing she felt up for today was soothing the male ego.

  
"Later," she mumbled and rolled towards the wall.

  
xxxx

  
"Sansa, Sansa. God get up, your phone won't stop going off," Jeyne's voice cut through the fog.

  
"Huh?" she mumbled.

  
"It's like noon, and your phone keeps going off. I told your mom you were in the shower and you were hanging out here, but I'm not gonna answers Ramsay, I draw the line there," Jeyne told her.

  
Sansa picked up her phone. She had 3 missed calls and 10 texts, they started with 'Are you feeling ok this morning?' and grew more angry, making demands to know her whereabouts.

  
'Been asleep, just woke up at Jeyne's, sorry,' she tapped into the phone. A moment later the phone chirped with his response, a simple 'K.'

  
"What did he say?"

  
"Ok," she shrugged.

  
"Really? He blew your phone up and then is just like 'cool'? What’s his deal?” Jeyne said rolling her eyes.

  
"I'm sure he was just worried, you said I was a mess, I'm sure he just wanted to make sure I wasn't in the hospital or something," Sansa defended him.

  
"I guess," Jeyne shrugged, "Hey so..."

  
She sensed the conversation may be taking a serious turn that she felt nowhere near well enough to handle. "Can we go get food?" She interjected, "I'm starving."

  
Jeyne regarded her for a moment, she seemed to be weighing her thoughts before letting out a sigh and nodding.

  
xxxx

  
Ramsay didn't say much more about the party or her leaving with Jeyne, but he did seem a bit colder towards her when she saw him at school the following week. She felt embarrassed by her behavior and figured maybe he was too, so she had apologized to him for being a mess. The ice in him seemed to melt a bit but not completely. Sansa had the realization that his distance hadn't really bothered her as much as it probably should. She liked Ramsay, she did, but she wondered if she could ever love him; she still found herself thinking about Jon far more than she should. She didn't necessarily want to break up, it was nice having a boyfriend in high school, she liked the security, she liked the double dates with Jeyne and Pyp. But she realized she was probably being unfair to him, she told herself she needed to try harder with him.

  
It had been a couple weeks since the Umber party and he had asked her if she wanted to go to a party with him a couple towns over, he said a couple guys he used to hang out with before he moved lived there now and it might be nice to see them. She had agreed and told her parents she was spending the night over at Jeyne's. Jeyne for her part had not loved the idea and warned Sansa to not allow herself to drink too much. She reminded her that she won’t be there to save the day again.

  
Ramsay was driving and she was staring out the window, winter was finally seeming to loosen its grip, she smiled at the thought that it would soon be spring, her mind turned to thoughts of Robb and Jon coming home for the summer. Maybe they could spend Memorial Day at the lake, then she remembered Jon was still with Ygritte. Stupid Ygritte who tagged Jon in what seemed like 10 posts a day, what was she trying to prove anyways?

  
"You look a million miles away," Ramsay's voice cut through her daydream. “Everything ok?”

  
"What? Oh, it's nothing. So tell me about your friends."

  
"Not much to tell, they are a little older, we worked together last summer, before I moved."

  
"Older?"

  
"Not like our parents age, maybe a little out of college."

  
"College? Are we going to be the youngest people there?" Sansa suddenly felt uncomfortable with the thought.

  
"Hell if I know, relax, everyone will be totally chill."

  
They road in silence the rest of the way, she now felt a sense of unease. They pulled up in front of a medium sized white two story house. It was definitely much more run down then the nice houses she was use to in their town. They got out and went inside. There were probably a dozen people inside. They looked to be in their 20s and 30s. There were at least a couple of other females though, which put her slightly at ease.

  
"Ramsay!" a slight man with a dark beard called and came across the room to greet them.

Sansa took him in, if he was just out of college he either hadn’t aged well or had taken 10 years or more to finish. ‘Don’t be so judgmental’ she chastised herself.

  
"Locke! Good to see you man!" Ramsay said as the two man hugged.

  
"It's been too long, though I was kinda surprised when you called and said you wanted to come by, but it's great to see you," Locke said. Sansa saw a dark shadow move across Ramsay's face; she could've sworn that he said these guys invited him.

  
"Well you must be Sansa. God, you’re beautiful," Locke said turning his attention to Sansa. She gave a small laugh but felt the slightest pang of unease under his gaze. “Don’t get me wrong, he told me you were but his description still didn’t do you justice.”

  
Ramsay laughed a bit and wrapped an arm around her. “You’re too kind,”she murmured.

  
“Oh sorry, I’m Locke, though I guess you figured that out already." And he held out his hand, she shook it, his skin was rough and dry. Then he turned to Ramsay, "Well good for you man. She's prettier than the last one, what was her name? Patsy, no, Tansy."

  
The pang of unease Sansa felt earlier now bloomed in full. Ramsay's jaw seemed to set hard and his eyes seemed to darken, his grip on her deepened; his body language did not seem to be that of a person just catching up with friends. Sansa couldn't help but wonder why they were actually here.

  
"We should get some drinks. Catch up with you in a bit," Ramsay said and took Sansa's hand and led her to the kitchen.

  
He made them each a vodka and soda, Sansa wasn't sure she wanted to drink here in this house but she also didn't want to refuse Ramsay, so she took the drink from him and took a sip. She sputtered a bit, "It's very strong." His eyes finally softened a bit. "It'll help you relax," he countered.

  
"Am I that obvious?"

  
"I get it, lots of new people, but seriously try to relax. There's nothing to be scared of, these are my friends, plus I'll protect you from big bad Locke," he teased her and tickled her, she laughed and batted him away.

  
They wandered back out into the other room, a couple of the other girls looked them up and down and whispered to each other. Sansa started hoping they weren't going to stay too long.

  
"We're starting flip cup, guys vs girls, so come on you two, we need Sansa to make it even," Locke called out.

  
"Duty calls," Ramsay said and led Sansa into the other room.

  
It was actually nice to have something to do, it eliminated the awkward standing around and seemed to make everyone more relaxed, even though it did mean she was drinking more than she intended to.

  
After a couple games Ramsay left the room with Locke, telling her he would be right back and promising to bring her a fresh drink. They had all decided to take a break from the game in the meantime.

  
"Sansa, right?" a dark haired girl asked coming over to her.

  
"Yes, you're Myranda?"

  
"That's right, so how long have you and Ramsay been together?"

  
"Only since New Year's, we were friends before that for a few months. Did you know him before he moved?"

  
"You could say that," Myranda said with a smirk. The girl next to her laughed a bit. Sansa got the feeling Myranda might be an ex of Ramsay's, she knew jealousy when she saw it, but she didn't want to ask the girl to confirm her suspicions and give her the satisfaction of thinking she was making her uncomfortable. ‘It doesn’t matter, he’s with you now,’ she reminded herself.

  
"Do you live around here?" Sansa asked instead.

  
"No, a little further away, Fort Dread, bad as it sounds, I'm sure Ramsay has told you about it."

  
"Not much, just that it was super small."

  
The two girls trading a knowing look. Sansa started to wonder where Ramsay might be. Thankfully he and Locke came back at that moment and he handed Sansa a drink and greeted the two other girls.

  
“Myranda. Violet,” he said their names almost as a warning. Sansa felt a sense of satisfaction in that.

  
He turned to Sansa and smiled, "I made it less strong this time.” She thanked him and kissed his cheek and turned back to look at Myranda over the rim of her cup as she took a drink.

  
"I think it's only a tiny bit weaker," she said.

  
"Should we play another round, best 2 out of 3 say?" Locke suggested.

  
"Why not," Myranda said, an air of annoyance in her voice, "might as well kill the time somehow."

  
They played another 2 rounds with the guys winning both, Sansa struggled each time to get the cup to flip, she felt like she was losing coordination with each round.

  
"Your girl looks like she is fading," Locke commented.

  
"Sansa, you can hang in there can't you?" Myranda chirped sweetly. Sansa could tell Myranda was smirking at her, taking pleasure in her distress.

  
"I think I just might need some air, it's kinda stuffy in here," she said. She had a slight feeling of déjà vu. Ramsay put his arm around her. "We'll be right back," he told the others.

  
He guided her out to the front porch and they sat on a swing. "Not sure why but somehow I seem to be getting less of a tolerance for drinking," she sighed.

  
"Maybe the mix of vodka and beer is not being kind to you," he suggested.

  
The air did not make her feel better, in fact she felt like she was getting hotter, her vision was blurring. ‘I should’ve listened to Jeyne,’ she thought. “Ramsay, I hate to ask, but maybe we should go, I think I'm taking a turn. Jeyne said I threw up a lot last time and I’d rather not do it here in front of your friends. God, I’m sorry.”

  
"Wait here," he said and disappeared back inside. She wasn’t sure how long he was gone but it started to feel like hours in her jumbled mind.

  
Sansa leaned her head on her hand, the porch was starting to tilt, she just wanted to lay down, things were getting foggy and her head felt heavy. She pulled out her phone and dialed Jon. It went to voicemail. "So I think I need to give up drinking," she slurred, "God, can you please make the porch stop spinning? When are you coming home? I just really fucking miss you sometimes."

  
She ended the call and looked up to see Ramsay watching her through narrowed eyes. "Who was that?" he asked in a low voice.

  
"No one that matters," she answered as she tried to stand and stumbled forward, falling against him.

  
"I got you. Sansa, come with me," she vaguely heard Ramsay say. He was holding her up but she was struggling to stay standing. She thought she asked him where they were going or maybe if they were going home but she wasn't sure if she spoke the words aloud or not, nothing was making sense now. She thought he said she could go lay down and she suddenly felt grateful, it was all she wanted, desperately; so she let him lead her back in the house. 


	20. Sister Knows Best

Present

  
Sansa woke up slowly. She hadn’t slept that deeply in years and for a moment she was disoriented, but then she realized where she was and thought maybe she was still dreaming. She lay without moving, remembering last night, holding hands as they walked on the beach back to his room, the kiss at the door, laying down on the bed next to each other, Jon kissing her forehead softly and finally drifting off to sleep in his arms. What an amazing feeling to wake up to find herself still securely locked in his embrace, wearing one of his soft t-shirts and boxers.

  
He stirred beneath her, kissed the top of her head and took in a long breath. “Good morning," he exhaled.

  
"Good morning."

  
"Did you get enough sleep? I think you were out less than 30 seconds after we laid down."

  
"I know, I'm sorry, I was just so exhausted."

  
"Don't apologize, just being able to fall asleep with you in my arms is a miracle I never expected."

  
She snuggled in closer at that and smiled. She couldn't recall the last time she was so happy, had felt so safe. He ran his hand absentmindedly up and down her back. She closed her eyes revealing in the feel.

  
"I hate to break the spell, but it's rehearsal day and I have a lot of duties to attend to," he sighed glancing at the clock.

  
"Oh shit! How did I forget?” she cried and sat up, "Have I made you late already?"

  
He chuckled and pulled her back down and kissed her, “It’s a distinct possibility…. so then what's five more minutes?" He kissed her again. “I really don’t want to go. I should tell your brother I’m sick, that I need to stay in bed.”

  
She laughed softly, resting her chin on his chest so she could look up at him. She reached up and pushed back his messy curls from his face. "Don’t you dare.”

  
He smiled ruefully and pushed back her hair as well. He regarded her careful and she could see that concern had crept into his eyes. She knew he was thinking about the things she had yet to share with him, the things that every other night kept her awake.

  
“I know what you’re thinking,” she told him, “And its ok to go, you're the best man after all.”

  
“I know last night took a lot out of you, but I know we have more to discuss. I just wish we had more time now.” Sansa shifted, a pouting quirk tugging at her lips. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to push. I just worry and I don’t want to waste -,”

  
She stretched up to kiss him, to quiet him. She spoke as she pulled back,”Please don’t worry, soon we'll have all the time in the world."

  
—

  
Sansa had spent most of the morning running around the resort doing errands for her mother and for Margaery. It was shocking the amount of small details that seemed to make up a wedding, she could only imagine what they were putting the staff through. Especially now that they had gotten word that a weather system was moving into the area for tomorrow, rain was forecasted for the ceremony, so everyone seemed to be losing their minds. In fact, she had just gotten a text that everyone was to report to Olenna Tyrell’s suite in 45 minutes. Currently she was in her own room waiting on Arya so they could walk over together.

  
She hadn’t mind the errands though, it helped keep her thoughts off the question Jon had posed last night, the things he wanted to discuss this morning. He wanted to know why she'd gone to him the day of the accident. She knew she wanted to tell him, and yet dreaded telling him the whole truth about that day. She wasn’t sure if she felt ready for the pity or rage that was sure to fill his eyes once he knew. And then there was the issue of putting it in words, she'd never spoken of the details in all the years since that day, not even to her therapist, plus there would be so many questions, she wasn't sure if he would understand why she remained quiet. Would he believe she had done it for the family, to protect them and her, to ensure Roose took the settlement? Or would he judge her, find her weak and damaged and determine he'd made a mistake; realize she was actually unworthy of his love.

  
"Earth to Sansa," Arya's voice cut into her thoughts.

  
"What? Sorry."

  
"You know I’ve been standing here for like five minutes. What's your deal today?"

  
"Nothing, just a lot on my mind."

  
"Jon?"

  
Sansa sputtered and gaped at her sister. “What? How’d -,”

  
"We saw you from the balcony going into his room last night."

  
"We?"

  
"Just me and Gendry. So is this a vacation fling or…"

  
"It’s not anything like that,” Sansa interjected. Arya raised an eyebrow in question. Sansa continued, “It’s not. We just talked and fell asleep, nothing more.”

  
“You were holding hands and I saw him kiss you. Are you sure you want to stand by your story?” Arya asked smirking in satisfaction.

  
Sansa couldn’t help but smile a little, damn Arya was good sometimes. “It’s not a fling, we really did just sleep. Honestly I don’t know what it is, it could be nothing.”

  
Arya smiled in triumph. “Well whatever it might be I always knew something was going happen eventually, I mean for as far back as I can remember you have made eyes at Jon. You know, I sorta always thought it was wretched, but being with Gendry made me realize loving someone is never wretched, it's everything. You know you have never looked at any of your other moron boyfriends like you look at Jon, so this has been years in the making….. But I have to ask, I mean, I think you've been avoiding him for the last couple years, but I'm not sure why."

  
"It's complicated. Also, when did you become so perceptive?"

  
"You've been away awhile, I grew up," she answered, her tone was sad, it wasn't a jab, just a statement of fact. She continued on, "As far as it being complicated, well I think you've been avoiding the town in general after what happened, but I also have listened to Robb and Jon talk over the years, you know when they think I'm not listening. Jon has a lot of guilt and he still feels bad for you going to rehab and spending your senior year with Aunt Lysa, he regrets ever telling mom and dad anything. It wasn't hard for me to jump to the conclusion you might not want to see him, that you probably blame him. But when I saw you together last night I thought maybe you heard him out and if you can forgive Jon, well maybe you can come home more?” she finished with a hopefully look.

  
"Arya…"

  
"I know you think I didn't care you were gone, but I've missed you and we're getting older and you are my sister, and I love you. Also, there are things I don't want to ask mom, so it might help if you were around more, that's all I'm saying."

  
Arya’s words made Sansa smile. "You're right,” she agreed.

  
"I am?"

  
"This trip made me realize I was wrong to stay away, and I'm sorry I have missed so much time with you and Bran and Rickon. I'm going to do better, regardless of what happens with Jon."

  
Arya pulled her into a hug. "I'm so glad to hear it. I want you to be happy and if it's with Jon great, but if it's not, well I'm happy to know you'll be around more, I am going to hold you to this."

  
They hugged again, Sansa felt hopefully for the relationship they could forge in the future. She suddenly felt a laugh escape her lips.

  
"What was that for?" Arya asked her as they broke apart.

  
"Something you said. Am I really that transparent? Were my feelings for Jon really that obvious?" Sansa asked.

  
"Do you mean as a teenager or now?" Arya teased her.


	21. I’ve Been a Fool and I’ve been Blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m not updating as fast and furiously as I have been. It was back to work today, boo. But I’m thinking I’ll still have this story completely finished and posted before the end of the year.

Past

Sansa groaned and rolled over, she groggily opened her eyes and felt a wave of panic sweep over her. The room she found herself in seemed familiar but she also had no idea where she was or how she had gotten there. The last thing she recalled was being with Ramsay on the porch of his friend's house.

"Yeah, so not a fan of this shit," she heard Jeyne's angry voice from behind her and turned quickly to face her.

Her head swam and a wave of nausea swept over her. “Bad idea," she moaned and laid back down. "Also, good morning to you too. How did I get here?"

Jeyne ignored her question and her clearly hung-over state. "Is this your thing now?" Jeyne demanded, her voice contained a serious edge that Sansa had never been on the receiving end of.

"My thing?" Sansa repeated confused.

"Yeah, your thing, where you get seriously shit faced drunk and need me to take care of you?"

"What are you talking about? I don't even understand why I’m here. I was with Ramsay and his friends last night,” Sansa countered meekly.

"Oh yeah, about that, well Prince Charming, in all his chivalry, dropped you off to me at like 4am. Not a fan of that either, if he's gonna get you that wasted then he needs to take care of your ass."

"Why are you so mad? There’s been times in the past where you’ve drank too much and I’ve helped you. Remember Labor Day when we were 15; when Theon bought moonshine off, I don’t know, a drifter? We’ve always taken care of each other."

"That’s not the same, that’s not like this. The past two times you have been drunk it's been next level Sansa, it's way over the top, it's actually kinda scaring me. This just isn’t like you. Yeah we drink, but these don’t seem to be cases of misjudged potency or you’re trying to impress Theon. Its like you're getting super wasted to just be wasted. Is something going on? Is everything ok?”

"I’m fine, nothing’s wrong. I don't know, I haven't done it on purpose, it's just ended up that way….. Wait, so Ramsay just dropped me off here?"

"In a manner of speaking, he called me on your phone and basically said he was down the block and I needed to come out and get you, said you were a mess so he couldn't take you home and there was no way he could take you to his house because his dad would freak. He didn't even help me get you inside, but he was right, you were a mess. Your makeup was all smeared, you’d thrown up on your shirt, ripped your skirt, both of which I threw out, because well, vomit smells; it wasn’t pretty.” Sansa looked down and realized she was wearing Jeyne’s clothes and flushed with embarrassment. Jeyne went on, “You've been asleep for like 10 hours. What the hell were you two doing?"

"We went to see some of his old friends, we were playing flip cup, the last thing I recall was sitting on the porch and feeling drunk and shitty, now I'm here talking to you."

"Well you need to figure something out because this cannot be healthy and I don't want to play clean up every time there is a party. Do you know how disgusting it is to change someone out of a vomit covered shirt and not get it in their hair? Thank god you wore a braid last night.”

"I really have not been trying to get wasted," Sansa said quietly. She felt mortified to think how she must’ve looked to both Jeyne and Ramsay.

"Well either way I'd lay off if I was you, clearly your body doesn't want to hang anymore. Also seriously uncool of Ramsay to basically just toss you in my yard. You know when I tried to tell him I wasn't sure I wanted to get involved he made some comment about me being more than happy to interfere the last time. Sansa, I just…"

"Jeyne, I'm sure he was just tired and worried, I mean he did have to drive me back, I’m sure that wasn’t pleasant. Also what was he supposed to do? Clearly he couldn't take me home, and Roose is so strict about his interactions with me, there was no way he could take me home with him," Sansa interrupted her to defend him.

"Maybe you're right but he seemed… I just, I don't know, the more I get to know him the less I am impressed, I guess I'll leave it at that for now, but you should think about it. And I'm just gonna say this and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you stayed with Joffrey even after he revealed himself to be a total shit, I just don't want to see you make that mistake again."

"Ramsay is not Joffrey!"

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean he's right for you either. Like I said maybe just think about it," Jeyne concluded.

Sansa sighed and stared up at the ceiling, Ramsay was not Joffrey, but did Jeyne have a point anyways?

xxxx

Jeyne was less than impressed to find out Ramsay had sent Sansa one simple text to confirm she was alright, and that had not been until Sunday night.

"What if you had alcohol poisoning? I mean for all he knew you could've been in the hospital," Jeyne said as they sat at lunch on Monday.

"I’m sure someone would’ve told him if I’d ended up in ICU. Will you stop with the smear campaign on my boyfriend?" Sansa retorted.

"Speak of the devil," Jeyne muttered under her breath as she saw Ramsay head towards them. Sansa gave her a pointed look.

"Ladies," he greeted them and dropped a kiss on the crown of Sansa's head and sat down.

"Hey there. How was the rest of your weekend?" Sansa asked.

"Fine. I just wanted to thank Jeyne for helping us out the other night."

"Well I'd do anything for Sansa," Jeyne said, with emphasis on the word Sansa. Sansa swore she saw Ramsay's jaw tick ever so slightly.

"Well you are a good friend for that," Ramsay said measuredly.

"So this party, who were these friends of yours anyways? Sansa mentioned they were older.”

"Old co workers from a summer job a couple years back."

"Oh yeah? What was the job? What’d you do? And which town was that?"

Sansa could feel the tension building between the two of them, if she wasn't sure about the jaw tick before she definitely could see it now. Jeyne's eyes were set and determined as well. Sansa knew no good would come from this. She didn’t like her best friend and boyfriend being at odds.

"They weren’t all older but they were all very nice, totally relaxed and welcoming," Sansa interjected trying to ease the tension.

Ramsay stared at Jeyne a few beats longer and then turned his gaze to Sansa. His look was odd, menace tinged with amusement. “You forgot understanding,” he added.

Sansa flashed to Jeyne’s description of her from that night and she suddenly felt ashamed. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, if I made a scene, a mess.”

Jeyne looked down at her food but Sansa knew her well enough to know she was annoyed.

“Don’t worry about it, they’ve seen worse I’m sure. Hey I gotta get going, I'll call you later," he said standing up. "Thanks again Jeyne." And with that he turned and left them.

“Has he apologized for his behavior?” Jeyne asked when she was sure he was out of earshot.

"He’s not the one that messed up here. So don’t be so rude to him," Sansa warned. "You know it wasn't that long ago you thought I should start sleeping with him."

"Well that was before he let you get wasted and left you on my doorstep. Be careful with him, I'm serious."

"Ok mom. Don't worry, I’ll be fine," Sansa assured her as she got up from the table, "I'm going to head to class, I'll see you in chem."


	22. Don’t Run, Just Stop Holding Your Tongue

Present

  
"Money solves everything," Olenna Tyrell announced as she hung up the phone. The Starks, Tyrells and the wedding party were gathered in Olenna's suite.

  
"Oh Grandmother, are you serious?" Margaery asked, a hopefully look on her face.

  
"Yes my dear girl, it's handled," Olenna answered her, "I promised it would be a sunset beach wedding, and come hell or high water there will be a sunset in those damn pictures."

  
Sansa's parents exchanged looks. "And how should we tell everyone exactly? What about travel plans?" her father asked.

  
"That's what the hotel staff is for, they can make the calls, and of course we will announce it at the dinner tonight, it's only one more day, everyone will just have to drown their frustrations in whatever fruity concoction and rum they can find, and you know no one was rushing to get out of here the morning after the original date," Olenna said waving off his concerns. "I’ll make sure they'll be well fed tonight and I'll throw in some extra wine, we'll see everyone at 7."

  
Theon, Jon and Sansa stood together in the corner. "Have you ever heard of anyone rescheduling a wedding due to rain?" Jon whispered.

  
"No, but then I've never been to a wedding where the bride's family is obscenely rich. What was Robb's thoughts on this?" she whispered back.

  
Jon smiled at her amused, "He's towing the company line, says whatever makes his bride happy."

  
"I guess he knows more about being a husband than I would've thought," Theon whispered to them.

  
They all laughed, her parents looked at them and her mother gave her a look that showed she clearly was not amused. They all shuffled uncomfortably under Cat's gaze.

  
"So I guess we have a free night after the dinner," Theon stated once Cat had stopped staring at them.

  
"I'm tired," Jon said at the same time Sansa said, "I need to get to bed early."

  
"Fine, be lame," Theon huffed, "I'm gonna go see if Jeyne might be more entertaining."

  
Most of the people in the room had started dispersing. They headed for the door and entered the courtyard. When they were alone Sansa turned to Jon, "So are you really tired?"

  
"Not at all but I figured it was better to keep my night clear as opposed to getting roped into something with Theon. I’m hoping I might have better options available."

  
"Oh?" she said innocently.

  
His face became serious, "I think this might be a good night for us to talk, since we don't have to worry about being up early for the wedding."

  
Sansa shifted uncomfortably, she had not yet decided if she was ready to tell Jon everything but he seemed ready to hear it.

  
He seemed to read her expression, "I’m sorry to keep pushing you. I know I said I’d wait but I need to know. If we are really going to make a go at this I think we need to have all the cards on the table."

  
"What if it changes things?” she asked.

  
“Nothing you can say is going to change how I feel,” he assured her. She looked skeptical and nervous. He took her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “You didn’t speak to me for like two years and yet here I am. That should count for something.”

  
“Can I think about it?"

  
"Absolutely, but don't be scared Sansa. I’m telling you, nothing you can say is going to scare me off."

  
She looked at him and let out a long breath, she wished she could be as sure of that as he was.

  
xxxx

  
Sansa groaned, she struggled to open her eyes, to breathe. The air felt warm and heavy, the smell of smoke and gasoline hung in the air. She finally forced her eyes open, the car was on its side, twisted and broken, glass covered everything, her head hurt, her leg hurt, she raised her hand to her face and felt something warm and sticky, she pulled her hand back and it was covered in a dark substance. "Blood," her brain slowly registered.

  
She finally looked to the passenger's side, her eyes falling on Ramsay. She couldn't tell if he was breathing or not, he was covered in blood, his arm twisted in a grotesque manner. "Ramsay," she called out, "Ramsay."

  
She waited for a response but there was nothing. She looked away from him, looking around and surveying the damage. She felt a chill run up her spine and looked over at him again, meeting his eyes which were now open and boring into hers. His face was covered in blood, his mouth in a hideous leering smile. He looked triumphant, even as blood poured from his mouth. He started to cough which caused him to spray blood on her.

  
"Not quite as planned," he murmured, "Don't suppose you can get us out of here." She stared at him as he began to cough again, his eyes transfixed on her, he kept smiling, smirking at her with his bloody mouth. It sent another wave of chills down her spine. A loud pop drew her attention away from him, she saw a tiny flame over the twisted dashboard.

  
"Though I imagine you plan to leave me here,” he added, he seemed to almost be laughing. She said nothing and started to pull on the door handle, but it was not giving. The flames were growing larger. "It doesn't matter if you do, I'm a part of you now, I'll always be a part of you." He started laughing louder, more and more blood pouring from his mouth. Sansa felt her desperation growing, she starting pulling at the door more frantically and it was getting harder to breathe in the car. She could hear the fire, hear the popping, it mingled with Ramsay's laughter, the blood on his face black in the shadows cast by the fire. "There's no escape. I told you, I'm a part of you now," his words ringing out over the sound of the fire that was racing towards them.

  
There was a burst of light to her left, "Hold on!" she thought she heard a voice call. She wasn't sure if it was real or imagined. She couldn't see, there was a sound of shattering glass….

  
Sansa woke with a start, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was soaked in sweat, the sheets were twisted around her. She should've expected the dream would come back now that she had been thinking about the accident so much, though in all honesty she still did not know if it was a dream or in fact a fragmented memory, and there was no way she would ever know. She lay focused on her breathing, reminding herself she was in a safe place.

  
Her heart rate and breathing fought to return to normal, she glanced at the clock, it was 5pm, she still had plenty of time before dinner. She sighed, so much for a refreshing nap. She rolled over, repeating in her mind, "I am Sansa Stark, you cannot frighten me, I am not afraid, you are not a part of me," until she felt calm enough to get up and prepare for dinner.

  
xxxx

  
She sat at the table sipping her second glass of wine, she hoped it would calm her nerves, though the looks her mother occasionally tossed her were not helping.

  
"You seem a million miles from here," Robb said coming to sit beside her.

  
"Just some things on my mind, but don't be concerned. Are you ok with this postponement?" she deflected.

  
"It's only one day and you learn quickly that when Olenna makes her mind up about something it's best to just go along," he replied.

  
"But weren't you looking forward to being married and moving forward with your life?"

  
"Like I said it's only one day, what's that against the rest of your life? Is there something you want to talk about? Arya mentioned you two talked some earlier today?" he looked at her tentatively.

  
Sansa's heart sped up, had Arya told him about her and Jon, she wasn't ready for this, would Robb even be ok with it? She knew she should tell him but she wanted to wait until after his wedding, until after she’d told Jon the truth, until after she was certain there was something to tell.

  
"I told her I plan to be around more going forward.” She waited on his response.

  
Robb smiled, "It means a lot to me that my wedding is bringing the family back together, that's really why I don't care about a one day delay, because I am getting a wife, but I'm also getting my sister back."

  
Sansa smiled at Robb, relieved and hugged him, "I'm glad to be back, I'm so grateful for everything this trip has done for me, for the family."

  
Jon walked over to them then. "Do you think you'll be needing anything more tonight Mr. Tyrell, I mean Stark," Jon smirked.

  
"My best friend is hysterical," Robb said to Sansa. "I think I'll be all set tonight, but try to stay on call just in case."

  
Robb stood up and shook Jon's hand, he kissed Sansa on the forehead and wished them goodnight.

  
"So….." Jon said. He was looking around, waves of nervous energy pulsed off him.

  
"Maybe we can go for a walk? I’m trying but I can't promise you I can give you what you want tonight," she said not meeting his eyes.

  
"Just being near you is what I want. I know what I said earlier but the rest can come when you're ready."

  
She looked at him then and saw the sincerity in his eyes. She stood up and they headed towards the door. They had almost made it when Cat caught up to them.

  
"Sansa, sweetheart, your father and I were hoping to have a word with you before you turn in for the night," she said.

  
"About what?" She really just wanted to be alone with Jon, she had been working up the nerve to discuss the past with him all day and while she was not sure if she would go through with it she knew an argument with her parents would likely bring on an emotional shutdown. "Are you sure it can't wait till tomorrow?"

  
"Are you in a hurry to get somewhere?" Cat asked and was eyeing Jon suspiciously. Cat never seemed to have an issue with Jon before so Sansa found it odd she was being so cold towards him now.

  
"No, Jon and I were just going to walk down to the beach," Sansa said evenly.

  
"It won't take long, but I don't want to keep you Jon; Ned and I can walk Sansa back to her room after."

  
"I don't mind waiting," Jon replied.

  
"Don't be silly, I'm sure you can always catch up with Theon or maybe Loras and his friend," Cat said waving him off.

  
Jon and Sansa exchanged a look, she nodded slightly that it was alright, clearly Cat was not planning to leave her be.

  
"Well you all know where to find me if you need anything. Have a good night," he said giving Sansa a knowing look before he turned away from them and walked out the door.

  
Sansa followed Cat back across the room and into a small office off the main dining room.

  
"So what couldn't wait? Where's dad?"

  
"I wanted to talk to you, just me."

  
"Then why did you say dad needed me as well?"

  
"I thought you would only agree if you thought your father would also be here. I know we don't exactly communicate the best, you and I."

  
"Is this about the second glass of wine tonight? Mom you have to stop obsessing about everything I drink, I have been perfectly behaved this whole trip," Sansa sighed.

  
"That is a concern to me but it's not why I wanted to talk to you. Is there something going on with you and Jon?"

  
Sansa gaped at her mother, how could she have any idea?

  
"Something going on? What do you mean?"

  
"Well I was in the restroom and overheard some of Margaery's friends commenting about Jon, apparently they all think he is rather good looking." Sansa couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes at her mother. “Anyways, one of them told the other it was pointless because they had it on good authority that Marg was working to put him together with her new sister in law, and it seems unlikely they meant Arya.”

  
"I’m not saying that it’s true but would that be so terrible? I thought you always liked Jon?"

  
"He's been a true and loyal friend to your brother, yes, I don't dislike him, but I'm not sure he'd be the best match for you."

  
Sansa scoffed at her mother and shook her head in disbelief. “Why is that mother? Because he doesn't have Tyrell money, or a name that carries enough weight in the society pages? Are you serious right now?"

  
"Sansa," her mother began.

  
"No, mom, I'm not saying there is anything happening with Jon, but if there was I would be lucky. Jon is a good friend to Robb because he is a good person, in fact maybe he’s even too good for me. You thought Joffrey was a good match and he was horrible, he treated me horribly; you had no objections to Ramsay and he was terrible as well. All you care about is money and status, those shouldn't matter."

  
Her mother just looked at her for a long moment. "I will admit Joffrey was a mistake," she said after some time, "But you shouldn't speak ill of Ramsay, not after what happened."

  
"You don't have any idea what really happened, and if you did you won't be so quick to defend him," Sansa shot back.

  
"Don't speak ill of the dead Sansa," her mother warned, "and regardless, this isn't a conversation about the past. This is about what is appropriate for your future."

  
"What's appropriate for my future is what I decide. I'm not a child anymore and you don't even know what you speak of. You know what I finally realized? I'm done with your judgments, of suppressing myself so that I can live up to your standards. Furthermore I’m done with this conversation. Have a good night mom." She did not wait for Cat to respond. She opened the door and left with her mother staring after her.

  
She headed in the direction of Jon's room, she hoped he would be there. She felt emboldened, brave, she’d never stood up for herself like that before and it gave her such a sense of satisfaction to no longer be concerned with someone else’s perception of her. ‘Maybe I am brave enough to stare down the past,’ she thought to herself.

  
She kept walking for a couple more minutes before she saw him up ahead on the path. It warmed her heart that he had made an attempt to wait for her.

  
"Jon! Jon!" she called out.

  
He stopped and turned, a smile crossing his face. He stood waiting for her to catch up to him.

  
"Everything ok with your parents?" he asked as she drew up along side him.

  
"Fine, nothing to even waste another moment on. I've made up my mind though, I want to tell you everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it’s about to hit the fan, but I’m doing a bigger rewrite on the next couple chapters then I originally intended but there were just some new things that came to me that I think will improve the story. But I promise I’ll do my best to be as timely as possible. Thanks for reading!


	23. There’s Nothing Here For You Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sneaking this in on lunch.....

Past

Sansa had laid low the following weekend. At school Jeyne and Ramsay seemed to avoid each other, which to Sansa was just as well, she saw no need for them to antagonize each other and increase the tension. Ramsay for his part had seemed slightly disinterested in any discussion about that night, which at first she had been grateful for. But as the days passed it started to nag at her. Maybe it was Jeyne’s continued barbed comments or maybe it was just her own curiosity, but now she hated having such a large blank space in her memory, it ate at her. It had been nearly two weeks since the incident. Ramsay had come over to her house for dinner and after dinner they decided to walk to the park. Her mother requested they try to not be gone more than an hour, it still gets dark rather early she had reminded them. Sansa could tell her mother would have far preferred they stayed in the house watching movies with her younger siblings, where she could keep an eye on them. As far as Cat was concerned she liked Ramsay, he was polite and his family seemed well enough off, but she had also raised three teenage boys, yes she often thought of Jon and Theon as her sons, so she knew all about male hormones at that age. The thought they might be directed at her teenage daughter did not sit well with her.

They walked to the park, the temperature had fallen with the sunset but it wasn’t too terrible, it was almost April after all. Sansa felt nervous and flustered, she wanted to know about that night but she didn’t want to start a fight either. In some ways she had been thankful he had been so forgiving about it and had not throwing it in her face like Joffrey would’ve done, but the blank space kept pulling at her and the pull had not diminished with time, she decided she needed to know.

“Have you talked to Locke recently?” she asked lightly.

Ramsay stopped short causing Sansa to stop as well and turn to where he stood slightly behind her. He looked at her carefully, like he was trying to decipher a puzzle. “Why?” he asked. Her question seemed to have put him on edge.

“No reason, just wondering if he still speaks to you after what happened.”

“So, you’re starting to remember then?” he seemed tense, energy humming off him suddenly, like a wire pulled too tight.

“No and that’s really the problem.” Her answer seemed to let all of the tension out of him and he visibly relaxed. He reached out his hand and she took it; they started to walk again. He wasn’t saying anything further, she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye trying to gauge where his head might be at now.

“Are you asking me to tell you?” he finally asked as they entered park and started to walk on the path that lead to the playground.

“Yes. I think I should know. I hate not knowing.”

“I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

“You won’t. You’ve actually been very sweet about the whole thing, but I really need to know. And anyways if I get upset it should only be with myself, it was my actions after all.”

“Ok, but you know they say ignorance is bliss,” he warned in a warm voice.

They had reached the playground and sat on the swings side by side. “Where do you want me to start?” he asked.

“From the porch, that is the last thing I remember.”

“So I had asked Locke if there was somewhere you could lay down while I sobered up enough to drive you home safely. He told me I could take you upstairs to one of the bedrooms. So I got you from the porch and took you upstairs and put you in one of the rooms. You were out of it completely by the time I got you on the bed, I figured it was going to be a while before you’d wake back up. Honestly at that point I thought we might just stay the night there. It made sense, I wanted to see my friends and you were out cold and no one was expecting you till morning.

Anyways I went back downstairs. Admittedly I drank another beer or two, I just figured we weren’t going to be going anywhere soon, not with how out you were. Well a couple hours passed, I was in the living room with Locke and Myranda, a couple others. I imagine you had put it together Myranda and I use to date.” He said it slightly smugly, like he was proud of having an ex-girlfriend that still clearly liked him. Sansa flushed, a pang of jealousy bloomed in her chest.

An amused smile pulled at Ramsay’s mouth and he reached out and cupped her cheek. “You shouldn’t be concerned, there’s a reason she’s an ex after all.” She flushed a bit deeper but gave him a nod.

“Anyways I guess I should’ve checked on you sooner. I imagine you woke up alone and scared at some point and got upset. I’m not totally sure what all had happened but you had awoken and had managed to make it down stairs. You came in the living, you were clearly distressed, crying and yelling at me. You were pretty pissed I had abandoned you, as you saw it, and even more pissed I was with Myranda. You actually lunged at her and I had to pull you away, that was how your clothes got ripped.

I took you outside but you had made yourself hysterical to the point that you threw up. So I took you to the car and drove you to Jeyne’s. Thankfully you calmed down on the way home. I know she thinks I was trying to pawn you off but honestly I wasn’t sure what to do. I clearly couldn’t take you home. Roose would skin me alive if I brought you to my house in that state. I figured she was the best bet and truthfully I was a bit pissed at you. I guess she sensed that.” Ramsay finished the story and was watching her for her reaction.

Sansa felt so small at that moment. She could scarcely believe the person in the story was her. She was not an angry drunk, she wasn’t a fighter; she just couldn’t picture herself behaving like that. But then she had never been one to get black out drunk either. Maybe she didn’t know herself as well as she thought.

“I’m really sorry,” she murmured looking down at her feet as she toed the rocks.

“I warned you it might be better not to know.”

She looked up at him, he face had ‘I told you so’ written all over it. She wanted to be mad at him for it but she realized she had been the one to push it.

“No, I know…… this is better. At least now I can explain it to Jeyne and stop this nonsense between you two.”

“If that’s what you want,” he said dismissively.

They sat in silence for a bit while she processed all he had told her. She felt like a fool. Jeyne had been right, she had to get control of herself. She also realized she needed to be a better girlfriend, she felt she owed him that for embarrassing them in front of his friends.

She looked up as he came to stand over her, his hands on the chains of either side of her. He looked down on her, his face shadowed from the dim lighting in the park.

“Don’t beat yourself up, we all do stupid things when we drink. I actually sort of enjoyed seeing you so territorial over me. Who knew you cared so much,” he joked.

His words pulled a small laugh from her. He pushed back on the swing until he was leaning forward and it raised her up enough that they were face to face. He was giving her a small smile and waiting on her to respond.

“Thanks for being so understanding about it,” she said and gave him a small kiss. “If you haven’t already please apologize to everyone for me.”

“Don’t give it another thought, to them it’s like it never even happened.”

XXXXXX

A few days later Sansa had the chance to tell Jeyne about her discussion with Ramsay. She explained why he had been the way he had that night and asked Jeyne to forgive him. Sansa also let her know that she was going to listen to her advice and calm down for a while. Over the next few of weeks, other than the after party for the spring formal, at which she limited herself to three beers, she had not attended any other parties and had not drank.

Jeyne took note of the change and finally decided to warm a bit towards Ramsay. Sansa appreciated the effort even though she still sensed an undercurrent of skepticism. Any indifference Sansa had felt towards Ramsay right after the incident had faded. If anything she felt more determined to build something with him. She did continue to have one small source of guilt, which was that Jon and Ygritte's constant social media presence might have factored in to her decision as well, though she would never admit that if asked.

Spring Break was now here and the rest of the Starks were planning to use the week to go visit Robb for a couple days and then trek out to some cabin. Sansa was going to stay home since she had a community service commitment that was required for graduation next year and she had no intention of spending her senior year spring break on it. She was disappointed that she won't get to see Robb but the fact she would have the house to herself for a few days, which in a large family that never happened, did soften the blow. She and Jeyne had even planned a girls' night for the end of the week when Jeyne returned from her grandmother's.

Ramsay had been excited when she had told him that she would be all alone for the week but then tensions had risen when she explained Cat and Ned had been firm about him, well any boy, not being allowed to come to the house if no one else was there. She had apologized but told him she planned to follow their rules. He had made a comment about her being a prude and a rule follower, how she was always chasing mommy and daddy’s approval. It had been one of their first fights in some time.

They had made up soon after though and had made plans to spend the day together the first Saturday of the break. Her parents were leaving that morning as well.

He had told her he had some things to take care of with the dogs that morning so she had driven to his house to meet him. She actually thought it was safer anyways, the last thing she wanted was to chance him crossing paths with her parents as they left.

"You're early," Roose Bolton greeted her coldly as he opened the front door, "Or the boy is running late."

"Hello Mr. Bolton," she responded, "I suppose it could be a bit of both."

Ramsay's father always intimidated her, he never seemed pleased to see her in his home; today was no exception. He studied her carefully. "I guess you can go up and wait in his room, leave the door open please," he told her and turned and left the entry way.

Sansa climbed the stairs and made her way into Ramsay's room, she called out to him and he answered that he was just about to get in the shower but he would hurry. Sansa sat at his desk and looked out the window, spring finally seemed like it was here to stay and the sun was out today, it made her smile. Ramsay's phone flashed an alert that caught Sansa's eye, it stated that he had a text from Locke, the partial text she could see un-nerved her. She could still hear the shower running so she picked up the phone and traced the same unlock pattern she had seen him trace into it numerous times. She went to messages and opened the conversation with Locke, above his response was a link to a video that Ramsay had sent. Sansa made sure the volume was turned down and clicked on the link, the video began to play; it took her a couple moments to realize what she was watching. She felt all the blood drain from her face and her stomach begin to turn. She wasn't sure if she would cry or throw up first, she nearly dropped the phone.

She heard the water shut off then so she exited the video and then worked to forward the link to herself. It was a struggle as her hands trembled and her eyes were blurring with tears. The link seemed to be taking forever to send. She exited the message app, turned off the phone and set it back on the desk just as the bathroom door opened.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Ramsay apologized and then took in the look on Sansa's face. "Are you alright? You're very pale."

Sansa took a deep breath trying to steady her voice before she answered him, she needed to get out of here, away from him but she didn’t dare let him to know why.

"Sansa?" he said coming forward.

Her phone chimed just then and she grabbed for it, desperate for any excuse to not look at him.

"It's my mother, I have to go home, she needs to talk to me before they leave," she said quickly.

Ramsay looked at her, his eyes narrowing, regarding her intently. "I thought you said they were leaving first thing this morning?"

"They got hung up, flight delays or something, they were still home when I left to come here. Typical for my mother, never needs anything from me when it's convenient," she said trying to sound light.

"Well do you want me to go with you, we can head out after you talk to her."

"No, no, don't do that," Sansa cried. She realized she said it with too much force, too quickly. “I just mean, I don’t think it’d be good for you to be there when they are leaving, you know with their rules and all.”

Ramsay cocked his head slightly, his expression measured, she wasn’t sure if he believed her. She wondered if he was listening to the sound of her heart hammering in her chest. They stood looking at each other for another minute and then he finally seem to accept her explanation.

"Alright then, so should I wait around for you or am I free to make other plans today?" he asked, a harsh edge had crept into his voice.

"I’m sorry to break the date but since I am not sure what she wants exactly I think it's best I just call you later, maybe we can go tomorrow instead?"

"If that's what you'd prefer."

"I'm sorry, but you know how parents can be. Especially mine.”

"Indeed."

She grabbed her purse, forced herself to kiss his cheek and walked downstairs. Roose was in the doorway of the living room watching her descend.

“I thought you two were going out?”

“Change of plans, I’m needed at home,” she answered him trying to make her way to the door, she wanted to run but forced herself to walk.

“So my son has not upset you?”

Sansa froze and forced herself to stop and smile at him. “Of course not. I’m fine, just skipped breakfast is all,” she responded. Her blood felt like it was freezing to sludge in her veins. She needed to get away from the Boltons. Roose never talked to her like this, why today of all days did he suddenly take an interest. “Why would you ask that?” Curiosity had won out, the words left her mouth before she could stop them.

“Because you look a bit rattled my dear,” he answered. “How long have you two been together now?”

Sansa didn’t respond.

“It’s been what, three, four months,” he continued. It was almost if he was no longer speaking to her. “That’s very interesting.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Bolton, I really do need to be going,” she said and continued to the door.  
“Of course, take care Sansa. Drive safe,” he said and watched her go.

She closed the door behind her and made her way to her car. She was thankfully she didn’t drop her keys. She was scared they might be watching her from the windows now.

She started the car and drove a few blocks before pulling to the curb. She picked up her phone praying she’d somehow been mistaken. She clicked on the link she had sent herself, this time listening to the audio.

When the video finished she opened her car door and vomited into the gutter. Her parents’ flight had just taken off, Jeyne was on a flight to her grandmother's; the only person that would likely be reachable, that she could imagine trusting at this moment was Jon. She hated to go to him with this, but she knew he would help her, or at the very least protect her until she could reach her parents.

With her mind made up she put the car in drive and headed north.

xxxx

She walked down the hall of his dorm, her hands shaking, she wished she had called first but then she hadn't known what to say, or if she could even get the words out. No, best to just see him, even if I can't get the words out I can show him and he will know how to help me, Jon always knows how to help me, she told herself.

She stopped in front of his door. There was a dry erase board hanging on the door with Jon and Sam's names listed across the top, underneath it said "Today we're the Day's Watch, back after the game." Sansa had no idea what that meant. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door praying he would answer.

She heard a thud and then cursing behind the door, it sounded female. She glanced again at the sign on the door as it swung inward. A red headed girl in a t-shirt and shorts stood before her glaring at her. Sansa recognized her as Ygritte from the photos online.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"I'm looking for Jon, Jon Snow," Sansa answered in a shaking voice.

"He ain't here," the girl answered studying her intently, "What do you want with him? Class notes or something? It's a fucking Saturday."

"No, no, I'm, he's friends with my brother, I just, well I need," Sansa sputtered and stuttered, she was not prepared for such hostility or even thought she might encounter Ygritte, she was sure she was about to break.

"You're Sam's sister then? You look nothing like him," Ygritte said softening a bit, "They’re at work, didn't your thick brother tell you?"

"No, not Sam, Robb, they went to high school together, I'm Sansa Stark," she corrected the other girl softly.

Ygritte's eyes instantly hardened, "Sansa? Ah yes, not sure how I didn’t recognize you. So what do you want? Clearly Jon is not expecting you."

"I know, yes, it’s unexpected, I just need to see him, it's important," Sansa said, her heart was pounding, she wasn't sure how much more she could take today.

"He's at work, security for some event, should be back this afternoon, come back then." Ygritte moved to close the door.

"Will you at least tell him I'm here, that I need to see him?" Sansa pleaded, she didn't want to wait in Jon's room with this awful girl but she wasn't sure where she should go while she waited either.

"Yeah, fine, but don't be weird and wait in the hall, go get a coffee or eat something, you look like death," Ygritte sighed and then closed the door on Sansa.

Sansa choked back tears and made her way out of the dorm, she didn't want to have the other girl come out and see her crying. She took out her phone and realized the battery was dangerously low, the GPS apparently had zapped it more than she would’ve hoped. She typed out a text to Jon, "I'm on campus, need to see you, battery’s low, I’ll come by at 3.” She sent it and then added, "I need your help Jon, desperately, please be there." She waited for a response for a few minutes. Nothing came. She wondered if his job might keep him from answering. She sighed and turned off the phone to conserve the battery. She looked around and saw a sign that said student union and decided to go get a warm drink while she waited.

xxxx

Ygritte leaned against the door trying to steady her breath. Jon had told her about Sansa before, she knew he cared about her deeply, hell he whispered her name in his sleep sometimes, but Ygritte had never imagined she would be so beautiful. There was no way she could compete with her, she was beautiful and Jon's first love, even if he never had called her that. She knew the girl called Jon at all hours, it was clear she was still hung up on him. So why was she here, what could she possibly want? She knew Jon wouldn’t deny her help, he certainly would be the one to save a damsel in distress, especially that damsel.

Ygritte heard a chime and looked up. Jon's phone sat on his end table flashing. Ygritte rolled her eyes, he had a bad habit of forgetting his phone when he was running late, as he had been this morning. She picked it up and pressed the home button and saw the text from Sansa. She was not about to allow this other girl to suck Jon into whatever mess she clearly had gotten herself in to. "Sorry girl, get your own knight," she muttered to herself and pressed delete. She flipped to the settings and updated the contact to ignore, reminding herself she needed to make sure to change it back tomorrow.

xxxx

Sansa had managed to kill a couple of hours in the student union, it was now nearly three; she figured Jon had to be back from work by now. She turned her phone on and tried to call him but it went straight to a recording that said he was unavailable and could not accept messages. She turned the phone back off. She hated going back to his room and encountering Ygritte again, but maybe she'd get lucky and his roommate would be back, from what she had heard of Sam he seemed the type that would help her, or at the least let her wait there if Jon was not there.

She made her way back to the dorm and then down the hall. As she headed in the direction of Jon's room she passed several other people snickering and whispering to each other. As she got closer she heard muffled cries and groans.

She stood in front of Jon's room, it was clear where the noises were coming from. A sock hung on the door handle, the message on the dry erase board now read, "Busy, go away."

  
Sansa stood frozen, humiliation washing over her. Had she really misjudged him so much, he had always said if she needed him he'd be there. Yet here she was begging for him to help and he hadn’t even bothered to respond, worse he seemed to be sending her a clear message that he didn’t care at all. She felt like she was dying, and he was in there fucking that horrible girl. How could this be happening?

She slammed her hands against the door and kicked it, the dry erase board clattered to the ground. The noise inside stopped. She could not face him, not now, not when she stood at the edge of complete collapse. She turned and ran down the hall, tears streaming down her face as she fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you have a couple answers, at least on what happened with Jon that day. This so far is my most rewritten chapter from the original, hopefully it added some depth and filled in a couple plot holes. Good and bad news, well depending on how you see it, is the next chapter will be the last one set in the past ;)


	24. Will You Rail Against Your Dying Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this type of chapter always makes me nervous..... I won't say enjoy because, well you'll see.

Past

She had cried in her car for at least thirty minutes before she had pulled herself together enough to drive back south. She decided she would just hold up in the house and call her parents in the morning; she hated to ruin their trip but she needed them and there was no way she could wait for them to return. Additionally, she also knew she was already on borrowed time, Ramsay would expect her to call him tomorrow; she couldn’t help but wonder if he might already be trying to reach her. At this point she wasn’t sure if her dead phone was a blessing or a curse. She wished she had not acted so odd when she left his house earlier.

She pulled into her driveway, the house was dark. She sat there for a few minutes; she was exhausted from all the driving and everything that had happened since the morning. She told herself she would lock the doors, take a bath and go to bed; she would deal with everything tomorrow. She didn’t think it was possible but she grew even more weary as she climbed out of the car knowing when she woke tomorrow the world was going to explode.

She unlocked the door and let herself in, she turned to hit the code into the alarm and was surprised to find it unarmed. She couldn't recall if she had armed it before she left for Ramsay's this morning; that seemed like a lifetime ago. She was starving from the drive and so she made her way into the kitchen and flipped on the light. And there stood Ramsay, his back to the kitchen island, his eyes on fire.

"Sit down!" he commanded.

His presence and the harshness in his voice startled her, she dropped her purse and keys while letting out a frightened yelp. There was no denying it, he knew she knew, she had to get away from him. She turned to run but he was faster, closing the distance, he grabbed her by her hair and shoulder, pulling her backwards and slamming her to the floor.

"This will go easier if you do as you're told," he hissed as he looked down at her, his hand digging into her shoulder.

"Ramsay, please, you're hurting me. Why are you here? What's wrong?" she pleaded, "I don't understand what's going on."

He laughed at her then, it was hollow and cold, it chilled her to the bone.

"I think it's time we start being honest with each other, don't you? What's a relationship without honesty after all?"

He pulled her up and sat her in a chair at the kitchen table. He let out a sharp whistle and two large dogs entered from the open patio door. They growled at her and sat between her and the exits.

He took in her terrified face and he seemed to soften, a mask of normality slipping over his feature. "Don’t worry, they'll won’t hurt you unless I command it."

"Are you going to command it?"

"I think that is going to depend on how the next hour or so goes. But first let's relax, have a drink." He picked up a bottle of vodka that had been sitting on the counter, he poured a shot and set it in front of her. "Drink it," he commanded.

"I don't want it."

"I recommended you don't make me ask again, now drink it."

She stared at him, her jaw set, "No."

Her head snapped back as he struck her. "Drink the fucking shot!" he roared as the mask fell away. His eyes were wild now and he raised his hand again and waited. She picked it up, hands shaking and downed it, it burned and caused her eyes to water. He poured another one and drank it himself, his eyes never leaving her. He poured yet another and thrust it in her hand, "Again."

"Ramsay," she started crying.

"Sansa please, don't make this harder on both of us." His voice was suddenly deathly calm, like he might be reasoning with a child, but he whistled then and the dog nearest to her growled and took a step forward. She picked up the drink and downed it, gagging she set the glass back on the table.

"You know you should've erased the text you sent to yourself. I was quite shocked you’d be so careless. That was your first mistake."

"My first mistake was ever getting involved with you," she spat at him.

He ignored her jab. "You know it’s rude to violate other people's privacy, go through their phones."

"You are going to lecture me about violating someone?!"

"I take it you watched your video. Did you see the others as well?"

"Others?" Sansa whispered, horrified and confused. She felt sick, and not just from the vodka.

"Don't fuck around with me, how many of the other videos did you see? Did you copy any of those?" He had picked up her purse and was pulling out her phone. He looked up at her and seemed to take in her confusion. "Ah, you thought you were special, the only one; well sorry to shatter your sense of self importance." He pulled out the sim card and broke it, then he smashed the phone and put it all back in her purse.

"Why did you do it?” she asked. He said nothing and just smirked at her as if she had asked a stupid question. “You drugged me, and that wasn't the first time."

He ignored her question and responded instead to her accusation. "There won’t have needed to be a second time if that bitch friend of yours hadn’t interfered." He poured another shot and set it in front of her.

"Are you planning to drug me again?"

"No, I want you to remember it this time, to feel it, to really respond.” There was such a menacing gleam in his eye, such excitement that Sansa had to look away. He pushed the shot towards her and continued on, “Maybe if you’re lucky this will help dull the pain.”

"This time?" She couldn’t hide the terror and fear in her voice.

"Don’t pretend to be stupid now. You know what I want, what's about to happen."

Sansa felt bile rise in her throat, she hated him, but she refused to just lay down and die. "Drink the shot Sansa," he said, his voice had that odd calmness again.

She let out a jagged breath and gave a slight head shake and knocked the glass over. Ramsay let out a loud sigh rich in frustration, he rolled his eyes and back handed her with such force she fell to the floor, and then he was upon her, he held her nose and as she gasp he poured the bottle of vodka in her mouth. She choked and coughed, the vodka burning, stealing her ability to breathe. He finally stopped and released her. He sat back in the chair looking down at her as she turned on her side, sputtering and attempting to regain her breath.

"Enough of your stalling," he muttered. He pulled her up from the floor and bent her over the table. He flipped her skirt up and she heard his zipper. "Don't, don't," she sobbed. “Don’t do this.” She tried to turn, to kick, to scratch, anything to stop him. She tried her hardest to fight him, but all it seemed to accomplish was to anger him. In a rage he grabbed her by the hair and smacked her head into the table with enough force to make her teeth rattle. Everything went dark for a moment, she felt her knees buckle and she almost slid down off the table. "Hey, wake up," he snapped. “I told you, this time I want you to know.” He re-positioned her over the table so it was holding her up. His right hand encircled her neck, his thumb running up and down her wind pipe. She had the terrible realization that he could choke her to death right here and now if he wanted to.

He leaned forward, his breath hot on her face. "If it helps you can think of Jon, just like always," he breathed in her ear, causing her to sob harder. With that he tore her panties to the side and shoved himself inside her. Sansa cried out and began to sob in pain. His left hand now bit into her hip as he held her tightly, driving her into the table. The pressure on her neck was unbearable, the feeling of him moving inside her made her want to vomit. She tried to leave her body, to block out the sensation. She could see Ramsay's dog studying her, its head leaning to one side, judging her and her inability to fight him off. She switched her focus instead to the curtain blowing in the open patio door. She focused on the way it billowed in the slight breeze, moving into the room and then back out the door, slowly, like a graceful dancer. She continued to try her best to ignore the way the edge of table bit into her thighs each time he thrust into her, the way her face was being ground into the table, or how he was breathing heavily, grunting with his efforts. So she just kept staring at the curtain and prayed for it to end.

It seemed like time had stop, she wasn't sure if he had finished quickly or if it had gone on for some time, but she finally felt him shutter, pull out and spill himself across her backside. He was breathing hard and collapsed in to the chair behind them. She didn't move other than to reach back and push her skirt back down to cover herself. She felt light headed, whether from the trauma or the vodka she wasn't sure.

“That was so much better than the first time,” he sighed. He sounded satisfied and pleased.

Sansa pushed back from the table the slightest bit and threw up. Ramsay let out the slightest groan, a mixture of exasperation and disgust. She heard him moving behind her and then realized he was wiping up her mess.

"I knew you were weak the moment I met you," he scoffed at her as he finished wiping away the last of her sickness.

Sansa said nothing, she had stopped crying and lowered herself to the floor. She knew based on his words that he had no intention of just keeping his assault physical.

Ramsay took a long pull from the vodka bottle and thrust it at her, "Drink." She took a long swallow, nothing mattered anymore, she was shattered, she didn't even choke this time; if the vodka burned her body didn't register it.

"You aren’t going to ask why I think that? Perhaps we think the same. Do you consider yourself weak Sansa?” he asked staring down at her. She said nothing and did not meet his eyes. “The first time I saw you was when those guys attacked you, and when the school did nothing you didn't fight back, your parents didn't fight back. That told me all I needed to know about you."

She didn’t want to hear him talk about her anymore. "How many others were there?" she finally whispered.

"A few, only a couple made any real trouble though, but father paid them off; it's pathetic what poor people will allow for money. That's why we had to move though, father said if we stuck around they might talk, or ask for more money. That's why he hated you so, he knew your family didn't need money; there would be no buying the Starks off when I ‘gave in to my nature.’ I couldn't exactly tell him not worry, that I had accessed you; that I knew you were weak, that you won't make trouble. Though after today maybe I misjudged you."

"Why the videos? That seems rather risky, even arrogant."

He scoffed and narrowed his eyes at her. She thought he might hit her again but he resisted. "Perhaps, but I liked to relive the moment, and it’s a bit of a game. Locke and I even trade them. You should be thanking me actually." That caused Sansa to look up at him in disbelief. "What?" she said in a choked sob.

"He wanted to have a turn with you that night, but I told him no. I don’t actually like to share the real thing. I have to say I was shocked to find you were a virgin though. I had always assumed you'd let Jon have a go at you before he left for school."

"You're jealous of him."

"You know you always looked at me like you were disappointed I wasn't him, and I really didn't appreciate that you called him the first time we went out." He seemed to register her shock. "Do you think I didn't take note of everything you did? You fucking called him nearly every time you got the slightest bit tipsy. You thought I didn't notice you were always slinking off to call him, saying his name when you got the slightest bit scared? You were pathetic, longing after your brother's friend, he doesn't even want you and I doubt he'd want you now, not after this, not after what you've let me do to you. Drink."

She took another pull of the vodka and set the bottle to the side. He picked it up and put it on the table.

"Get up," he ordered. She didn't move, he reached down and grabbed her by the upper arms and hauled her to her feet. He pushed her from the kitchen and up the stairs. She tried to resist him but found she had no strength. The dogs trailed them, whiny and snapping. He pushed her in the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"Clean up and make it quick," he directed. She looked at the shower and looked at him. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not leaving you alone in here. Now clean up. I’ll tell you now if the choice is between you undressing yourself or making me…..”

Sansa relented before he could finish. She turned her back to him, fresh tears on her cheeks and striped. She wound her hair up and stepped into the shower and quickly rinsed off. He watched her the entire time, amusement, lust and power playing across his face.

She stepped out and grabbed at the towel to cover herself. He sneered a bit and then grabbed her arm and pushed her on to her room.

"Let's go get you some new clothes, we are going for a ride." She stumbled, the vodka had clearly taken hold of her now. She put on clothes and looked around, she was hoping there was a way to escape. She knew that if she left this house with him she was unlikely to return alive. He had said it himself, she could not be bought off, what other option did that leave him?

They made their way back downstairs, back into the kitchen. "Take this," he said and thrust a small pill towards her.

"You said you won't drug me again."

"That was for earlier, we need to take a ride and you need to take this." He dropped the pill in her hand and held out the vodka to her.

She shook her head. He sighed in disguise and whistled, they dogs charged to her, snapping and barking.

"Make your choice."

She stared at him with all the hate she could muster and placed it in her mouth, it dissolved before she could spit it out as she planned, it was bitter on her tongue. He rolled his eyes at her, "Have it your way."

He picked up her keys and her purse. "Let's go."

He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the front door. They made it outside and headed towards her car. She wanted to run but she knew he would let the dogs at her and the vodka had already made her slow.

They reached the car and she entered through the passenger's door. She sat down and went to pull the door closed. "Ah, ah, no, you're driving."

"What? I can't drive, you've assured that."

"We aren't going far, get it together," he snapped and shoved her over. She stumbled over the console and slid into the driver's seat. He stuck the key in the ignition and started the car.

"Drive."

xxxxx

They headed east, out of town towards Wolfswood State Forest. Sansa gripped the wheel tightly, her knuckles white, she was using all of her energy to keep the car on the road.

"What if I promise to not tell anyone?" She didn't want to plead for her life, not to him, but she had little choice, she didn't want to die.

"And why would I trust you. You’ve clearly shown that I can’t, what with sending that video to yourself."

"What does that matter? You deleted it, I have nothing to support my claim even if I made one, but I won't, I swear it."

"You would turn me in as soon as you could, evidence or not, and once the news got wind of it all those other girls would start turning up. No, there is no other option now."

"Ramsay," she began. “Didn’t you care for me at all? Maybe we can fix this.” She was desperate now, she would try or say anything if it meant she might survive this. It was getting harder to see straight. Whatever he had given her had started to take effect. She needed to find a way to stop the car, maybe then she stood a chance.

He laughed, it was dry and brittle. "Please, save it, you can't appeal to my love for you or whatever it was you were going to try and do. Yes, I wanted you, to possess you, to humiliate you, nothing more. As Roose would tell you, I'm quite incapable of love." He laughed again, Sansa found no humor in his words.

He seemed to notice she had let the car slow down. "Speed up," he ordered.

"There's a curve ahead," she countered.

"I'm aware," he seemed unconcerned.

Sansa glanced at him, he seemed completely unhinged now, muttering or praying to himself, she wasn't sure which, she couldn't make out any of the words.

They passed the sign warning about the sharp curve ahead, suddenly Ramsay slid towards her, his foot stomped down on hers on the gas; he was laughing maniacally as the car lurched forward. Sansa screamed trying to hit the brake with her other foot. Ramsay punched her, her head smacked the window. He grabbed the wheel then, jerking it hard to the right just as the curve began. The last thing Sansa heard was her screams mingling with Ramsay's laughter and the sound of shattering glass, twisting metal. And then everything went black.


	25. There Will Come a Time, You'll See, With No More Tears

Present

"You know the rest from there. By the time someone found us the car had started on fire, Ramsay died at the scene, I was basically in a coma for the next few days. By the time I woke up everyone had already decided I was guilty of killing him, the tests confirmed I was under the influence after all. My parents were prepared to make a settlement with Roose," Sansa concluded. “And then I was sent away.”

They stared at each other as she finished her story. She was sitting at the end of the bed in Jon's room, he across from her in a chair. She was no longer crying, in fact she hadn’t been since she had started to describe the rape. Not surprisingly something in that moment, as she shared that memory, had shattered within her. Jon had seen it and it had killed him, he had almost begged her to stop, but he had forced himself to let her finish, he knew he had a duty to share her pain. And so he had sat and listened and felt sickened and enraged. But now he could no longer take it, he fell to his knees in front of her and reached for her.

"Don't," she cautioned him. His hands froze in midair, he looked at her and let his arms fall to his side. His body was now ridged with restraint, he flexed his fingers; they seemed distressed not to touch her. She wished she could let him comfort her but in that moment she couldn't stand the thought of being touched, she felt flayed, her flesh stripped away, every nerve exposed.

"If he wasn't dead I'd kill him," he told her.

"I know."

He was still on his knees as he made her the following vow, "Sansa, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't there, that I couldn't… that I didn't protect you. I'll never let that happen again, I swear it, but I'll protect you from now on."

"No one can protect anyone Jon." With that she rose from the bed and walked towards the patio, she opened the doors and took a deep breath.

He rose to his feet. He didn't know what to do or how to respond to that, she seemed so broken, so far away from him now. He was furious, to the point he was shaking. He hated Ramsay, he was furious with Ygritte, but mostly he was angry with himself, for failing her and then breaking her trust when she needed him most. Why hadn’t he waited to talk to her? He realized the truth of it was that even if he had there was a chance he won’t have believed her then. He thought she was happy with Ramsay, that he had been her choice. In his mind she had spent a year being petty and jealous towards him, playing games and drinking too much, being a bratty rich girl. It had been easier then, to think of her like that, because it had let him move forward. He had been devastated when Robb had called him early that morning, his voice raw with fear and hoarse from crying, and had told him what they knew and that she might die. The entire drive south he had cursed himself for dismissing her calls, for thinking of them as merely childish tantrums, he wondered then if they had been cries for help. In fact, he remembered in one of her calls she had told him she needed to stop drinking. So when he had seen Ned and Catelyn in the hospital, their devastation and confusion, he had told them all he knew. It had been his intention and wish that the information would help Sansa as well as ease their pain, but now he clearly saw he had been wrong.

"I sometimes wonder if he meant die," she said suddenly, her voice breaking into his thoughts. She had turned back towards him.

"What? Why?"

"Because he was so arrogant, it just doesn’t seem like something he would do. I can’t imagine he would want to die with me or because of me. I would think he’d have considered that beneath him. No, I think he meant to run us into the largest tree, the one at the end of curve, head on. If we’d gone straight and he’d only pulled slightly my side would’ve taken most of the impact. But we fought and he jerked the wheel so hard that we went into the area where the trees jutted out to the right. We hit those before we were able to make the head on impact that would've likely killed me. I don't know….."

He didn't want to add to her pain and yet he didn’t understand why she was thinking about Ramsay’s intentions now, furthermore why had she not spoken up then? In his confusion the words had left his mouth before he could think better of it. "He deserved to die, for what he did to you, for what he tried to do to you. So why protect him? I don’t understand…. why haven't….. why didn't you tell anyone the truth?"

She reeled back at his words like he had slapped her, his heart shattered, this was going all wrong. She turned and walked to the edge of the balcony and stared out towards the dark sky, her back to him.

"I didn't mean….. Sansa I'm not judging you, I just want to understand. Please come back inside." He went to reach for her and stopped himself.

She half turned towards him, the moonlight catching on the fresh tears that slid down her cheeks. Jon inhaled sharply, he hated that he had wounded her so; why was he getting this so wrong? She whipped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffing back a sob and looked at him. His lips parted to say something, anything that might undo the damage he'd done, but she spoke first.

"Well at first I was shocked, shocked he was actually dead, shocked at what happened. For a moment I wondered if I had had another blackout, if it was actually my fault." She walked back into the room as she spoke but kept her distance from him. "Then it all came back to me, the accident, what happened right before… I was 16! I was scared and ashamed and broken. And hell by the time I woke up I had already been judged guilty, no one seemed concern with my version by then anyways….

The next day my parents explained that you had told them about my drinking problem which they confirmed with Jeyne. They looked so sad and so guilty that they hadn't seen it, that they didn't help me before. But my mother, I could tell she was so furious, so disappointed….. Suddenly, I became terrified that if I told them what happened they won't believe me anyways. I convinced myself that everyone would think I was trying to make excuses or trying to spare them or something like that, and the thought, I couldn't bear it, I knew it would break me completely, I'd never recover from that, I knew it. Then they told me that they had offered to pay Mr Bolton a lot of money and he had agreed to talk to the DA, who he was friends with, on my behalf. Since Ramsay also had alcohol in his system they were sure I could get probation after rehab, the other option might be detention or even prison.

So then I was scared that if I told them the truth and they did believe me they would call off the deal and they would fight it, fight for me, and then what? A trial? Being dragged through the press? My life picked apart and sensationalized? And who would believe me really? The public is terrible and…… I'd just be some rich spoiled girl, and Ramsay was dead, everyone would say I was lying and he couldn't defend himself; that I was just trying to save myself...

But then it set in that I had killed someone, maybe he deserved it…… but I had been driving and everyone was telling me it was my fault and I started to believe it. I had let it happen after all, maybe I pushed him. I wondered if he had a point, that I had always made him he less than, a disappointment; that I made him snap. So, if it was my fault, then maybe I owed a debt for that, so I decided I would accept the rehab and the exile to Lysa's because maybe that was what I deserved. I wasn't in a good place, not with all that had happened…. But when you’re in the middle of it, well things don’t always make sense. I know now that I was wrong, but at the time….

Anyways, when I was away I had a lot of time to think, I grew bitter and angry, with my parents, with you, with anyone that hadn't even bothered to ask for my side; eventually, I decided none of you deserved the truth, not then, not ever. So I shoved it all away, worked on making a separate life, worked to leave everyone - leave it all behind me…."

She was looking at him fully now, he got the sense that she was pulling away from him again, her walls were going back up. The thought was making it hard for him to breath. The room felt small, the air heavy with regret and anger.

"I'm so sorry I failed you, I never meant for all of this to happen, for you to feel like this. Not then, not now."

They stood looking at each other for what seemed like hours, the silence stretching between them.

Sansa broke the silence first. "I'm broken, you understand that right? I'm broken and I'm not sure I'll ever be whole, and if you want me, want to be with me, well I fear I may never be enough for you because I'm just so damaged," her voice trembled as she spoke, her eyes cast down to his feet.

He could take it no longer, he stepped towards her, slow but deliberately. "I'm going to touch you now," he whispered softly, though his tone offered no room for rejection. He pulled her into his arms, she resisted him at first, struggling to pull away. He released her and brought his hands up to the sides of her face, saying her name like a prayer.

She stopped struggling and their eyes locked, hers blue, roiling like the sea before a storm, full of hurt and pain, his gray, like summer rain clouds, calm and mournful. She collapsed into him then and began to sob into his shoulder. He held her, unsure of what to say, if it even mattered what he said. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He lay her down and then lay beside her drawing her against him. He had no words, anything he thought to say seemed cliché or did not reflect the depth of what he felt. So instead he said nothing and stroked her cheek, her hair, her back and held her as she cried. When she finally stopped crying they lay side by side facing each other.

"I owe you a million apologies, but also I want to thank you," he whispered.

She let out a stilted bark of laugher that rang with disbelief, "What for?"

"For deciding I was finally worthy of the truth."

xxxxxx

They had fallen asleep facing each other and had woken early when the sun started to stream in through the patio doors. Sansa didn't wish to rehash most of what they discussed last night and Jon felt thankful, he was having a hard time processing it as it was, he could not believe she had lived with it for all these years. She felt relieved to finally have said the words out loud, to no longer be alone in bearing the weight of the truth but she made it clear to him that she was not ready for her family to know the truth, not yet. That left him feeling torn, it felt good to be the one she trusted, but it was also a terrible burden to bear.

He was grateful they at least had the morning to hide out in his room and try to process all that had happened. Jon ordered room service so they could eat breakfast and stay in the protection of his room as long as possible. He wished more than once he could stop time or block the world out so that they could have as long as they needed to put everything right.

Robb called in the early afternoon, he needed Jon, and so with great reluctance he and Sansa separated. He promised he would try to get back to her as soon as possible but she assured him she would be ok and he needed to focus on her brother, at least for the next 36 hours, but she also wanted some space to think on her own.

She made her way down to the beach, walking along the shore for some time, watching the dark clouds that were building in, threatening the forecasted rain that Olenna Tyrell had feared. She was reflecting on last night and how she felt this morning. During breakfast with Jon there had been a lot of silence and long pauses, Jon had seemed unsure what to say to her. She worried that now in the light of day he might feel differently about her but she couldn't bring herself to ask him. It has hurt to open all her old wounds, to strip herself so bare before him but the more she thought about it now the more she realized she didn't want to let those things define her anymore. She had let that night, had let Ramsay, continue to steal things from her in the last three years, and watching Jon over pancakes this morning made her realize what a waste it had been. Now she knew it was time to take the power back, admitting the truth had been a big first step in that process.

She spotted Jeyne and Theon from a distance. She hung back trying to determine if she was ready to put the mask back on, to pretend it was all ok again. However while she weighed her options she saw Theon stand, give Jeyne a quick kiss and head in the other direction. She knew continuing to rebuild her relationship with Jeyne was important, it was a step forward and admittedly she was now completely intrigued at what exactly was going on over there.

"Hey," Jeyne greeted her brightly then looked at Sansa with concern, "You look drained, are you ok? Did you not sleep well?"

"Was that Theon? And was that a kiss?" Sansa deflected.

Jeyne blushed and giggled. "You saw that?"

"Spill," Sansa commanded.

xxxx

Jon had texted her as she had returned from the beach to apologize and let her know he won't be able to get back to her tonight, apparently Robb really wanted them to have one final guys' night, though Jon promised her it would be low key, a bourbon and cigars sort of night, no dance clubs. She told him it was fine and to enjoy the night. As much as she wanted to be with him she had no desire to steal away her brother's best friend/best man from him the night before his wedding, and it had made her smile to think of the three musketeers having one last night together before they started embarking on the next phases of their lives. She allowed herself a moment of indulgence, day dreaming that everyone might be together again if she married Jon or if Jeyne married Theon, well if their hookup from last night became something more than just a hookup...

She had been able to avoid dealing with most of the emotional fallout of last night for much of the day. But now sitting alone in her room, rain lashing at the windows, the doubts had started to creep in, she could hear Ramsay's voice in her head, a voice she had worked so hard at blocking out in the last year, " _He didn't even want you. I doubt he'd want you now, not after I've had you..._ " She found her own voice starting to chime in, " _You're broken, damaged. Are you sure you are what he wants? What he deserves?"_

She looked at herself in the mirror, she did look drawn and tired, she sighed, she couldn't look like this for the wedding tomorrow, her mother would be relentless, probably try to blame Jon even. She had avoided her mother all day, she was processing too much as it was, so making peace with Cat had not been high on her list of priorities. The rain was relentless and a perfect excuse to not leave her room. So she cancelled her dinner plans and decided to make it an early night so she could get plenty of sleep. She just prayed her mind would cooperate with the plan.

XXXXXXX

She had the dream again last night and had awoken in the dark choking on her own tears. She had wanted to call Jon but she resisted, she did manage to calm herself enough to be able to fall back asleep for a couple more hours. She now awoke to light streaming through the French doors, the room was bright and she sat up quickly. She looked at the clock, she had overslept. She suddenly realized there was someone banging on the bedroom door.

"SANSA! Mom sent me to fetch you, you're late for family brunch!" she heard Arya cry out.

She jumped out of bed and flung open the door. Arya's eyes widened at the sight of her still in her pajamas, her hair a tangled mess.

"Mom is going to kill you," Arya stated.

"You need to stall for me, I'll get there as soon as I can, tell her Margaery needed a quick favor, she can't be upset with that."

Arya sighed and rolled her eyes, "Ok, I'll do my best, but you better hurry like hell."

"Thanks Arya," she said. She gave her a quick hug and raced off to the shower.

xxxxxx

She had managed to shower, dress and toss on some makeup in about 20 minutes. She was grateful that she would have some time after brunch to get ready for real. She had worried about taking the time to get ready but she knew showing up fresh out of bed would've brought too much scorn from her mother.

She walked into her parents’ suite catching the tail end of the conversation. "So the three of you were together all night?" she heard Cat ask.

"Yes mother, don't worry, Theon's only mildly hung-over, we'll all be fine for the ceremony, that's why naps were invented," Robb answered her with a laugh.

Sansa rolled her eyes to herself, she knew why her mother was asking, she wanted confirmation Jon had not been with Sansa. She took a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face and entered the dining room. She was greeted by a suspicious look from her mother who glanced at her watch and then at Sansa.

"Finally we can eat!" Rickon cried.

Sansa slid into her place at the table with a mumbled apology.

"Margaery all settled?" Cat asked eyeing her.

"Yes, she's good now," Sansa answered.

"And what was it exactly that was so urgent?"

Sansa swallowed, her mind trying to speed up to respond. She opened her mouth to attempt a lame excuse.

"Oh mom, you know how brides are, and Margaery is like next level intense," Arya interrupted.

"Hey now," Robb interjected with a smile, "that is my almost wife you are talking about."

"Well she is, but I think that's why I love her," Arya responded.

"We all love Margaery," Ned stated, "despite her intensity, as you call it. I'm just blessed to have lived long enough to see you so happy."

"She does make me extremely happy. I say we toast to that," Robb said and lifted his juice glass.

They all toasted, Cat looked at Sansa but made no further attempt to question her. She could feel the chill in the air between her and her mother, she'd expected it given how they had left things the other day, but today was Robb's day and there was no way she would let anything interfere with that.


	26. Didn't They Say That Only Love Will Win in the End

The ceremony had been beautiful, and just as Olenna had demanded and paid for, the setting sun was captured in the background framing the happy couple. A couple of times during the vows Sansa had been able to catch Jon's eyes and they had exchanged small smiles.

At dinner she had worked to focus on her brother's happiness and push the nightmare she had had last night to the furthest edges of her mind, but in the quiet moments, when she wasn't talking to someone or focused on something outside of herself she could hear the hiss of Ramsay's words playing in her head, her own voice mingling in trying to cast it’s doubts. She had eventually excused herself to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and told the voices to be quiet, it seemed for the moment to have worked.

Dinner had finished up and the dancing had begun. Robb and Margaery had looked amazing during their first dance, a choreographed quick step to “I Choose You” by Sara Bareilles. Jon had slid into the seat next to her and Arya near the end of the song and whispered that he was pretty sure he and Theon knew all the steps to it as well. Apparently a portion of last night's "guys’ night in" had included Robb forcing them to help him rehearse this very dance. The girls had stifled their laughs in order not to disrupt the spectacle.

As the dance ended everyone applauded and the DJ encouraged everyone to join them in the next dance. "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron began to play. Arya looked at Jon and then gave Sansa a playful look before she headed to the dance floor with Gendry. The looks had not been lost on Jon. “She knows?” he asked simply, his tone did not betray if this pleased or worried him.

“And approves,” Sansa said shyly trying to encourage him.

“Then shall we?” he asked and held out his hand. This seemed like a declaration in some way, people, most importantly her mother and Robb, would see them dancing together. Sansa felt a flutter of nerves but decided to ignore it and took his hand. She didn’t want to tell Jon that the first time she had heard this song she had thought of him. He led her to the dance floor and they began to dance. He held her close but not too close. They didn’t say much, but now Jon seemed nervous. At least Sansa hoped it was nerves and not regret or something worse. Ramsay’s voice started to hiss in her ear again. She moved herself closer to Jon in an attempt to block Ramsay’s voice and was pleased when he allowed it and held her tighter.

The song ended and Jon thanked her for the dance and then said he needed to get ready for his speech. She watched him go and then turned to see that Robb had been watching them. He had the oddest expression, a mixture of intrigued, perplexed and pleased all at the same time. Sansa gave him the tiniest of smiles and then hurried from the dance floor as a fast song started to play.

After a couple more fast songs the reception moved on to the toasts. Margaery's bridesmaids were giving a group toast, it was giggly and silly, mooning over Robb's good looks and good nature and how it was destiny that he would be the one to tame their wild friend.

Now it was Jon's turn, he took the microphone from one of the bridesmaids; he looked more nervous than when they had danced and Sansa's heart went out to him. He caught her eye for a moment and she smiled and nodded to him in encouragement.

"Well I don't think I'll be able to top the laughs in that toast, but then anyone that knows me, well you know I'm far too brooding for comedy anyways," he began. Theon and a few others that knew Jon well laughed. Someone in the back of the room coughed.

"Right, then," he sighed. "It's a lot of pressure giving the best man toast, but there is no one I would rather do it for than you Robb. But I struggled as I prepared this toast, do I try to be funny, do I tell stories from our childhood and somehow make it relate to your destiny with Margaery, do I give profound advice? I worked on my toast for weeks, writing and rehearsing so it'd be perfect. But now as I stand here I realize I'm going to say none of it. Instead I'm just going to say what's in my heart, because there are some things I want to, no, need to, say. So here it goes."

"Weddings are amazing, this one especially, but we all know it's the foundation of the love between two people that's really the important thing. And honestly it's almost a miracle that two people can find each other in this world, fall in love and make that love last. It seems like the world works against love in so many ways. So when you are blessed to find it you should hold it tightly, treasure it, don't fight it. I regret that I learned that a little late. So make sure to tell each other I love you every day, don't let the words go unspoken when it's the truth in your heart.

Know life is going to make it hard sometimes, you're going to make mistakes, you are going to mess up and sometimes you might even hurt each other, but you should also know that you will always be enough for each other, there's nothing that can happen, no amount of damage can be done that could ever make you less than deserving in the eyes of someone that loves you. You will always be enough.

There was a book my mom read once and there was a line she always remembered and would say to me when I messed up and was feeling low, 'You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.' Though I think I disagree, because in my experience when you love someone they are always perfect in your eyes, no matter what.

So if I tell you I love you more, I don't mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most."

Jon's eyes had locked Sansa's, she felt like they were the only two people in the room. She knew she was crying. He took a breath and Sansa looked around, she could see others openly wiping away tears, Jon's words having touched them. She saw Robb smile at Margaery and wipe a tear from her cheek and kiss her forehead.

He continued, "When you decide to love someone you are saying, 'I want you. All of you. Your flaws. Your mistakes. Your imperfections. I want you, and only you.’ You should know that’s what’s in my heart.”

Jon took another breath then and seemed to realize there were in fact other people in the room and flushed a bit. “So my dear friend, his beautiful wife, know you have captured one of the great miracles of life. I wish you nothing but joy and happiness." Jon finished, "Raise your glass to Robb and Margaery, long may you love."

"Long may you love!" the room rang out. Everyone toasted, Sansa wiped the tears from her cheeks. Jon looked at her over the top of his glass before turning to hug both Robb and Margaery. She noticed Cat looking back and forth between her and Jon and actually smile softly at her daughter as she wiped a few of her own tears. She could read her mother's lips, she simply said "I'm sorry." Sansa smiled back and gave her a slight nod before turning her gaze back to Jon.

Some of the guest had made their way over to him to compliment him on his heartfelt speech. Sansa felt her heart swell but then suddenly felt overwhelmed. She rose and slipped out the side of the hall to regain her composure. She stood along the side of the building, breathing in the salty air, watching the moon play over the waves.

"Sansa," her mother spoke as she appeared beside her.

She turned and looked at her mother but did not say a word, she noticed that Cat's features were the softest she had seen them since the accident.

"I owe you an apology about the other night, I clearly do not understand everything that has gone on, is going on, with you and Jon, but his words just now…. well I was wrong to try and stop it."

"You were," Sansa said, her words harsh but her tone soft.

"I would like to understand, to have you explain it all to me at some point, when you're ready."

Sansa smiled at her mother then, it was the first olive branch she could ever remember Cat offering her. Sansa nodded at her, "When I'm ready, yes."

"I miss you, your father misses you, I do hope you'll come home more. If Jon can give you back to us I would forever be in his debt."

"I would like that mom, for us to get along, for me to be around more. I have a lot to tell you if you're actually ready to listen. I mean clearly not tonight, or even on this trip, but I'd like to work towards that. I want to be around for Arya and Bran and Rickon a lot more going forward."

Cat stepped forward and hugged her. "I would like that too sweet girl."

They pulled apart. "I need to get back in, are you coming?" Cat asked.

"I need a few more minutes, there's a lot to process," Sansa responded.

"Ok, take whatever time you need." Cat kissed her forehead and turned and went back inside. Sansa felt overwhelmed again, she had never imagined that Jon's words could be the start of healing the rift with her mother. It was just one more thing to be thankful for.

xxxxx

Sansa and Jon had not been able to steal another moment together for the remainder of the reception. They had been pulled in opposite directions, trapped by duty and other guests, but they looked at each other across the room often and they understood that they would be together as soon as the party ended.

Margaery had approached her at one point, looping her arm through Sansa's and beaming at her. "Sister!" she exclaimed. Sansa smiled back at her.

"You might be the most beautiful bride I've ever seen," Sansa told her.

"Oh pish posh," Margaery laughed dismissively, though her smile told Sansa she was pleased with the words. "More importantly how do you plan to thank Jon for his declaration of love?"

Sansa blushed, "What do you mean? That was his toast for you, why would I thank him for that?"

"Do not be coy with me, not now that we are truly sisters. Words like that deserve a proper thank you, a night of passion. I mean a girl does not get a speech like that every day, hell they are lucky if they get it once in their life."

"Are you upset he used his toast to basically make a declaration of love to me?"

"So you finally admit it! And of course I'm not upset. It made for spectacular theater. But seriously Sansa, make sure he knows you appreciate the words, and his bravery for saying them. There aren't many men like Jon Snow, don't blow a second chance at happiness. You deserve to be happy."

Sansa turned and looked at Margaery then. "Robb told you about the accident didn't he?"

"I knew a few things about it before, but yes he told me more of the details yesterday. What's in the past is the past, don't let it dictate your future. Jon made it clear he loves you no matter what, seize the chance at the brass ring," Margaery told her, "and that fine ass." She winked at Sansa after that, pulling a laugh from her.

The hugged after that and parted. Sansa watched her go smiling to herself and then turned to find Robb standing behind her. Her smile faded as she took in his serious expression.

“So you and Jon?” he questioned.

She felt at a loss for words. “Robb –,” she began, she hadn’t really planned for him to find out this way.

“Sansa, relax,” he interrupted giving her a mischievous smile. “I think I always suspected, and honestly I’m happy. He’s probably the only guy I would ever see as good enough for you.”

Sansa let out a sigh and broke into a smile and gave Robb a hug.

“And not that I imagine it will ever happen, but if he doesn’t make you happy for even one second, well best friend or not, I can still beat his ass for you if needed,” he added.

Sansa laughed, “I’ll let you tell him that.”

XXXXX

The party finally wound down. Robb and Margaery made their grand exit, running off down the path under a tunnel of sparklers. Jon was across from her, a couple people down, and he caught her eye as the sparklers burned down, he smiled nervously. She smiled back.

Once the tunnel broke apart they made their way to each other. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," Jon blurted out, "but I had so much to say and I thought this was the best, maybe the only way you would listen, that you would know I truly meant it. Was I wrong?" He had a anxious look in his grey eyes.

Sansa leaned in and kiss him, gently at first and then it became more pressing, more hungry. "You took a big gamble Jon Snow, but you weren't wrong."

A look of relief washed over him, the clouds cleared from his eyes and smiled at her and then looked up to the moon.

"Do you have anywhere to be in the morning?" she asked softly.

"No, why?"

"You made me a promise a long time ago, I'd like to give you the opportunity to fulfill it now."

Confusion passed over Jon's face and he raised an eyebrow. She took his hand in hers, their fingers interlaced. "Don't worry, I'll show you. You'll remember soon enough," she said and led him down the path in the direction of his room.

xxxxxx

They entered Jon's room and he closed the door. As he turned around Sansa caught him and kissed him hard, he backed up and they fell against the door.

"Sansa," he breathed when they finally separated. His eyes were darker, she could see the desire he was working to control.

"The speech was beautiful Jon, you meant it? Am I really enough for you, even with everything that's happened, even though Rams….."

He placed a finger to her lips, "I don't want his name said here, he doesn't belong here with us, not tonight. And I meant every word, you are enough, you have always been enough. I was stupid at 18, I guess I couldn't believe it could be that easy, that you could love someone so much at that age and it be the right person, why would fate be so sweet? I made a mistake fighting it, I'll always regret that, and I'm sorry you paid the price for it. Can you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Forgive me." He held her face in his hands, his eyes pleading with her, searching for absolution. She truly felt there was nothing to forgive him for anymore, they had been young, time and circumstances had caused them pain, but she didn't blame him for that now and she had already forgiven him for the things she had once been so angry with him for.

"Say you forgive me," he said again.

"Ok, ok, I forgive you," she said with a soft laugh.

His lips crashed unto hers, her words had dissolved whatever restraint he had built up. They stumbled back towards the bed. She pushed his tux jacket off and tore at the buttons of his shirt, he fumbled with the zipper on the back of her dress. Her hair had come loose and was now in the way, he was pulling it a bit as he blindly fought with the zipper. She had managed to unbutton his shirt but with his arms around her she couldn't push it off. She started to laugh as she fumbled with the overly complicated belt buckle. He went to bring his arms back to assist her and snagged a cufflink in the lace on the back of her dress, he started to laugh as well against her lips.

They stopped kissing, they foreheads meeting as they laughed.

“Can nothing be easy?” she laughed.

"Maybe we need to try this a different way?" he sighed.

"It would appear.”

"Maybe turn around so I can get my wrist loose?"

She kissed his lips quickly and slowly turned. She swept her hair forward over her shoulder to expose her back to him. He untangled the cufflink and then stepped forward and kissed her neck, then her shoulder. He pulled the zipper down and slid the straps down her arms, his fingers trailing after, the feeling made her shiver. The dress pooled at her feet. He kissed up her shoulder, her neck, across her back, and down the other shoulder. She shivered again and breathed a hitched breath. His arms snaked around her waist and again he kissed the spot where her neck and shoulder met, Sansa felt like she was burning up and would melt in his arms.

Nothing had ever felt this amazing, even when she and Jon had spent that summer together making out it had never felt like this. Maybe it was because then she had not known where they stood, now she knew he loved her and he loved her deeply. The security of that seemed to heighten ever touch, every kiss.

He turned her toward him now drinking in the sight of her in her strapless red lace bra and red lace boy shorts. She blushed a bit noticing how intensely he was looking at her. He noticed the flush and seemed to misinterpret it. "Are you ok with this? If you aren't ready…"

"Jon, for one night try not to be so noble and honorable. I want this, I want you," she murmured. She took his hand and undid the cufflinks and pushed his shirt off him and to the floor. She pulled his undershirt off over his head and then ran her hands over his chest and shoulders. Part of her couldn't believe she was touching him like this; that this was going to happen.

He helped her with the belt buckle, his pants falling to the floor. They stood in front of each other in only their underwear. "You are so beautiful," he whispered, his voice resonating with desire. Sansa smiled at him shyly, in a way this was her real first time, she refused to think of Ramsay as her first. She felt nervous but also empowered, she was doing this because she wanted to, and oh how she wanted.

She grabbed the waistband of his boxers and smiled at Jon mischievously. He raised an eyebrow in response, his lips playing at a slight smile. She slid to her knees and pulled his boxers down, he gasped in surprise and before he could object she took him in her mouth. Jon groaned and shuttered and his hands buried into her hair. She worked him in her mouth, both pleased and shocked by the length and hardness. She could feel him tensing due to her ministration.

He suddenly grabbed her shoulders and gently pushed her off him. "If you keep going it's going to be the end of me," he said gruffly as he gently cupped her chin. She smiled wickedly, "Well we don't want that just yet."

She stood up and he kissed her and then walked her back to the bed, he pushed her back on it playfully and took her right leg in his hand. He stood at the end of the bed and kissed her toes, her foot, her ankle, working his way up her leg, towards her knee. His kissed inside her inner thigh, biting her softly. She moaned and ached for him. He kissed her over her panties, the heat of his breath amplifying her wetness.

He placed his hands on her panties and met her eyes. He needed her blessing before he took it further.

"I want you Jon, I want you more than I've ever wanted anything."

A smile again tugged at his lips and he pulled her panties off, casting them over his shoulder and gently bite her inner thigh again. His hand found her folds and he worked a finger inside of her. She looked down at him and moaned as he slid another finger inside of her. He hummed in approval as his fingers slid in and out of her. His mouth moved over her and he flicked his tongue out, she gasped and her hips bucked up. She felt him laugh gently against her, he reached his free hand up and smoothed it over her breast and torso as if to calm her and went back to work.

Sansa dug her hands into the bed spread, her head tossed back, gasping for air, nothing had ever felt this good. She was giving over control of her body to Jon and it felt amazing and freeing. He quickened the pace of his fingers and this tongue, Sansa's head snapped up and she met his eyes, he was watching her intently. She could feel the pressure building, all the muscles in her lower body tensing, readying for release.

"It's ok, I want you to," he whispered before going back to work. He turned his hand inside her and used his thumb to graze her ass as his tongue made a mad dash into her clit, it was the final sensation she needed to push her over the edge. She shattered, her back arched and she cried out his name. His withdrew his hand and wrapped an arm around each leg to hold his mouth in place as she rocked and bucked with her orgasm. It was too much, too intense, she felt like she was falling into a pit of stars, every inch of her flesh was singing.

"Enough, enough," she moaned as she pushed at him and wiggled from his grasp. He sat back on his heels and smiled at her, his face and stubble glistening. She lay on the bed panting, trying to gather herself. She had given herself orgasms before but they were nothing compared to what Jon had just given her.

He stood up and watched her for another moment and then moved the side of the bed and retrieved a condom from the night stand drawer. He crawled into the bed and kissed her forehead and then rolled to her side pulling her to him and kissing her again.

"Too much?" he smirked.

"No…. it was just so intense," she sighed. He pushed her hair back over her shoulder and placed a kiss there.

"Do you think you can handle more?" he asked as his hand cupped her breast.

She kissed the tip of his nose and nodded. He carded a hand into her hair and pulled slightly so her head tipped back to expose her neck to him and he began to kiss his way down it slowly. He removed her bra and caught her nipple in his teeth and flicked his tongue over it. Sansa could feel her heart rate climbing, she draped her top leg over his hip and felt his shaft rub against her lower abdomen, he groaned slightly.

He released her nipple and caught her lips in a kiss and rolled them over so he was on top again, he pulled back and looked at her. She felt him trembling slightly. She ran her hands up his arm and looped her arms around his neck and nodded to him. He raised a hand to her cheek and she turned and kissed his palm. He reached back and caught her leg at the knee, pulling her leg towards her chest. He pulled his hips back enough so his member sprang free from the cage they had created between them and then he slid himself down over her clit and was poised to enter her. He lowered himself to kiss her and entered her. Sansa let out the smallest whimper.

He held himself still allowing her to acclimate to the feeling of him inside her. She was stretched and filled, he was so hard. After a couple breaths she moved her hips slightly to signal him that he could move.

"I love you," he breathed into her shoulder as he began to move.

"I love you too," she answered as he began to pick up the pace. Her nails raked his back and she pushed his hair from his face to look into his eyes. He released her leg and moved his hand to her clit, she bucked and moaned as he touched her. An orgasm suddenly gripped her and she felt herself tighten around him, he grunted in response and then was whispering her name over and over into her hair.

She heard herself moaning his name and he shuttered, allowing himself to release and collapsed on her for a moment before withdrawing and rolling to her side. They both lay there breathing heavily.

"Sorry, I thought I could go longer but you just felt….. god I just couldn't," he apologized. "Give me like 15 minutes though and I'll do it right."

"I have no complaints," she laughed and rolled on her side so she could put her head on his chest. He stroked her back in response, "but I won't turn down your offer."

He kissed her forehead. "I can't believe I resisted you for so long, what was I thinking?"

"Maybe this is better. Maybe we don't end up here unless by the path we came."

"I suppose but….."

"I think maybe its best not to focus on how we got here but that we are here now, together."

Jon looked at her and a half smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He knew she was right, that there was no need to focus on the past now, not in this moment. He kissed her softly and pulled her tighter, savoring the feel of her skin against his.

"Do you think you need that full 15 minutes?" she whispered wickedly, her hand snaking down his chest. He laughed and rolled her on top of him.

"You might be able to convince me otherwise."

xxxxx

Sansa groaned, she struggled to open her eyes, struggled to breathe. She finally opened her eyes, she was back in the car, covered in glass and blood. The air heavy with smoke and gas and the tang of iron.

She looked to her right, her eyes falling on Ramsay. He was covered in blood, twisted and broken. "Ramsay," she called out, "Ramsay."

His eyes opened and he met her gaze, his eyes full of accusation and anger. His face was covered in blood, his mouth in a hideous leering smile, but he looked triumphant, despite the blood that poured from his mouth.

"Not quite as a planned," he murmured. She stared at him as he began to cough, his eyes transfixed on her, he kept smiling, smirking at her with his bloody mouth. It sent another wave of chills down her spine. A loud pop drew her attention away from him, she saw a tiny flame over the twisted dashboard.

"Is this where I'll be staying now?" he asked her, he seemed to almost be laughing. She said nothing; the flames were growing larger. "It doesn't matter, I'm a part of you now, I'll always be a part of you." He started laughing.

"You're wrong, you are not a part of me, not anymore."

His laughter died on his lips and he looked at her incredulously, his eyes and mouth set in dark surprise and anger. She reached for the door and it opened on the first try. She pushed it open and climbed from the side of the car. She looked around and Jon stood next to the car, reaching for her and helping her from the wreckage. She cleared the car and he pulled her to him, holding her safely and tightly. They turned back towards the car, watching it burn. Standing in Jon's embrace Sansa felt an overwhelming sense of peace. They stood holding each other and watched as the car burned brighter and brighter.

xxxxx

Sansa's eyes slowly opened, bright sun light poured through the window of Jon's room. Just as he had promised all those years ago in his car, they were snuggled together in each other's arms, naked and satisfied. They had come together two more times after the first. The first of the two times hot and demanding with her riding him as hard as she could, the second time had been slow and gentle, demanding they linger over every kiss, every sensation. They had fallen asleep after that, coiled together in the pillows and the sheets.

Jon stirred and greeted her with a sleepy smile. "So it wasn't just a wonderful dream?"

She kissed him softly. "No, not a dream, a promise fulfilled."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happy ending for a happy new year! Thank you everyone for reading! And extra thanks to everyone that read the original and then still went through it again with me. I hope this version was just as, if not more satisfying. 
> 
> Thankfully this seems to have broken my writer's block for my new story so I look forward to sharing that in the future. Best wishes to all!


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